[ Voice ]

[dualismum]

[ Sasaki will be using audio for this because it's much easier when you can't see his face. ] ... I think I'm done running from the elephant in the room.

Three years ago, SS rated ghoul Ken Kaneki was captured by the CCG and lost his memories. And from that, I came to existence. I'm legally a human, but not biologically, and I have no memories beyond the three years I've lived. [ so yes. Haise is technically Kaneki ] I know that this body is Kaneki's, and I know that Kaneki is somewhere inside my head I don't really remember anything about Kaneki's life; I don't know who his mother is, I don't know how he met his little sister, and I don't know what he felt when he woke up after being turned into an artificial ghoul.

But ever since I stepped out of the Porter, I know everything that Kaneki felt and lived while in this world. I know the people he met here and matter to him, I know his sadness and his loneliness, I know his happiness and I know his feelings. It's as if these are my memories, even though I'm not Kaneki. I'm not; I'm just... a dream. With two years worth of memories.

[ there is a moment of silence as sasaki tries to gather his thoughts ]

I know Kaneki will slowly take over, and with time all of the memories will return and I will no longer be Sasaki. I will be replaced with the real thing. And yet, I really want to exist. I don't want to fade away, that's why- it was really scary when I arrived here, when I looked at your faces, everytime you called me Kaneki, everytime you expected him.

I still can't tell you what is happening. It's a mess. [ he sighs, defeated ] About that night when Kaneki went crazy and attacked people- I remember it all as if I was the one doing it, so I want to apologize. I'll be visiting the native victims, and the imPorts he hurt and attacked, I'm terribly sorry for what has happened. And the person who triggered that whole mayhem- [ sasaki isn't going to say the name; he knows who it is ] We are going to talk.

Comments

[dualismum]

Humans just use a lot of different expressions when talking. language is diverse and can mean a lot of thing,s just like it may not mean anything at all. We use it to speak, have fun, to play around - verbal communication comes in many different ways.

[oceanthief]

It's easier if you just say what you mean the first time.

[do you want to hazard a guess which species doesn't go for all these metaphors and abstract figures of speech? first two guesses don't count.]

[dualismum]

Well- it could be yes.

But we are complicated and complex beings.

[oceanthief]

[she snorts, because damn if Lapis didn't know that one already. humans were just headache machines in disguise of a species.]

I guess you're making up for your lifespan.

[dualismum]

Of course. Living life to the fullest" or something like that.

[oceanthief]

I think it's more like complicating things for no reason.

[dualismum]

we like complexity. It makes things interesting.

[oceanthief]

I've only ever seen it make things more difficult.

[dualismum]

You haven't seen most of it, then.

[oceanthief]

I've seen enough.

[dualismum]

It's a world with 7 billion people with nearly 200 countries, each with a different cultures and history.

You haven't seen a thing, Lapis.

[oceanthief]

I know what's underneath all that. There's nothing nice about it.

[dualismum]

....

I come from a world where there is a species called "ghouls". They consume humans; they attack them and kill them and eat them. Some torture, others just enjoy to hurt and leave their victims walking around without a body part. Some murder entire families right in front of the children, only to show that they can do that.

So, there is an organization that works in order to stop ghouls. All the ghouls. Their objective is the extermination of this whole species because they are evil and cruel and they aren't considered people and they shouldn't live.

[oceanthief]

[she tilts her head to the side, contemplative]

They can't use them for anything?

[dualismum]

[ oh yes, they can. They are using sasaki! Anyway, not the point ]

No. People see them as monsters. They know the things they can do, they've seen it and felt it. There is nothing good about such creatures. This is what they know and this what they have seen. I have seen it too. I have fought them, it's m job. I've killed them. I've to protect people against them.

[oceanthief]

[DUDE IT'S KIND OF THE POINT]

That's alright, then. Sometimes things work out like that even on Homeworld.

[dualismum]

[ no, he has another point, look -]

Kaneki was a ghoul. [ sasaki is a ghoul technically but- it's complicated ]


Do you think he was a monster, that there was nothing good about him, that he had to be killed because that's all he would do?

[oceanthief]

It might have been true at the end. But things are a little different in this world, so I don't think the middle's exactly the same.

[she never claimed to be particularly good at making friends. if Kaneki had been a monster, it didn't really change how she saw him at all.]

[dualismum]

Everyone knows what ghouls are underneath what it appears to be human skin. And yet, kaneki had so many people caring for him, he had the chance to see other ghouls and how they really are. They aren't really monsters. They love, they hurt, they cry, they feel happiness and sadness. People only see a scratch of what they can be. And because it's so scary and painful, they hold on to it and can't really imagine them being anything else. Even if there is so much more to them.

You only saw the surface of this world and you assume it's all there is to it. because it's the bad and you can't really imagine it being anything else. Even if there is so much more to it.

[oceanthief]

People are different from a planet. It doesn't matter how useful the resources on the crust are - it doesn't change.

[her voice is tight, stubborn with a hurt that's spanned thousands of years. earth refused to let her go, and so too did Lapis refuse to relinquish all the ways it had wronged her.]

[dualismum]

Yeah, I know. People say the same about ghouls too.

[ Lapis can be stubborn all she wants. it'll go along with what Sasaki said, after all ]

[oceanthief]

[when people are convinced of something everything another person says goes along with their belief regardless. Lapis should know.]

Humans would. They don't have enough time for perspective.

[dualismum]

Perspective isn't a matter of time.

[oceanthief]

It is. When you're only alive for a little while, you see things differently.

[dualismum]

No, Lapis. [ the amount of times Kaneki changed his perspective after seeing people being killed, after losing people, after being beaten up, after attacking others, after getting to know others - or the amount of times Sasaki changed his perspective, either about ghouls, how kaneki is, the things kaneki did, and the things he himself did-

he is only 23. And it all happened in 4 years.


So no. It's not a matter of time. It's a matter of how you live. ]

In any case, you can keep your perspective. Telling you something won't change anything. You'll have to see it yourself. Or not. People don't want to see beyond what they already know because they fear it'll be worse. [ he certainly knows that, Sasaki is a coward, too ]