maskormenace | voice;

Entry tags:

voice;

[The feed opens to the very disgruntled voice of a very angry person.]

So, hey, people of this shithole of a planet. Here's a question.

How many of you are sick and fucking tired of the Porter messing with you?

Show of hands, pie charts -- hell, I'll even give anyone extra points for pictures of flipping off a government building.

I mean, I knew about the whole "Oh, hey, I feel like being a dick and teleporting you out for a few months just for a goddamn laugh" but to throw in a new useless, annoying power as well?

[There's some muffled grumbling and swearing for the next few seconds as Church presumably re-situates himself.]

Good to see it's the same shitty, annoying Porter in the same shitty, annoying world.

[...............]

And uh.... does... anyone know how to get a leg unstuck from a wall?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Some people carry butter! Y'know, dairy farmers, biscuit aficionados, people who habitually get body parts stuck in walls... not that I'm judging you.

What the fuck is a biscuit afficion-- you know what, I don't care.

Do you have an actual suggestion or not?

Well, how'd you get it in there in the first place?

I got pissed, I kicked the wall, and my power decided to fuck me for exactly one goddamn second.

[ Okay, so this is not a difficult mystery to solve, even though Church is vague as hell. ]

Sooo let me guess, you can go all incorporeal? Untouchable? Phase through solid objects like a very angry Casper?

[Helpful is the exact opposite of anyone from Blood Gulch, my friend.]

Apparently. At least, that's what it says on the "new shiny power" packet.

Well, in that case, I have two ideas. One, you could try getting good and pissed again and see if that triggers it.

I HAVEN'T BEEN NOT PISSED! [Church what the fuck does that even mean]

[ Who knows, but James is absolutely delighted. ]

Then option two is you try apologizing to the wall.

WHY WOULD I APOLOGIZE TO IT? I'M NOT THE ONE TAKING LEGS!!

.... AND IT'S A WALL. WHO THE FUCK APOLOGIZES TO A WALL?!?

[Oh yeah, he's in pure screech mode.]