Entry #004 | Video

[quaerit]

[ Here is Gansey, looking a little strange. He’s wearing a navy-blue sweater emblazoned with a raven – an Aglionby school sweater, over what appears to be ordinary clothes. His shoulders and hair are damp, like he’s been rained on, and he looks strangely pale. Despite that, he’s displaying a welcoming smile, and his hazel eyes are bright and vital with some emotion he’s holding back. ]

Apparently, I vanished yesterday.

I say apparently because it feels more like several weeks ago, but according to this – [ he holds up one of De Chima’s daily newspapers – a tabloid, headlined with speculation about the upcoming import elections ] – it’s only been a day.

A lot can happen in a day. Sometimes things that give you perspective.

Can I ask – the school year is almost over. Some of you will be graduating. I will. Which is odd, because I was here for eight months, and then I went home and it was Fall again, and Senior year was just beginning. I’m not completely sure what age I am now. I turned eighteen a couple of months ago.

[ Which, he actually never mentioned. It had seemed like there were more important things to be getting along with, and the thought of getting older in the wrong world had annoyed Gansey anyway. He’d kept quiet. Now, if he could do that over again, he thinks he’d celebrate it more – even though he’s only mentioning it now because it’s relevant to this. ]

Then I go home, and I’m seventeen again, so now I don’t even know what counts. Graduation will, though, I know that much.

So: to everyone else who’s graduating. Or even if you’re not, even if it’s just that you see change coming for you. What are your plans? Will you work, will you travel? What would you like to do, ideally? I think I’m ready for it to be summer again.

Private to: Billy Kaplan, Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny, Matthew Lynch

[ This part goes to everyone’s private inboxes. Gansey’s smile is less presidential here, but his eyes are even sharper. He seems energized, like he’s on the edge of something. His voice is trying not to sound like it. ]

Hey, everyone. I very much hope I didn’t worry you. I think I was mid-conversation with you, Billy. I’ll have to blame my rudeness on the Porter.

Listen, I’m on my way home. Could someone bring the car and pick me up? I’m getting pizza from that Italian place near the porter in De Chima. I’m absolutely famished.

I’d…like to know if anyone else vanished, too. Ronan, Adam?

Comments

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[helpline]

Well sort of. Everything dies in the end, even Time Lords. [ said in a 'duh' tone. Just...ignore the fact that earlier he said he doesn't die. ] I'll die then regenerate and when I run out of regenerations, I'll die die.

[ which will probably never happen because Doctor Who makes the BBC money and this Doctor doesn't even know how many regenerations he has left BUT HEY, LET'S DODGE THAT QUESTION. As for the other question, the Doctor shrugs before continuing. ]

One, there is no old body. This Doctor, me right here, I'm the same man who grew up looking at Gallifrey's orange sky and who's shown up here as an Edwardian gentlemen with a penchant for amnesia, I've just got a different face and personality. Same phone, different case. And nah, the time from all angles is a different weird Time Lord thing—a weird thing that some humans can do, if they grew up near a rift or are particularly temporally sensitive or got brought back to life by an eternal entity.

video; private

[quaerit]

Well. I suppose it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one. I think that I was always aware of time slipping, even before I was brought back. But since I was brought back by an entity for which time means little, I suspect the cause was always Cabeswater. The linear passage of time was only relevant for my perception.

[ And, you know, not for the forest’s. But honestly, even saying that makes confusion tug at the edges of Gansey’s brain. As does the Doctor’s description of himself. ]

Tell me something. If your looks have changed, and your personality has changed…how can you be the same?

video; private

[helpline]

You're special, but you're also nothing special. [ said with a little smile of his own. Sometimes he's halfway decent at reassuring. ]

As for your question, it's memories—cogito ergo sum and all that. I remember being the Doctor. I remember living through what other Doctors have done. And I want to be the Doctor, so I'm still the Doctor. You remember being the First Gansey, you remember living through what the First Gansey's done, you seem like you want to be Gansey, ergo you're still Gansey.

video; private

[quaerit]

[ The crease between Gansey's brows indicates he doesn't wholly like that answer. Memories, identity, personality - these things are not always set. When he was home, he didn't remember being here.

He'll take it, though. ]

Well, if it's as easy as that, I suppose I'll take your word for it. I used to think it was something that was wrong with me, you know. Feeling out of time like that.

It helps to know where it comes from, even if that means it's permanent.

video; private

[helpline]

Nah, you're a perfectly normal shade of weird, [ said with a little grin and a smirk on his face. The Doctor's being a bit of an ass, but at least he's being a friendly ass. ]