Entry #004 | Video

[quaerit]

[ Here is Gansey, looking a little strange. He’s wearing a navy-blue sweater emblazoned with a raven – an Aglionby school sweater, over what appears to be ordinary clothes. His shoulders and hair are damp, like he’s been rained on, and he looks strangely pale. Despite that, he’s displaying a welcoming smile, and his hazel eyes are bright and vital with some emotion he’s holding back. ]

Apparently, I vanished yesterday.

I say apparently because it feels more like several weeks ago, but according to this – [ he holds up one of De Chima’s daily newspapers – a tabloid, headlined with speculation about the upcoming import elections ] – it’s only been a day.

A lot can happen in a day. Sometimes things that give you perspective.

Can I ask – the school year is almost over. Some of you will be graduating. I will. Which is odd, because I was here for eight months, and then I went home and it was Fall again, and Senior year was just beginning. I’m not completely sure what age I am now. I turned eighteen a couple of months ago.

[ Which, he actually never mentioned. It had seemed like there were more important things to be getting along with, and the thought of getting older in the wrong world had annoyed Gansey anyway. He’d kept quiet. Now, if he could do that over again, he thinks he’d celebrate it more – even though he’s only mentioning it now because it’s relevant to this. ]

Then I go home, and I’m seventeen again, so now I don’t even know what counts. Graduation will, though, I know that much.

So: to everyone else who’s graduating. Or even if you’re not, even if it’s just that you see change coming for you. What are your plans? Will you work, will you travel? What would you like to do, ideally? I think I’m ready for it to be summer again.

Private to: Billy Kaplan, Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny, Matthew Lynch

[ This part goes to everyone’s private inboxes. Gansey’s smile is less presidential here, but his eyes are even sharper. He seems energized, like he’s on the edge of something. His voice is trying not to sound like it. ]

Hey, everyone. I very much hope I didn’t worry you. I think I was mid-conversation with you, Billy. I’ll have to blame my rudeness on the Porter.

Listen, I’m on my way home. Could someone bring the car and pick me up? I’m getting pizza from that Italian place near the porter in De Chima. I’m absolutely famished.

I’d…like to know if anyone else vanished, too. Ronan, Adam?

Comments

[burnseternal]

Do you truly think so, brother? People here can be very violent, and prone to resorting to violence in order to instate peace. Many would be peaceful underneath the right circumstances, and I do not blame them for reacting in the way that they do, but often, one's commitment to peace is tested only by adverse circumstances.

And, in such circumstances, one must live with the consequences. I am not at all certain that they are willing to take that chance when the stakes are so high.

[quaerit]

I think that the voices calling for peace are never needed more than at a time of war. Not everyone here wants to solve their problems with violence.

I know that I don’t.

[burnseternal]

And at what point would you believe the stakes to be too high, brother? At one point would you decide force and violence is the correct path?

[quaerit]

[ Gansey considers that. He's honestly not sure that he's ever happy about that option. He's just truthful, in the end. ]

If someone were hitting me, or - say for example - holding a gun to my head, I wouldn't stand still and let them. If I couldn't talk them down I'd fight for my life.

I would say that holds true on a national level, too.

[burnseternal]

Perhaps.

[Saint Walker is quiet for a moment.]

Have I ever told you of my people, Gansey? It would not surprise me if I did not. But it is not a very happy story and is one that, I think, influences much of what I think and do today.

[quaerit]

[ Gansey frowns, curious. Is he about to hear about people who didn’t fight for their lives? ]

No, I don’t think you ever have. I’d like to hear, though, if you’re willing to talk.

[burnseternal]

It is not a secret -- merely a story I seldom share, for it is not a happy one. [He offers Gansey a sympathetic sort of smile, as if regretting that others have to hear a tale such as his own. There is no softening his story, however, so he doesn't try.]

There was an unchecked force of rage and destruction my corner of space, one that was underneath no galactic law, no jurisdiction. They were guilty of planetary genocide, but were in need of forces, and resources. They came to us with their ships and their guns and their rings and demanded compliance; either we were to assist them in interplanetary genocide, or we would be the next planet to be destroyed.

We refused. I am the last of my kind, and my planet is no more.

[quaerit]

[ Oh. That’s…

Far worse than Gansey imagined. And an incredible circumstance. ]

You sacrificed yourselves to save others.

Walker, I cannot imagine such loss. But I can understand, then, why peace is so important to you. When I said that I would fight for my life, I didn’t mean at the expense of someone else’s. That’s a choice I already made, and would stand by. I would support you standing by it, too.

[burnseternal]

It is a sacrifice that can only be understood once you have experienced it -- and I hope that you will never have to, brother. I do not posit that what we did was the right thing for everyone to do, and indeed, I do not blame the planets that aided and abetted the Red Lanterns in their path of destruction in order to save their own. But to help them was not the correct path for us.

[He wishes for his planet's return, certainly... but he knows full well that if they went back in time, they would do it again in a heartbeat.]

It is a complicated matter. And while you would stand by me, I wonder how many others would, others who have faced similar losses.

[quaerit]

[ Gansey is quiet for a moment, and thoughtful.

He's trying to think of the right way to word this. ]

May I ask you something?

If...the choice had not been between your world, and another. If it had simply been to fight the Red Lanterns, or not - what would you have done then? What would your people have done?

[burnseternal]

I cannot speak for my people, only myself.

[He's quiet for a moment, twisting the ring on his finger. Then, he takes a deep breath, and speaks again.]

My people, my home, both were lost to me, but I survived, and pledged my life to the protection of others. That meant ensuring that the Red Lanterns would not hurt other planets as they did my own. In truth, even if we had chosen to fight, we would not have won; we were armed only with rudimentary farming equipment, and they had weapons mighty enough to destroy entire planets, guns, lasers, cannons... our death would have been less swift than it was, and far, far more bloody.

But I possess skills that my people did not. I fought the Red Lanterns, and we won. I feel remorse that such a thing was necessary. You must understand, the horrors that the Red Lanterns inflicted did not emerge from nowhere; they too were spurred onward by great loss themselves, and instead of striking out in hopes for a better tomorrow, struck out with naught but rage.

But do I feel regret at having to turn to violence in order to protect others? No, Gansey, I do not. As much as I wish that that had not been the case, I do not regret taking action so that billions more would not perish at their hands. [He offers Gansey a small smile, but there's sadness in his eyes.]

I wish that peace was always an option. In fact, I hope for it; I believe that it is possible, one day, when we are kinder, wiser, better. That day will come, but that day is not today.

[quaerit]

[ Gansey's expression grows with sadness. He can't imagine how Walker could have overcome grief like this - not for an individual, not even for a family, but for an entire world. How lonely it must be. How horrifying, in its completeness.

That Walker not only can deal with that pain but is able to inspire hope in others, is startling for Gansey. More and more, he thinks this is a person that should be listened to. ]

What happened to your people was a terrible crime. Even though there were reasons, those people didn't have to do what they did. There's always a choice. The one you've made is incredibly brave.

I wish that peace were possible, too. It's a terrible thing that in this world, the Cold War has grown into a live and open war. That was never the case in my world, although...there are still wars, between other countries. I want to believe we'll be beyond that someday.

[burnseternal]

We will be. I have faith in that. I do not believe that we, as people, truly wish to fight. I have seen too many who only fight because of the difficulty of their own life to truly believe that. But it will take time, and understanding, and hard work.

But it is difficult to understand on a world not wholly our own, is it not?

[quaerit]

I think you could find that problem in any world, Saint Walker. Thank you, for telling me about yours.

[ Even though it hadn’t been easy. ]