O3 👶 VIDEO (road not taken)

[pillz]

[the teenager in the video is wearing a green beanie. it must be new because there's still a price tag poking out behind his left ear. he beams at the camera with the slightly choreographed but earnest good nature of a closet introvert on his first day of school.

his eyes are slightly small, a telltale sign for those who fraternitize with potheads.]

Hi! I'm Joe. I guess I must have like, retrograde amnesia or something because I found this folder of brochures and stuff about a Porter and superheroes and nanomachines and whatever but I don't remember any of it from before? Anyway I just have a couple questions.

Number one. My neighbor is eleven and he told me their classroom pet just died, and I told the school I'm going to get them new ones. Then I started to think about, you know, the ethics of making animals that don't need to eat or poo. I mean, I'm not super religious, Darwinism seems kinda accurate, and even though I'm a vegan but I get that cows were just way too small for the industry before we had breeds. Mankind has been messing around with genetics for a long time. But it seems like a slippery slope, right? When does messing with life itself turn into like-- the crippling hubris that comes with the presumption of human convenience? Will Mother Nature fight back? Does the balance correct itself? You know? And is it important for eleven-year-olds to learn about cleaning poop? And if someone like, hypothetically... [he pauses with the subtlety of a bsod.] got a bird that doesn't eat or poopoo, and they decided it was unethical to give it to fifth graders, what should he do with it? And before anyone asks, it has a butthole and a mouth hole.

Okay. [he sucks in air as if he'd started to run out partway through that ramble (probably).] Okay. My other question is, does anyone else want to do a juice cleanse? Because I guess I was doing some kind of messed up diet. I lost twenty pounds and had like three hundred pills in my cabinet, but I feel super bloated and gross. Right now, I'm seriously even willing to consider wheatgrass or cod oil even though I usually can't stand the taste of fishy burps. And, you know, vegan. I could use a diet buddy. Or a group. I'm into groups. But not yoga or weights or meditation.

Hiking, I love hiking. And four-wheeling. If anyone sees an olive colored ATV with a 1984 sticker around, that's mine.

Okay get back to me. Later! [he waves enthusiastically at the camera, then hangs up.]

Comments

ooo mr pinkman oooo

[pillz]

[→ HERE IF U LIEK]

[pillz]

Yes. Maybe, [kavinsky modifies his own statement, after a moment.] Hubris gets people killed where I come from. It's unavoidable, maybe. But we built cities on tectonic fault lines, and then we fra-- drill down for oil. Maybe the next big earthquake isn't us, but we're sure as fuck not worrying about it. I don't think magic's gonna be any different. Everything has a cost, dude. Problem is, where I come from, people don't like thinking about what it is.

I don't think magic's different just because it's magic.

[a beat.]

I also got a speech about unethical farming practices somewhere too, I dunno what you're into.

[pillz]

[where once kavinsky would have seen this offer as an opportunity to sink his evil claws in, right now, he thinks that sounds like a good idea. he's pretty high, but he can tell that there's something wrong with him. underneath the weed haze, there's an uncomfortable jitter and clench. he takes a deep breath. he probably should go to the doctor.

if this doesn't subside, anyway.]

I'll look around on the Internet and see if I can find someone, [he proposes.] Then I'll text you the address. Hey, what's your name? [—maybe he shouldn't be quite so trusting, but you know. needs must. and his assumption, however foolish, is that better to show up with an import than go in blind to one of the natives.]

[pillz]

What. Nothing, [kavinsky says, his eyebrows knitting.

it's like blue has never had a best friend to gossip about cute boys with, what on earth.] I mean not nothing. I mean, it's my turn. Come on, Sargent! You know how this works.

[oceiteres]

[ Purgatory. Yep. This is purgatory. Blue's not even Catholic. Oh, but Ronan is. She'll ask him later over a beer. ]

Explain it to me in very small words. [ Holy mother of a tree. ]

[earnedmystripes]

[Luckily Kotetsu's just about one of the best people to trust to always have good intentions.]

Sounds good. I'm Kotetsu. Nice to meetcha, Joe.

[It's so weird to say that name in a way that isn't teasing, the way he used to annoy Bunny back when they were new to their partnership.]

[rathercommon]

[ Her voice is dismissive. ]

I don't think, I don't think, I don't think. You don't actually know the first thing about magic, do you? It's all just speculation.

do u care if i exert au-adam headcanons on you? im sorry i might have jumped the gun elsethread :x

[pillz]

I like it out in the green too, [kavinsky answers, with feeling.] That was the good thing about moving from Jersey. I mean you get some good spaces there too, but nothing like Virginia.

Anyhow, thanks for the directions. I guess if you know you're way around, that means you didn't get amnesia, right?

VIDEO.

[mantlepieces]

[ Squints slightly. What the hell is this guy going on about now? Is this a prank, or--?

Let's see: ]

Yeah, man, juice cleanse. Sounds like a good start. You need someone to take those pills off your hands? ... Throw 'em away for you?

oh no it's okay! different realities and all.

[aberth]

I have amnesia.

[ It sounds faintly mystified, like he's been told it exists but he still doesn't believe in it. Part of Adam feels like this is actually an elaborate joke that he's going to get the brunt of eventually. ]

But I work close by and noticed it on my way there.

[quaerit]

[ Did he just fingerguns? What fresh hell - ]

We definitely run in different circles. Aglionby is not the difference. Where do you think you go to school?

[pillz]

[a brief, cagey silence. kavinsky blinks stupidly at the video camera.]

Yeah maybe, [he says.] Little bit. I race Lynch. What does Richardman drive?

[pillz]

I think the bible is an excellent historical metaphor.

And i didn't lose anything, this is how I talk.

Did you bring your car?

[aglonby]

[ ok kavinsky is always weird but this is Beyond Weird. ]

Gansey? The flashiest, loudest car you can imagine. Camaro. 1970 something.

[unguibusetrostro]

even if i did, i'm not racing your piece of shit atv

[pillz]

You're Japanese? I don't remember learning how to speak Japanese, [kavinsky mutters, glancing off to the side. there's the dossier peeking out of the corner. but he still looks peaky-- he might have read it and just not understood.] Maybe you learned English.

Anyway, I really appreciate it, dude. People usually don't wanna help weird kids on the Internet. [he rubs his face.]

[pillz]

[kavinsky's voice is cross.] I do so know a bunch of shit about magic. I'm just-- allowing for the possibility I don't know everything about magic.

You should allow for that too.

[pillz]

[there's a lengthy beat. kavinsky had really started to think he was the only one.]

Have you been taking dieting pills too?

video;

[pillz]

[kavinsky swims back into frame. he blinks benignly at the man in the video, no recognition evident in his pale, narrow face.]

I guess, [he says, doubtfully.] But I'm gonna give some to the nurse dude Jesse to analyze first. So if you're being... catty, or whatever, about picking up a free hit-- [he focuses on the camera, quite earnest.] You should wait 'til he's done.

[a beat.]

I don't think you need to lose weight, you look great.

video;

[mantlepieces]

[ Weirder still... then again, who can ever keep track of whatever the hell is going on at any given time? Better to just enjoy it if possible, no matter how inscrutable. ]

Catty? Me? Nah, you got me all wrong. [ Reggie raises an eyebrow. ] And thanks, but you're not telling me anything I don't already know. I'd just be losing muscle, you know?

[ Totally shredded, etc. ]

[pillz]

Think? [ill as kavinsky may be, the odd worst choice isn't lost on him. he sounds.

miffed.

if kavinsky is capable of sounding 'miffed,' that's what he sounds like. but also, and equally bizarrely: worried.] I go to Mountain View, dude. You know it? It's pretty big, but I dunno if raven boys pay attention.

[rathercommon]

I've spent my entire life studying magic. I think I'm fairly competent.

[quaerit]

[ Jesus, that's Blue's school. ]

I know it. I have friends there.

[ Well. 'Friend'. ]

All right, I'll humor you. Why don't you go to Aglionby?

[aberth]

[ A pause of his own. ]

No.

[ Because that's fucking ridiculous, man. ] I just woke up someplace I didn't know. [ With a topless boy beside him. It's a problem. ] I remember everything but how I got here.

[pillz]

Yeah? Wait. Gansey? Oh.

Wait. Wait, [he's not feeling well-- that's nearly a good excuse for how slow he is.] Back up. You go to Mountain View? You don't go to Mountain View. [he studies the camera closely.] There are like, six Asian people in the whole school.