video; chalk off spot 3 on Doctor Bingo

[helpline]

[ The comm is obviously the Doctor's. And the background is obviously the Doctor's room in Heropa 11 (if you know what the Doctor's room looks like, that is). But there's some sort of hodge-podge device made up entirely of junk and taking up the majority of the bed. There's a fez sitting on a bedpost because the Doctor has money and Heropa has stores so the Doctor can buy hats. And the person who's grinning at the camera like a maniac is definitely not the Doctor. If it wasn't the lack of eyebrows, it's the bowtie and the fact that this Doctor looks like he'd be grumpy granddad Doctor's kid.

There's also a possum that's hanging out on his shoulders. Yeah, space granddad's affected like HELL due to the current plot. ]

Hellooooooo Heropa! Doctor here, or at least a Doctor, or at least a Doctor that you might not know, though that's the thing, isn't it! I don't know if you know me or not, isn't this fun? [ This Doctor does not shut up. ] But I do know that thanks to a few conversations with a few friends and a little bit of poking around here and there that some things aren't just adding up.

Now, someone mentioned magic. I don't know anything about magic, magic's not my wheelhouse, bother someone else if you want magic, but what I do know about are timelines. People who know people who've got weird memory issues, speak up! Who's affected, who's missing bits and pieces, who's backstories weirdly don't line up with your backstories, this might be a timey wimey problem and I'm the king of timey wimey.

[ There's a pause, while the possum yawns. ] Oh yes! This is Murray, by the way, he's informed me that he's quite happy with his living circumstances though he'd enjoy it if he had a few eggs. I think I'm taking Murray with me if the TARDIS ever were to show up here—he'll be new Handles.

[ another pause before ] Oh and also, I do hope that I wasn't the one who came up with the sonic sunglasses. There's nothing wrong with the screwdriver, screwdrivers are classic, screwdrivers are cool. Tell the other-Doctor if he shows up again that I'm rather put out by the changes! Right, Doctor out!

Comments

video

[rathercommon]

Pity. Things would be far less noisy around here if someone had had the courtesy to lock you in it.

video

[helpline]

Where's the fun in things being quiet though? Yeah, some places you need to be quiet like libraries and movie theaters but other places? Booooooring.

video

[rathercommon]

One man's fun is another man's annoying.

video

[helpline]

[ There's a pause before the Doctor straight up makes a face ] Oh don't tell me you're one of those annoying people who likes things like quiet children and birthday parties where you don't get dirty.

video

[rathercommon]

Oh, far from it. I don't like any children or any birthday parties.

video

[helpline]

[ The Doctor is just KIND OF OUTRIGHT HORRIFIED. ]

Boring adult alert! Sound the alarms, we've found a boring adult, errrgh. [ And then he just sticks his tongue out like he ate something nasty. ] Boring adults are the worst kind...well, after bureaucratic...and after the ones in charge of things, I've never been a fan of people in charge of things.

video

[rathercommon]

[ A sniff. ]

Then I must be your worst nightmare, as I am a bureaucrat in charge of many things.

video

[helpline]

Naaah, my worst nightmare's the one where something grabs my foot from under the bed, you're my worst annoyance. You're scared of nightmares, you dislike annoyances.

video

[rathercommon]

[ Uh - ]

Okay, but that's actually quite a stupid thing to be afraid of.

video

[helpline]

It's a perfectly sensible thing to be afraid of, especially if it's under your bed.

[ now we get to play another round of 'is the Doctor serious or is he joking' ]

video

[rathercommon]

If it's grabbing your ankle, then it's at a perfect height for you to turn around and kick it in the face.

video

[helpline]

But you can't kick something if it's grabbing your ankle, hah points for Doctor.

video

[rathercommon]

You've got two feet, haven't you?

video

[helpline]

And things under the bed have two hands. If I kick it with the other foot, they'll use the other hand!

video

[rathercommon]

Not if you do it right.

video

[helpline]

Sounds like you've thought this through! Is that what they teach you at boring grown-up school?

video

[rathercommon]

No. This is just what normal grown-up logic shows you.

video

[helpline]

That's the worst kind of logic, you know. Everybody's got normal grown-up logic so when there's a panic situation, everybody starts to do the same thing even if it's a bit silly.

video

[rathercommon]

If everyone does it, then it's probably the right think.

video

[helpline]

Ever heard that question about people jumping off bridges?

video thinG

[rathercommon]

...No. I've not.

video words are tough

[helpline]

If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do the same?

video especially when you're terrible at proofreading

[rathercommon]

[ She narrows her eyes. ]

That rather depends, doesn't it. Why are they jumping?

video /backpats

[helpline]

[ There's a pause and a frown. ] You know, they never said that in the saying. I think the implication's cause it's fun.

video

[rathercommon]

How frivolous. Well, if it is for fun, then I presume that everyone has directed their demons to fly them away so that they do not die, in which case I suppose I will indulge as well - thereafter, most likely, never to do so again.