[ video ]

[hostage]

[Goodbye to the Jesse who was a clean and successful art student, hello again to the Jesse who looks like he spent the last three nights sleeping under a bridge.]

Been thinking about this the past couple days, trying to figure out how I really feel about it, but you know what? I still feel the same as I did before:

It was shitty.

It was shitty for you guys to change us back without asking if that's what we wanted. A lot of us were better off the way we were last week. The next time something like that happens, maybe ask how we fucking feel about it.

[He just had to get that off his chest.]

Comments

[hostage]

You'll get upset. I don't blame you, but that's how it goes.

[morethan084]

I'll be more upset if you don't talk to someone about this with.

[hostage]

I'll be okay.

[morethan084]

We both know that's not true but I'll drop it.

[hostage]

Look, thanks for caring, it's just... I don't think anybody else should have to go through this shit with me. Everybody's got their own problems.

[morethan084]

[See? This is the problem with being empathetic. She wants to help.]

I get that, but you're not bothering me by wanting to vent, or cry, or whatever.

[hostage]

But the stuff that happened to me, the stuff I'm dealing with, it's... You don't get that outta your head once you hear about it.

[She saw the scars, which was bad enough. Does she really want all the stories to go with them?]

[morethan084]

I've dealt with a lot worse.

[Like thinking she had normal parents who actually raised her? As opposed to the reality in which she was orphaned and years down the road almost killed by her own mother. Yeah, that kind of fucking sucked big time.]

I'm not trying to pressure you into talking, I'm just saying that you can.

[hostage]

I know. It's... I know you care about me. It means a lot.

[More than he can express, really. Very, very few people want to deal with this mess.]

[morethan084]

[It's more than just caring about him. She can't quite look at the screen now though.]

I still love you, you know. That's not going to change.

[hostage]

[It will change. It always changes. People love him until they don't anymore, and then it very suddenly becomes time to eliminate him - not always violently, but always cruelly. He does this to people, somehow.]

I love you, too.

[He's very sorry about that.]

[morethan084]

I know.

[And she does, because even before she felt the same way she could tell he loved her.]

I wish there was a way to fix this whole thing. It was a tease to have life be that simple.

[hostage]

I'm gonna do everything I can to get him back to you.

[morethan084]

[She remembered him saying that the other night, and it worried her then just as much as it is now.]

What? Like use magic?

[hostage]

Maybe. I don't know yet.

[morethan084]

If you're just doing this for me, don't.

[hostage]

It's not just for you.

[morethan084]

Okay.

[She's still not thrilled with this idea, at all. But to say she didn't understand just how tempting it was, would be lie.]

I get why you'd want to, I just don't want you to get hurt.

[hostage]

I'm already hurt. Either I'll get better or I'll get nothing.

[morethan084]

I meant physically. I know you are, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it.

Part of me wants to join you.

[hostage]

It's not worth worrying about yet. I don't have a plan. We'll talk about it once I do.

[morethan084]

[Daisy'snof sure she could actually go through something like that. Yes, her life sucked, but it was hers.

However, if Jesse thought she would join him and if it turned out to be dangerous he might have second thoughts about doing it. Maybe.]

Is this what you meant the other night?

[hostage]

[He would have thought he felt the same - that desire to hold onto what remains of himself - until he felt what it was actually like to be someone other than himself.]

I... Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what I meant.

[morethan084]

Seems like you do now.

[She wants to see him in person now, but she didn't want to push it.]

You should draw more often, regardless. You're good at it.

[hostage]

Not as good as him.

[He doesn't even know what will happen if he picks up a pencil again. Not that he intends to try.]

I'm good at other stuff, instead.