[ video ]

[hostage]

[Goodbye to the Jesse who was a clean and successful art student, hello again to the Jesse who looks like he spent the last three nights sleeping under a bridge.]

Been thinking about this the past couple days, trying to figure out how I really feel about it, but you know what? I still feel the same as I did before:

It was shitty.

It was shitty for you guys to change us back without asking if that's what we wanted. A lot of us were better off the way we were last week. The next time something like that happens, maybe ask how we fucking feel about it.

[He just had to get that off his chest.]

Comments

video;

[itistolaugh]

[ It takes her a few tries to get up the nerve to actually respond. ]

D'you wanna come over? I've got video games and cuddles.

[hostage]

[Harley... That is so sweet. She gets a much gentler tone out of him:]

I'm not great company right now.

[morethan084]

I'm sorry.

[Not because this was her fault, but because she knew how much he wished he could stay being that person. The same way Daisy wish she had grown up with her parents.]

[hostage]

[Daisy's the one who lost a stable and perfect boyfriend. Jesse should be the one apologizing (again).]

At least the good guys won, right?

[That couldn't be more bitterly sarcastic if he tried.]

video;

[textualhealing]

[B'aw, Jesse. Jeff's doing his very best not to look sorry.]

You can't honestly say you expected any of our lot to be considerate? imPorts are the most selfish, self-gratifying assholes I know, and that's coming from me.

[hostage]

Jesus, you're right about that.

[Fuck everyone here, honestly.]

[instars]

Do you want to be how you were?

[hostage]

What, like a trick?

video

[rathercommon]

[ Frowning: ]

Someone had to make a decision.

[hostage]

And they made that decision without any of us.

video;

[coppelganger]

How were you better off?

[hostage]

Jesus, it's... All of it. Everything that ever happened in my life.

video;

[helpline]

The other Doctor pointed this out to you but there's still that possibility it was all or nothing. [ The Doctor's calm as he talks, giving a little shrug. ] Course, you can't really tell until you ask whoever fixed that displacement to begin with.

[hostage]

Yeah. Hooray for everybody who got exactly what they wanted. Especially the people who don't have to live with it.

video

[quaerit]

It didn't work like that.

[ Gansey is sorry. He really is, he wouldn't have wanted to make anyone's life worse.

But the bottom line is that the spell had ruined things for several of his friends, and they never asked for that, either. It was right that they be given back their lives. For that, he's not sorry at all. ]

We couldn't end it for some and not others. There was one fix or none, and I couldn't leave my friends in the state they were in. One of them lost every inch of who he was. Two were turned into children. None of that was by their choice. It had to be undone.

[hostage]

[...Oh, Jesus. Of course it's a kid. It's always a kid, jumping in and doing shit without thinking about it or thinking about how anyone else might feel, because the power of friendship or whatever. Goddamn magical teenagers.

In the face of that, Jesse's bitterness fizzles out, the hard anger on his features shifting to deep weariness.]

I get it. You wanted to help your friends.

[There's an unspoken but there, and it's left unspoken because he's not going to rail at a teenager for being scared.]

video; private

[infomodder]

[Plaid as ever, private because he doesn't want the risk of people jumping into shit where they aren't welcome.]

They couldn't play hero if they went that route, you know.

video; private

[hostage]

[Oh bless you, Will. The ironic voice of sanity.]

I know, I know.

Fuck.

Voice

[bindsthedead]

You offered your input. But you weren't the only one affected. Others were unhappy, or worse people- some of them attacked others. That, combined with the potential dangers of leaving a malfunctioning spell running loose, is why we decided to undo it. And there was no halfway.

[hostage]

[He's going to bite his tongue, he's decided. Oh, what can he really say, anyway? "Good job, you brought back a psychotic murderer, instead"?]

Right. Yeah.

private;

[inmyothertights]

Okay.

Okay.

Leave Gansey and Sabriel alone.

And let's talk. You and me.

private;

[hostage]

[He is leaving them alone, but...]

Okay. Talk.

[fullofrage]

Would you really wanna live with choices you didn't really make? Not being judgmental, or anything, it's just something I've spent a lot of time thinking about.

[hostage]

I'd rather live with the choices I didn't make than the choices I did.

video;

[shifting]

I'm lucky they didn't ask me. The asshole I was, he was fine with the asshole life he was livin'.

You were that much better off bein' someone else?

[hostage]

Yeah. Yeah, I was.

[He can't exactly elaborate, but the feeling's clear in his voice.]

video;

[akas]

Shit's rough.

[ Her way with words is astounding. ]

Wanna get hammered and bitch about life?

[hostage]

[He can't exactly get hammered, but worse than that, the sight of Jessica is really not helping to stabilize him. At all. In fact, he looks away from the comm.]

Got a feeling I'm just gonna do something stupid.

text 1/2; (cw sexual vulgarity)

[pillz]

aight so if we fucked right now
do u think u would cry when u bust
it sounds like it, babe. little bit

2/2

[pillz]

kind of a prety picture u know
ur fngers fuckin tight on the sheets or my shirt, wherever we b
little bit of salt seeping out of yo eyelids
wellin up in ur belly button
hips jumpin
jumpin
faster
when i say
>i remember how u touched me then

[stupid boys cope with their losses in different ways.]