THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 10TH, 2016

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: AUGUST 10TH, 2016

CODE BLUE
As seen sponsored on the most prominent ad page of every affordable newspaper:
EOJJM!
CMSTMQ EOQO. FT WMUJC IO RM KUSE ODRFOQ FA YMU WOLT DEODC DLC CFC YMUQ SJFSEO IDCCFO RNOOSE.
YMU'JJ QUL MUT MA SFNEOQR OVOLTUDJJY.
-disco

THAT'S WHAT I THOT
As seen on media news blogs and discussed on Threadit's /imPort/legal boards:
THOT TOPIC is being sued by Daryl Dixon for copyright infringement over the life-sized toys they were advertising last month. When asked for comment, his lawyer alleges that the company did not seek out permission from his client to use his name or likeness. A cease and desist order has been issued against THOT TOPIC until the matter has been settled. Disappointment from the several thousand fans who already pre-ordered one of the life-sized toys has been circulating since the announcement. Though his lawyer claims Dixon-themed toys are not off the table should a company make an offer that is more respectful of his client.

Mr. Dixon's Laywer has also announced that as of August 7th, Dixon has signed an exclusive crossbow endorsement contract with Bow-Man Hunting that will last the length of his remainder in our world or two years, whichever comes first, with an option to renew when it ends. A spokesman from Bow-Man Hunting said they were excited to work with such an obvious and knowledgeable crossbow enthusiast.

MABEL IT'S MAYBELLINE
As seen on MeTube and local Heropean newspapers:
Infamous imPort Jonathan Crane was spotted last weekend - participating in a local program to promote children’s literacy - as videos of him reading The Little Mermaid and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer to a small group of Heropa schoolchildren circulated on MeTube.

“He’s a totally new person! Completely different from that evil guy who messed with everyone for no reason,” says Mabel Pines, Crane’s spokespublistylist. “He wanted to do this to get kids reading again! It’s a small step towards making up for everything in the past.”

“Yeah I didn’t want to be here,” said one parent when questioned. “But all he did was read stuff. Not even scary stuff? He didn’t do voices or anything but it was still okay, I guess. The short girl gave me twenty bucks and did pig magic tricks for my kid so there would’ve been worse ways to spend last Saturday.”

Mr. Crane was not available for comment.

MAURTIA, MAURTIA, MAURTIA!
As seen in all the best tristate newspapers and the Maurtia Fallin' For You blog:
As of two weeks ago, an expansion of imPort housing in Maurtia Falls has been completed! Many Maurtia Falls residents seem to be treating this expansion with suspicion, and one pillar of the community, Simon Martindale (aged 95, and still trucking albeit retired!) has been reported saying: "They're taking away our jobs! Why do we need any more of them here, anyway?"

A representative from the government has gone on record saying that this expanded housing effort was completed in order to increase the presence of imPorts in the cities that need them most, and not just Heropa. Will this mean more houses in Nonah and De Chima next? We can only speculate from here! But there's little doubt that the exceptional charm of Ambassador Petyr Baelish has helped flushed interest in the city.

SUCH A BIT STANK
As seen in, or presented on, Politica, Faux News, The Last Turd, 358.com:
In a speech this past weekend, Senatorial Candidate Mitchell Hundred launched into an explanation of his positions as opposed to his opponent Patrice Stankavich. Interestingly enough, the speech was lean in terms of Import policy, but instead focused on economics, jobs, defense, and a slew of more "mainline" policies, as opposed to import politics.

The Stankavich campaign fired back, outlining a detailed plan of how they will be pushing the imports toward integration, removing import housing, jobs, and tax breaks, and instead pushing them towards naturalized citizens.

Today, Hundred's campaign fired back with an official statement: "While the Senator's plan is detailed and admirable, as an import, we have specific needs that I want to protect. We're new people in this country, with even less coming with us than your average immigrant. We don't come with our families, our friends, or even any more property than the clothes on our back. We're lucky if we enjoy the job we're given, and free housing is normally temporary for a good portion of us. Some of us are doctors or like me, politicians. I want us to show the world how we can help the community as a whole. Both our own, and the cities we live in -- but I intend to work closely with any panel on import affairs in the Senate, and I hope they'll value my input and my ideas. Removing the safety net is an interesting move from a Democrat, I'll admit, but I hope that my commitment to assisting the import community's newest members get back on their feet will help us do more for the people here as a whole."

RADICAL NEWS!
As seen rebweeted from The Radish's Bwitter Account, making its way to Rumblr:
NONAH --
Porter users expressed sympathy for his his predicament as they told reporters Friday evening about a disgruntled teenager traveling with two loud, obnoxious parents.

"Everyone knows he loves them anyway," Nonah native Fernando Nuñez, who does not use the Porter station and was nowhere near it at the time of the incident, comments about the teenager who was described as being too upset to even look in the direction of his father as he complained loudly about the lecture he received from the teenager that morning.

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING
As seen on only the best technology magazines and blogs, and the most capitalistic consumerist venues:
Several tech, consumer, and entertainment publications, websites, and TV ads have all started to circulate with several ads advertising the latest StarkTech project. The TV ad features a beautiful woman, who is obviously using a StarkTech phone, working away, while a voice over says: "Are you ready to be the best you possible?" The model nods at the disembodied voice, and the screen pans over her phone screen, where she hits an app only titled "4".

"With the 4 app, Starktech will help you become the you that you've always knew you could be," the screen shows a calendar, and the model's schedule comes up, and then an alert pops up, all of it looks very futuristic, with floating displays, there's a couple of very cool sounding pings and an alert for: "date tonight" pops up, before she jumps up with her phone in hand, and runs off screen.

"The '4' app. Available only on StarkTech phones, coming soon."

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL
As seen on national news and prominent news sites:
At 11.30 last night, a murmur of something grim coming out of Maurtia Falls began to hit the local news circuit. By morning, the news had broken nationally that a MF resident named as Hans Gretel, 47, father of five and the owner and operator of a children's arcade in the east of the city, was found brutally murdered in the basement of a youth disco. Reporters warn that the following story will be distressing to those of a weak disposition, then goes on to describe that the man had been partially flayed and partially dismembered while still alive.

A witness for the MFPD, who is not being named by police for reasons of their own protection, claims to have been present at the moment of the man's death, and the MFPD have published two artist's impressions of the suspects.

The suspects are described as being of similar height, with suspect number one having brown hair and green eyes: PHOTO 1; suspect number two is described as being an older man with small pale blue eyes and dirty blonde hair: PHOTO 2.

The MFPD have taken the imPort known as Lucifer in for questioning, after he submitted himself to the investigation this morning. They are still seeking what they claim is his accomplice, who has not yet been IDed by police.

The police department is asking for help, both from imPorts and the native population, soliciting information on either the abduction of Mr. Gretel or the whereabouts of the suspect in PHOTO 1. News sources are reporting on the possibility of this gruesome case being linked to a number of crime scenes and missing person cases sweeping across the city; a suggestion that MFPD spokesmen refuse to comment on at this time.

[ The OOC post for the conclusion of this event is here, and players are encouraged to jump in as they please with regard to the manhunt and investigation! A log for both has been posted to the log community! ]

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from SHATTERING BROWN to VERY WORRIED BERRY due to the most recent polling indicating that 67% of residential citizens believe their respective imPort Ambassadors remain in mortal peril.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

And he shant appear

[angelfire]

[ Obviously Lucifer is otherwise occupied at the present moment, and therefore won't be responding to anything in this Majority Report, or publicly, at least for a couple of days.

The log for the crime scene, interviews and manhunt are all here! Please feel free to jump right in, or get involved here or on the network. All welcome! ]

[textualhealing]

[THOSE SURE ARE SOME FAMILIAR LOOKING FACES, YOU ASSHOLE.]

[angelfire]

[ Sorry bro he literally couldn't find a bad enough sketch of Mark Pellegrino to give. It's impossible. ]

[textualhealing]

[:|]

Video

[knifecollecting]

[Ah, shit. She watches the report several times, and then...]

Don't trust a thing Lucifer says.

And be careful.

[She's going to have to address this separately.]

Video

[textualhealing]

Don't trust a thing the Father of Lies says? Well shit, someone stop the press, this revelation needs to go out on the next print.

Video

[knifecollecting]

He has followers here. I just wanted to remind everyone.

Video

[textualhealing]

He has followers everywhere.

text.

[glowsferatu]

is there some sort of human custom im missing here
or is that not a photograph of three teenagers

Video;

[exceptfebruary]

[ Oh, Julian definitely notices that piece on Jonathan Crane. But he is not about to ruin Scarecrow's game. He dutifully notes down the date, and otherwise doesn't comment. Though he does wonder mildly if Crane's "spokespublistylist" would make it to her birthday this month.

That being said, something else did catch his interest. ]

4. As much as I prefer paper, that does look like a calendar worth having.

[ You heard it here folks: an official supervillain endorsement. ]

text;

[mathemagier]

ROSMLCOC

video;

[helpline]

[ and the Doctor's just smiling a little because whoo hoo team cipher. ]

It is getting a bit old, don't you think?

voice;

[mathemagier]

Quite. I suppose it's rather considerate that they felt the need to warn us however.

permavid!

[helpline]

Really, I'm expecting 'and your little dog too' with the next round of ciphers.

[ says the person who....made the next round of ciphers, you are part of the problem Doctor ]

[driftsintobuffetline]

WEDT LOQCR

[mathemagier]

YMU CML'T EDVO KUSE QMMK TM TDJH

[helpline]

CUE.

text;

[deciphered]

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IUT AQMK WEDT WO'VO ROOL, YMU'QO NQMIDIJY SMQQOST.

text;

[helpline]

RTDRTFSDJJY RNODHFLB TEOQO DQO MLJY RM KDLY SFNEOQR MLO SDL CM FL D LOWNDNOQ. IYO IYO CDLSFLB KDL.

text;

[deciphered]

ML D TEOMQOTFSDJ JOVOJ, YOR.
NQDSTFSDJJY RNODHFLB, F'K RUQO TEOY'JJ QUL MUT MA SQYNTFS KORRDBOR JMLB IOAMQO TEOY QUL MUT MA NMTOLTFDJ WDYR TM OLSQYNT TEOK. TEOY CML'T ROOK TM EDVO VOQY KUSE TM RDY.

[helpline]

YMU SDL MLJY RDY 'LOOLOQ LOOLOQ LOOLOQ' RM KDLY TFKOR DATOQ DJJ.

text;

[hunksmash]

Alright. So what's StarkTech?

text;

[liverletdie]

Really?

text;

[hunksmash]

What? Am I supposed to automatically know?

I'm new. Does that excuse me?

text;

[liverletdie]

Considering I have ads literally EVERYWHERE...

No, not really. You can't miss them.