💣 001 | audio

[devoutish]

[There's the sound of fumbling and a little bit of unintelligible muttering before any real words are spoken - the communicator isn't hard to figure out, but it still takes some practice to get the hang of.]

-- this button here, and then-- oh, there we go. Have I got it? Hello.

[Alfie's voice is deep and rumbly, and very Cockney. He switches on the video next. It's zoomed in too close on him to give any real clues to his surroundings - there's just the back of a couch and a blank wall visible behind him - but his clothes are clearly old-fashioned.]

Fucking fantastic, these things. Looking at your little images on the screen, it's like you're really there. Yeah, wonderful picture quality. I'm very impressed. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, should I - bigger and bolder seems like something of a trend here. I discovered one of your supermarkets earlier this morning. Fucking hell, the size of that place. Entire aisles set aside for nothing but ketchup; for ice cream. Hats off to the future, eh?

[And since he's actually wearing a top hat, he goes ahead and tips it.

But despite his conversational tone, his eyes are deadly serious. He narrows them a little, as he peers closer at the screen. He seems calm and affable, sure - but if you look behind that front, it's clear that he is very much not happy with how his day is going.]

Right. How many people am I speaking to, right now? Is it just those who've been brought here like me, or do I also have the pleasure of the army's company?

[Because he would like to have words.]

Comments

[airshow]

We have supermarkets and entire walls of ice cream when I'm from, too, but it never really gets any less awe-inspiring, if you ask me.

[ A cheerful, casual grin. ]

Anywho, it's their network, so it's safe to assume they can listen in, but I don't know how often they do. God, imagine being the poor government employee who thinks he's gonna make a difference and ends up stuck monitoring this band of gossiping lunatics. Career goals!

[devoutish]

Poor him.

[Alfie doesn't sound very sympathetic.]

Supermarkets, though, yeah - do you go in with a list, or do you spend hours browsing?

[airshow]

Depends. Are you a by-the-books kind of guy, or more of an adventure-seeker?

[devoutish]

I'm the sort of guy who doesn't think ice cream called fish food sounds very appetizing.

[airshow]

Oh, a vegetarian!

[devoutish]

[What.]

No. Not a vegetarian, no.

[airshow]

Well if that's not it — fish can eat ice cream too, buddy.

[devoutish]

Met a lot of dessert-eating fish, have you?

[airshow]

Mostly pie-ranhas.

[devoutish]

I hope they finish up their sar-dinners first.

[airshow]

I think I like you. [ A man who appreciates a good pun, after all... ] So when're you from? Unless you're just one of those people who does the whole top hat fancy dress thing for fun, which, hey, no judgment here, I know a guy like that and he's almost normal if you don't look directly at him.

[ Sorry Shade. ]

[foreshadower]

I beg your pardon! Almost normal?

[airshow]

I'm sorry, that was a lie. You cultivate weirdness like a fine herb garden.

[foreshadower]

I'll have you know, I'm quite the gardener.

And if you think I'm odd, you certainly haven't been to Gotham in a while, have you?

[airshow]

No foolin'. When's your birthday? I'll buy you some Miracle Gro.

And y'know, I was there on a business trip not long before I wound up here, and I gotta say, not a fan.

[foreshadower]

Neither am I.

Starman brought Gotham's protector by once. I felt all of Opal shudder in response.

[ Quickly side-steps the birthday thing. ]

[airshow]

Guy gives you the willies? Whoa.

[devoutish]

[Alfie raises an eyebrow.]

This is fancy to you? What do you wear, mate?

I'm from nineteen twenty-two.

[airshow]

Oh, you know. Clashing stripes, novelty t-shirts, mostly. Top hats are code for fancy!

[devoutish]

How do you keep your ears warm in the winter?

[It's said lightly, mostly a joke.]

[airshow]

[ And with all of the faux surprise he can muster: ]

Wait, they figured out a solution for that?

[devoutish]

Yeah. Shame they phase it out in the future. Winters must be awful.

[airshow]

And here I thought kids these days didn't know how good they had it!

[devoutish]

I think there's many things that are done well enough in my time. But the world's always gonna keep improving, eh?