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[It started off innocently enough, Komasan went to get his usual morning cup of coffee only for the barista to decide he became a regular enough to try something...different. The coffee was slightly orange and smelled sweet, something Komasan wasn't used to compared to his normal cup of liquid bitterness. One sip, and his life changed. They said it was pumpkin...something. Komasan never had a pumpkin that tasted anything like this before, but the experience was magical.

And that was only the beginning.

It wasn't long before he noticed that the local bakery was also selling pumpkin-something foods, and then the next place...and some other places. It was all too overwhelming, but eventually he gets to where he is now:

Sitting in front of his desk, said desk covered in an array of different pumpkin spice-flavored goods. Like...an absurd amount.]

T-T-The pumpkin, zura... Monge...

[Komasan looks like he's stuck between being totally confused and wanting to cry tears of joy.]

The coffee...it tasted so good— Coffee can taste good, zura!! A-And the muffins... I have...I have candle now, zura...

[He holds up one of those large jar candles, the ones that tend to cost a pretty penny...]

They sprayed me with...something— I smell so good— S-Someone sniff me, zura! And then...they had it...they had pumpkin soft cream, zura!!

[But he of course ate that one before he got home.]

Is this how US pumpkins taste, zura?! W-Why are they so sweet, zura?!

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[ It had sounded like she was. ]

Do things not usually work out? Between humans and spirits?

I know . . . there's stories, but I don't know how close they are to what Komasan-niisan would know.

i don't think I ever heard of it really happening
Humans don't want to be with youkai
they want to be with other humans
And that's fine that is how it is
I think im just weird

I'm not a good person to ask about what's weird or not
or a good person to judge that kind of thing
but I don't think it's that weird.

If you can talk with someone, and touch them, and laugh with them . . . I think it's definitely possible to love them. Even if your species aren't the same.

Bull-ojisan isn't human either, and he's definitely liked a lot of people.

And . . . it's not the same for everyone, but I know . . . if there's someone I really care about, it doesn't matter 'what' they are
just 'who'.

as friends and family you can love anyone
I have so many different people that i love here
they make me happy
but no one really wants to be with youkai not like that way, that love love way
Everyone keeps saying it doesnt matter and it's a really nice idea
but it's not true when it really happens, we're too different
I really upset someone when she found out i was a youkai
another girl not the first one
She said i lied because I forgot to say i was a youkai
and that I shouldn't do that again
i promised i would stop dating I don't want to upset people
I could have really upset that girl from home if I didn't leave
i don't want to upset people I was being selfish

I think . . . I understand. Everyone here knows, but it's not like that where you're from, right?

No not everyone here knows
the girl I upset, it was here
I really thought it wouldn't matter so much because i'm human now
but it's not enough
Maybe it's okay if you look human enough, like that bull man
But it just doesn't work if you are too different

That isn't right.

What that girl said, I mean . . . it wasn't right. I can understand feeling hurt because you find something out about someone you didn't expect. But making you feel bad enough about it that you don't ever want to try again is
it's really unkind
and not fair

You're an imPort. We all are. There's always going to be things about us that are surprising. Things no one expects.

don't say that
She was very kind she was just upset
I know youre trying to be nice but that's just how it is
Im not supposed to like girls anyway

if you aren't supposed to like girls
where do baby komainu come from?

youkai aren't really born the same way humans are

But you have a brother
and a mom?

iT'S JUST DIFFERENT
I CANT EXPLAIN IT
I DONT HAVE A FATHER
YOUKAI GET MARRIED ALL THE TIME ANYWAY
I MEANT IM NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HUMAN GIRLS

Have you ever liked any yokai girls, though?

Or boys, I mean. It's okay if it's like that too.

i dont talk to a lot of other youkai
Ive never even met another komainu who wasnt my momma or komajiro
humans are the only ones i ever find
you know
...cute

So . . . more than girls or boys . . . Komasan-niisan's type is 'humans'?

im sorry
I know it sounds dumb
i wish i could stop

[So that would be a yes.]

It doesn't, though.
It sounds hard
it's always hard when there's no one else you know like you
but it doesn't sound dumb. Or silly, or bad.

you said once before
humans become spirits sometimes, right? Or that
there are yokai who were human once.
So it's not like we aren't connected, either.

maybe
but not a lot of people know that
and they don't think that when they see me
They see a dog or a baby
and I wouldn't even date a dog or a baby

Humans spend their whole lives imagining what kind of person they would be with
so it's not fair to them to try and change it to someone like me
I live longer anyway

It wouldn't be fair to try and change it. But those things
they change on their own.

A person we imagine falling in love with is just imaginary
when . . . we find someone, someone who really
makes everything feel like it all falls into place, like everything clicks together
all of the imagining breaks apart.

And that person might not be right for us at all. Sometimes
there's a lot of reasons why it won't work out
sometimes leaving is best. I know that.
I really
really know that.

But making that choice for someone else is selfish, too. We're choosing their feelings for them before they ever get a chance to choose on their own. It's not right to do that and not acknowledge that too

even when we do it anyway.

It's hard.
It's all hard.

I don't see a dog or a baby, though.
I know I don't count, but
I'm sure I'm not the only one who will ever see more of you than that.

[God, it's like he can never win. In his quest to not be selfish, he was really being selfish this whole time? She's right, this is hard... He's just going to...stop trying to explain himself.

Because of that, his text isn't nearly as long.]

you always counted
you're the only one who treats me that way

You've let me see a lot of you. I don't really have words that say how much that means to me.

I'm not good with words. We aren't, generally; stormriders aren't, I mean. I try and find other ways, instead. There's feelings in the things I make—

that's not important

You should know
I want you to know
that I left too.

that's all.

what??
you left??
I don't understand, why would you leave???

[ A minute passes where she just holds the comm.

She hasn't talked about this before. She doesn't talk about it, no matter how many people figured it out, no matter how her her team (her friends) urged her on . . . even in the deepest parts of her heart, she's never dared put her feelings into words.

But it's Komasan, and he's shared so much of himself . . . ]

Because
I knew that things wouldn't work out
and because I didn't want to hurt anyone.

wHAT
i still dont understand
you would never hurt anyone why wouldnt it work out
youre so nice i dont think you could ever be mean
not on purpose
you could make anyone really really happy!!!

[It's so weird to hear someone say the same things he believes, but here we are. A part of Komasan almost believes he's not reading this right.]

All those things . . . I'd say them about Komasan-niisan too.

You're so kind. And you try so hard. And you always think the best about everyone.

I think you could make someone really happy too.

If there's a time where things do work out
I think you definitely would.

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