maskormenace | THE MAJORITY REPORT: SEPTEMBER 20TH, 2016

THE MAJORITY REPORT: SEPTEMBER 20TH, 2016

IT'S A MANDATE
As seen in Hunting Magazines, Newspapers, imPort tabloids, De Chima and Nonah Billboards:
A black and white ad series featuring a dirty, shaggy-haired redneck holding a crossbow and staring at the camera incredulously, has started showing up just in time for the archery hunting season to open. The absurd campaign tagline? Want to be a real man? Get yourself a Bow-Man.

CEREAL KILLER
As seen in grocery stores near you:
Are you HUNGRY? Are you STARVING for some imPort TASTE? Do you want to FREAKING EAT AN IMPORT? Well good news. Due to interested marketing endeavors hinted at in prior news, RONALD CHUMP has stormed his way onto a hankering market: breakfast products! The following are brand new cereal brands and heretofore not yet being litigated in court:

PUMPKIN SPICE SCARCRO-IOS
JORAH THE EXPLORAH GRAPE NUTS
COUNT DOOKULA
AXEL JACKS
CAP'N COLD CRUNCH
HONEY WILL GRAHAM CHEX
TRICKS
WEETA-DIXON
PABL-OH'S
LUCKY PINES
FROSTED VORKS
HEND-TRIX
CINNAMON TOAST HULKS
MULTIGOLD FIBER MIX
MAKO-OIOS
JOHN REESE'S PIECES PEANUT BUTTER CRUNCH

Delicious.

THAT'S JUST YOUR GENRE, MAN
As seen on TMI:
The new imPort-inspired movie, FIFTY SHADES OF BAE, is said to be a salacious romcom turned fiery action flick turned time-traveling period drama. But what imPort personas will be front and center in this script? And who will be playing them? Rumor has it that the typically daring WARN HER BROTHERS PRODUCTION hasn't even decided on the centerfold characters and are presently open to solicitations!

NO, NAH
As seen on national news stations:
With the apparent exportation of another imPort Ambassador, the stir of fresh political antics have come to Nonah's doors. ImPorts with political ambitions are encouraged to start campaigning as soon as possible. Elections for Nonah's vacant position are scheduled for early November. Adjustment in rules for any interested imPort: anyone who is 18 or over and is REGISTERED may run for office this term. You DO NOT have to be a current resident of Nonah to run for Nonah Ambassador. You DO have to win the election by popular vote.

REALLY MILKING IT HERE
As seen on milk cartons:
MISSING: ONE FRANCIS URQUHART. IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO NONAH. OFFER EXPIRES 9/21/2016.

THE SCHOOLS, THEY ARE A-CHANGIN'
As seen on national newspapers, local news outlets, Bwitter, Rumblr, Deddit:
It would seem the Xavier School for ImPorts might soon need a change of names. Following the recent rash of imPort-esque powers suddenly awakening within local citizens of the Porter cities, Xavier's employee Kotetsu T. Kaburagi has been seen putting up flyers inviting all those who have recently manifested powers to enroll in the Heropa-based school. He also offered the school as temporary lodgings for adults and other non-students who still need a safe place to practice their abilities.

"It's gonna be okay" was the heartfelt, clearly personal message handwritten at the bottom of all of the flyers.

Kaburagi has not responded to any attempts to reach out to him for comment about this unprecedented action regarding the school, done in the absence of the former headmaster, Robert Callaghan, who has since been Ported out. Anti-imPort critics of the school claim the decision is merely a ploy to gather support and firepower for the inevitable imPort rebellion against the U.S. government. Ronald Chump has been seen arguing that the school should be shut down, as it is an obvious den of Soviet sympathizers and terrorists seeking new recruits. "Xavier is exactly the kind of name you'd expect from a secret Russian, you know," he said on Bwitter.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from PUMPKIN SPICE ORANGE to GEOMEAN OF 60:1 GRAY because imPorts be shady.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This is not a FORMAL commitment, and you can drop out at any time before your name hits the official ballot. But if you comment here, you may ICly start campaigning to lead the city of Nonah as their new Ambassador. The election itself will be held ICly and OOCly in early November, and details of a Candidates Forum will be forthcoming.

Have fun!

Anastasya will probably end up running for this. Possibly. Maybe.

Expressing Bela's interest!

HE MAY DROP OUT.

BUT.

Hartley Rathaway for Nonah Ambassador 2016

He won't officially campaign until he's off parole but yes, this is a thing. Listen, Batman's birthday is on the line.

This is just a note to say that Calendar Man has WITHDRAWN FROM THE RACE. RIP #CalendarManForAmbassador

Sam may be interested.

Expressing Victor's interest. #BlameHemali2016

WHOOPS I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SIGN UP here it is now

Miles is absolutely campaigning for this!

Did you say power and respect? Hello, Rachel Duncan here.

[MUFFLED OBJECTION THEME PLAYING IN THE DISTANCE]

by which I mean PHOENIX WRIGHT FOR NONAH AMBASSADOR

If my name's on it, I best be gettin' paid. If I ain't, that shit better not touch the shelves.

[No comment on the crossbow adverts. Those he was getting paid for. Even if they were ridiculous.]

Have you considered hiring a publicist?

I ain't writin' a book.

[What does publishing have to do with this?]

Edited 2016-09-22 22:41 (UTC)

Video

attainment - 2016-09-22 22:46 (UTC) - Expand

dirtyredneck - 2016-09-22 22:59 (UTC) - Expand

[ Hinami's not usually one for cannibal jokes despite, well, technically being one, but... ]

They had Onii-chan available for the cereal puns and they didn't even use him.

[ git gud ronald chump ]

Edited 2016-09-20 17:33 (UTC)

I'd cheerio them if they used my name, too!

[ ahahahaha he is so witty and smart ]

Ronald Chump must be stopped.

[Count 'Dookula' is not amused.]

Ambassador elections. Early November. At least these will be during election season.

Ohmygod do it.

(no subject)

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-20 18:24 (UTC) - Expand

itistolaugh - 2016-09-20 18:24 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-20 22:37 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:14 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 02:15 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:16 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:27 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 02:29 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:31 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 02:33 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:34 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 02:43 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:50 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 02:54 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:55 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 03:00 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 03:01 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-25 00:25 (UTC) - Expand

[PERMAPRIVATE]

the_caped_crusader - 2016-09-22 02:44 (UTC) - Expand

deadkord - 2016-09-22 02:49 (UTC) - Expand

No.

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-21 22:31 (UTC) - Expand

shutterbugged - 2016-09-21 22:38 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-21 22:48 (UTC) - Expand

Don't listen to Spider-Man, you'd be a great politician!

[ because they're all corrupt anyway and it'd keep him busy and not attacking holidays. c: ]

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-22 11:55 (UTC) - Expand

helpline - 2016-09-22 23:17 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-25 00:24 (UTC) - Expand

helpline - 2016-09-25 00:41 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-25 01:01 (UTC) - Expand

helpline - 2016-09-25 02:43 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-26 22:24 (UTC) - Expand

helpline - 2016-09-27 00:27 (UTC) - Expand

exceptfebruary - 2016-09-27 23:49 (UTC) - Expand

Another election? How interesting.

Where does one audition for Fifty Shades of Bae? I am an actress, after all.

[ MINT, NO. ]

You may want to audition elsewhere.

video;

primadovea - 2016-09-22 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

snarkbot - 2016-09-23 01:56 (UTC) - Expand

primadovea - 2016-09-23 02:14 (UTC) - Expand

snarkbot - 2016-09-26 01:25 (UTC) - Expand

primadovea - 2016-09-26 02:15 (UTC) - Expand

snarkbot - 2016-09-28 02:11 (UTC) - Expand

primadovea - 2016-09-28 04:00 (UTC) - Expand

snarkbot - 2016-09-29 01:38 (UTC) - Expand

primadovea - 2016-09-29 03:15 (UTC) - Expand

snarkbot - 2016-10-02 00:16 (UTC) - Expand

primadovea - 2016-10-02 14:00 (UTC) - Expand

snarkbot - 2016-10-05 01:52 (UTC) - Expand

primadovea - 2016-10-05 01:56 (UTC) - Expand

snarkbot - 2016-10-11 01:16 (UTC) - Expand

This is suspiciously like home without the impending branding photoshoots. [She looks mildly amused.] It would have been nice to be consulted, though. What do the boxes even look like?

COMMENT HERE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN CAMPAIGNING FOR NONAH AMBASSADOR

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Re: COMMENT HERE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN CAMPAIGNING FOR NONAH AMBASSADOR

Video

Video

Video

text;

text;

no subject

Voice;

Voice;

voice;

no subject

text;

video;

video;

video;