Alfie Solomons (
devoutish) wrote in
maskormenace2016-12-05 05:38 pm
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💣 003 | audio
Yeah. This Christmas thing. It's just fucking over the top, innit? You do know we're barely into December? You need to calm down, all of you.
[Alfie's tone is chiding, but in a light and teasing way that isn't really meant to be taken as a serious condemnation - he's actually been in an okay mood these past couple of weeks. This is just one more car on the culture shock train. The Christmas celebrations and decorations that he's is used to seeing at home are much more subdued, and definitely don't start this early in the season.]
Is this an American custom, or a twenty-first century custom? If I were to pay a visit across the ocean, would the Europeans be kicking up this much of a fuss? Fucking hell.
[Alfie's tone is chiding, but in a light and teasing way that isn't really meant to be taken as a serious condemnation - he's actually been in an okay mood these past couple of weeks. This is just one more car on the culture shock train. The Christmas celebrations and decorations that he's is used to seeing at home are much more subdued, and definitely don't start this early in the season.]
Is this an American custom, or a twenty-first century custom? If I were to pay a visit across the ocean, would the Europeans be kicking up this much of a fuss? Fucking hell.
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Do religious men invite unmarried women into their homes?
[ There's another pause before her smile widens. ]
Unless body worship counts.
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I won't argue there.
If you want any donations for your temple you'll have to come get it yourself.
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With pleasure.
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I'm over in house number nine here.
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[ She might have some wine still around... ]
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However, Hemali isn't alone; there's a peculiar damp smell that comes from somewhere in the living room, accompanied by dirt and leaves. It's not overwhelming in the least, but it's certainly out of place among concrete walls and wooden floors. ]
More bread? Are you trying to make me fat, Alfie?
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Is it good enough to?
[He moves into the kitchen and sets it down on the counter, next to the wine.]
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It'll go straight to my thighs.
[ She heads toward the pantry, fishing out two wine glasses and setting them on the counter. ]
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Have you got a pet, or is that for you?
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Dhia is not a pet, but she does need a place to sleep.
[ Where is Dhia? That remains a mystery. ]
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[He's taking a look around the living room - as much as he can without actually leaving the kitchen, anyway.]
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She won't hurt you — unless I tell her to.
[ Hemali steps away from the counter, moving toward the entrance of the kitchen and peering around a corner to call out: ]
Dhia, come say hello.
[ After a minute, a large and vibrant python slithers into the kitchen, keeping close to Hemali the entire time. A tongue flicks out on occasion to taste the air, beady eyes focused on Alfie's form. ]
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Fucking hell-- I can see why you're happy not to have housemates anymore.
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Isn't she a beauty?
[ She bends down and reaches a finger for the blood python's head, who in turn lifts itself so it gets close enough to Hemali's face, flicking her tongue out against Hemali's nose.
It tickles. ]
Don't worry, she's not poisonous.
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[He's only half-joking. And definitely not coming any closer.]
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[ The answer is yes, but Alfie hasn't gotten on her bad side, so he's safe.
Besides, the poor python would suffer if it tried to eat Alfie. Hemali, on the other hand, would make it quick and simple.
She gets to her feet, the python lowering herself back to the floor and slithering her way back into the living room where her cozy habitat is. ]
Are you afraid?
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