21 ⚜ Misfired Text

[restingstitchface]

[Attached is a single message: it's not the worst he's written, but it's up there.]

Is it unethical to inform children Santa isn't real?

Comments

[helpline]

I don't know why you keep saying 'fairy tales', considering he's real.

Jury's still out on the Easter Bunny, by the way.

[restingstitchface]

[Clearly the real issue is he's bitter he never got presents.]

Well, I...

[Why is he discussing that as if it's real?]

It's not even Easter yet. I picture the jury sitting down then. Can't you afford to be patient?

[helpline]

Why on Earth would I want to be patient?

[ said as if patience is LITERALLY THE WORST THING EVER ]

[restingstitchface]

Because here you've got time.

[He lived months under the threat of a nuclear bomb and kept his patience. Get on his level.]

[helpline]

To what, wait until Easter to check to see if the rabbit's real? You think I haven't done that already?

[restingstitchface]

[This doesn't make sense!]

I assumed you've been here months. Not longer than Easter, certainly. I haven't paid attention to what you've done, honestly.

[helpline]

I've been here over a year, you know.

[ this doesn't make sense = the Doctor Who story ]

[restingstitchface]

Really? How could you have survived all that time without turning crazy?

[By turning others crazy through your grumpy old man speak? MAYBE.]

[helpline]

Who's to say I haven't?

[ by being over two thousand and ECCENTRIC AS HELL. ]

[restingstitchface]

Everyone who hasn't met you, I'd wager.

[They both make people want to kill them soon as they speak. They should be superfriends.]

[helpline]

I dunno, I have ruined a swear-in before. That's enough to automatically get you labeled as erratic, possibly crazy as well.

[ by their powers combined, they are annoying ]

[restingstitchface]

Oh, that's an accusation thrown about all the time by uneducated people who don't comprehend madness.

[Says the Arkham patient.]

Who's the guilty party in your case?

[Everyone? Everyone.]

[helpline]

Guilty for what, labeling me erratic? Well easily myself. At least it's just erratic, though—a friend of mine willingly calls herself bananas, that's a bit harsher connotations.

[restingstitchface]

[He could ask about that friend, but this man would never shut up - and that's a distraction he's unwilling to deal with.]

Yes, well, interesting men need interesting company. I can imagine you're feeling quite bored without necessary stimulation?

[helpline]

For the most part. But if I don't have the stimulation, I'll simply make it myself.

[ if there is no trouble THEN HE SHALL MAKE IT ]

[restingstitchface]

That's a perfectly reasonable course of action.

[Says the guy who uses fear toxin.]

Still, stimulation's a funny thing, isn't it? Something's that's so good and fun for you, and yet so many people can have a problem with it.

[helpline]

Well, like most things, it all depends on the stimulation. Some's good, some's bad. It's like food!

[restingstitchface]

More like alcohol, one'd say.

Oh, by the way, do you still request Cabernet?

[helpline]

[ goddammit, he had a feeling he invited Crane to the party via misfires. :| ]

Yep! Bring a mixer though—not for the Cabernet, but for the younger or not-drinking crowd.

[restingstitchface]

[Oh. That invite was to a party with children?

Ugh. Fine.]

Good lord, no. They can have water.

[helpline]

Or Sprite. Bring Cabernet and Sprite.

[ it is not that hard Crane, gosh!!! ]

[restingstitchface]

[He'll turn up with diet pepsi and sprite you all.]

You mean you want to give them sugar?

[All that sugar? In a house full of kids? Ha ha NOPE.]

[helpline]

It's Christmas! The point of Christmas is to eat enough sugar until you get sick, that's what you do!

[ HYPERACTIVE CHILDREN & PSEUDO-CHILDREN PARTY ]

[restingstitchface]

[What a lovely protest... that goes in one ear, and upon encountering his background flies out the other.]

Indulgence. Greed, selfishness and guilt. A woeful lack of self-control? I certainly cannot agree that's the point of Christmas. Do you expect me to carry on such revelry? [A shrug.] I am not the police. I don't particularily care what you're doing to soothe your needs.

[Wow, someone's bitter.]

[helpline]

Sounds like someone needs his own Christmas Carol experience.