(no subject)

[lapwing]

[On the network is what appears to be a young boy, about 12 or 13 years old. For a moment, he stares quite soulfully at the video output impossibly deep, black eyes, and then pokes at the screen with one fingernail.]

Not even a proper imp in there, how's that for you...?

[He pulls back and mimes clearing his throat. A voice far, far more booming than is fit for the child's face resounds across the feed.]

Right, broadcast. AHEM. This is just a friendly, non-suspicious question, inquiring on when the next coup or violent overthrow of this government is going to be. Not that I'm actually advocating it, I just know you humans really can't resist.

I'm pretty handy with a popcorn machine if anyone can provide good seats.

Comments

[dendarii]

She likes me just fine.

[lapwing]

Sure. Sure. I'm here to break your will down and grind your resolution to dust, not break up your wedding plans.

[dendarii]

... There's no plans to break up. And that's fine.

[lapwing]

Which bit is fine?

[dendarii]

No plans. For marriage, I mean.

[lapwing]

Oh good, looks like she's got some taste still.

[dendarii]

Her taste or lack thereof is her decision.

[lapwing]

Oh, no arguing on that point. She's got way too much stubborn to even bother trying.

[dendarii]

Just so. I could sooner teach a cat to talk.

[lapwing]

Are you kidding? They talk non stop. Chatty little critters.

Now teaching a human to listen? That's a trick.

[dendarii]

They'd be terribly stubborn about it regardless.

[lapwing]

If you ask my opinion,¹ it constantly amazes me how you haven't wipe yourselves off your planet yet, despite all of that stubbornness at giving the task a go.

[dendarii]

That's why we've taken on multiple planets. That way we only blow up one out of several.

[lapwing]

Oh good on you. There's some forward thinking of a prime invasive species.

[dendarii]

Can you blame us? Wouldn't you do the same?

[lapwing]

No.

[dendarii]

... No? Why not?

[lapwing]

Because the only conflict my kind ever has with itself is when we're forced to kill each other by you. And besides, this world is painful to even stay in for short periods. You can have it, and all of the others you find.

[dendarii]

You've no wars at all? I find that hard to believe.

[lapwing]

Your world is where all of the real horrors are, fun size.

[dendarii]

You'd develop your own without us.

[lapwing]

You think? Ask Kitty what my world is like.

[dendarii]

... Because she's been there, yes? I'm aware.

[lapwing]

Exactly because. We're not human. You can't put your standards on us.

[dendarii]

And yet I doubt you're as different as you claim.