maskormenace | (no subject)

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[On the network is what appears to be a young boy, about 12 or 13 years old. For a moment, he stares quite soulfully at the video output impossibly deep, black eyes, and then pokes at the screen with one fingernail.]

Not even a proper imp in there, how's that for you...?

[He pulls back and mimes clearing his throat. A voice far, far more booming than is fit for the child's face resounds across the feed.]

Right, broadcast. AHEM. This is just a friendly, non-suspicious question, inquiring on when the next coup or violent overthrow of this government is going to be. Not that I'm actually advocating it, I just know you humans really can't resist.

I'm pretty handy with a popcorn machine if anyone can provide good seats.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Please don't tell me that you're the origin of all those idiotic riddles with the gate guardian who claims always to lie or whatever.

It was a really boring shift, okay.

Good eating, though.

You didn't really...

We're all one in the Other Place. I'm just hurrying it back along.

Right, and what about the humans you ate?

Does me the excellent favour of A. Dying and releasing my bondage. B. Giving me a fairwell boost. C. Indigestion, because what magician doesn't get a last word in.

I mean what happens to them.

Aren't you guys the ones with all of the religion nonsense? Don't ask me.

My point is that killing oughtn't be taken lightly.

You know, I'm not going to live long with that kind of mentality.

I'm really fond of living long. Sort of a habit.

I don't take killing lightly, and I've lived quite a long time.

Oh yes. How many centuries have you gotten on?

Two decades isn't bad, thanks.

Eh. [ In his best annoying human voice. ] You'll understand when you get older.

[ She purses her lips in annoyance. Finally: ]

So age equals wisdom, does it?

I'm glad we agree.

Because I seem to recall reading that Faquarl was your senior.

So he says. I let him have it since it made him feel better.

Being the better spirit I am, and all.

Oh, right. And all the books just decided to back him up...

Look. He's always had a good old time sucking up to the old bastards that write the books. It's no wonder his name shows up where mine should be.

He...didn't really strike me as someone who spent a lot of time sucking up.

Oh, you only met him in the nefarious all of my evil plans have come to fruition bit. He used to do a lot of bowing, scraping. Cooking.

Sorry, did you say cooking?

Sure did. Don't ask me.

It was always the kitchen. And the butcher knives... [ He gives a little shudder here. ]

What, butcher knives as weapons? Instead of - a Detonation or something? I didn't know spirits often...armed themselves. [ Though, admittedly - ] Though I generally was going up against imps and foliots and the like. Less often the cleverer spirits.