017 ♍ VIDEO

[glowsferatu]

[ Kanaya comes onto the video huddled close to the camera, speaking almost in a whisper. She's trying to hide something, or escape prying ears. ]

So, I know this is short notice, but I'm in a bit of a bind. It's my daughter's birthday tomorrow and I've...never really hosted a party for anyone her age before? I mean, it's only her first, and I'm still working out what exactly it is that I'm doing. She's without any friends her age to invite over, and I'm not acquainted with many other young parents to take notes from. You know, she isn't like human girls, so it's not easy to socialize her with them.

So, I don't know. If anyone would be interested in celebrating a one-year-old grub's birthday, or has ideas to pass off for what such a celebration should look like...

[ She freezes, cutting herself off as she looks off to the side. Her eyes are wide as if she's been caught in the act, but so overdramatically that it must be facetious, right? Her eyes flash back to the camera, then it tilts over to a nearby doorway, where something large and white stares up. Kanaya's daughter is a moth larva who's the size of a medium dog, for now.

She clicks at Kanaya suspiciously, but Kanaya just gives her a smile. ]

It's nothing, darling! Go on and finish your dinner before the dog gets into it. [ Ashiah's on to her, she has to cut this short. She looks back over at the camera, and mouths "Help" before the feed ends. ]

Comments

[devoutish]

[WHY IS EVERYBODY HERE BUGFUCK INSANE]

That is a giant maggot, and I won't hear otherwise.

[glowsferatu]

[ WELL IT HELPS WHEN YOU'RE A BUG TO START WITH ]

She's closer to a lepidopteran, thank you very much! Maggots are disgusting creatures who grow up to become even more disgusting creatures. I'd thank you not to compare all forms of larvae to them.

[performance]

[ Some things are never not going to be weird, but at least he has a pretty good poker face. ]

You know, I think most parties for human one year olds are actually really more for the parents, but... [ pause. ] Well, what kinds of things does she like?

[glowsferatu]

That's one of the problems with socializing her, she's a fair bit more developed than a human her age. They're all just learning how to walk and speak, as I understand it, while she's been doing both soon after hatching. It just, you know, isn't in any language most people understand.

[ Kanaya does, at least for the most part, but she has a fair deal more experience with mother grubs than even most of her species would. She'd never expect a human to know what any of her clicks and chirps mean. ]

She likes the things most kids like, I should think. Television, dancing, climbing up where he's not meant to be, sugar, digging holes in the yard. I've gone wrong somewhere I think, because she seems to have developed the deepest affection for puppets.

But at least it isn't clowns.

[devoutish]

I wouldn't judge maggots, if I were you. What happens when the next girl shows up with one as a daughter?

[earnedmystripes]

...Caaaan she eat cake?

[#nailed it]

[glowsferatu]

Even aside from the high unlikelihood of that, it's a bit rich coming from someone who was just judging maggots.

[devoutish]

Yeah, but I haven't got a maggot daughter, have I.

[glowsferatu]

I'm not sure, she never has before. I know she can handle ice cream well enough, but cake has a bit more to it.

[glowsferatu]

And that makes two of us.

[devoutish]

A larva daughter, then. What did you call it, leptid--?

[glowsferatu]

Lepidopteran. That's the taxonomic order you lot sort moths and butterflies into.

My Ashiah's a pre-pupal Mother Grub. So, more a caterpillar than a maggot.

[devoutish]

And you are not a caterpillar.

[performance]

Hey, there's nothing wrong with puppets. [ A beat. ] Well, Most puppets. Ventriloquist dummies are objectively creepy. And you're right, clowns have been ruined for everyone.

So she's developmentally sorta like a human preschooler? Just... with way more legs?

[glowsferatu]

I'm a troll. We're an insect species still, but, as you might have noticed, distinctly bipedal post-pupation.

1/2

[glowsferatu]

God, why did I google that.

[devoutish]

You're saying that's gonna turn out like you? Talking, thinking...?

[glowsferatu]

Alright, so, yes. Those will be the puppets to avoid. Luckily, she hasn't caught on to that sort yet. And hopefully never will.

[ Fucking puppets, man. ]

Preschooler might be a fair guess, I'd have to look into it more. Whatever stage of humanity is just overly enthusiastic to know everything about everything, heedless of any risks taken to oneself.

[glowsferatu]

Quite the opposite. When she's fully grown, she'll be thirty feet tall and winged. She's adopted, you see.

Still, she's already thinking and talking. Just not in a language most will understand.

[devoutish]

Mm.

Is it more animal or alien?

[glowsferatu]

Why are those mutually exclusive?

[devoutish]

Oh, I'm sure there's alien animals; animals that wouldn't exist on Earth. But for my purposes here, right, I'm putting them in the same category as a dog or a cat.

[glowsferatu]

So, you're defining "animal" is something below the line of sapience, rather than a general umbrella for fauna. I would have thought the answer to that would be implicit in my description of her as "thinking". Non-sapient animals aren't really thinking in the same way.

The planet we're native to isn't Earth, so I suppose we'd qualify as "aliens". But I never have liked that word.

[devoutish]

But it is thinking of a sort. Better to be sure which kind of thinking you meant, eh?

[glowsferatu]

I didn't think it was necessary, when the question was if she'd be thinking like I am. Unless you weren't sure if I'm sapient for some reason?