017 ♍ VIDEO

[glowsferatu]

[ Kanaya comes onto the video huddled close to the camera, speaking almost in a whisper. She's trying to hide something, or escape prying ears. ]

So, I know this is short notice, but I'm in a bit of a bind. It's my daughter's birthday tomorrow and I've...never really hosted a party for anyone her age before? I mean, it's only her first, and I'm still working out what exactly it is that I'm doing. She's without any friends her age to invite over, and I'm not acquainted with many other young parents to take notes from. You know, she isn't like human girls, so it's not easy to socialize her with them.

So, I don't know. If anyone would be interested in celebrating a one-year-old grub's birthday, or has ideas to pass off for what such a celebration should look like...

[ She freezes, cutting herself off as she looks off to the side. Her eyes are wide as if she's been caught in the act, but so overdramatically that it must be facetious, right? Her eyes flash back to the camera, then it tilts over to a nearby doorway, where something large and white stares up. Kanaya's daughter is a moth larva who's the size of a medium dog, for now.

She clicks at Kanaya suspiciously, but Kanaya just gives her a smile. ]

It's nothing, darling! Go on and finish your dinner before the dog gets into it. [ Ashiah's on to her, she has to cut this short. She looks back over at the camera, and mouths "Help" before the feed ends. ]

Comments

[devoutish]

[WHY IS EVERYBODY HERE BUGFUCK INSANE]

That is a giant maggot, and I won't hear otherwise.

[glowsferatu]

[ WELL IT HELPS WHEN YOU'RE A BUG TO START WITH ]

She's closer to a lepidopteran, thank you very much! Maggots are disgusting creatures who grow up to become even more disgusting creatures. I'd thank you not to compare all forms of larvae to them.

[performance]

[ Some things are never not going to be weird, but at least he has a pretty good poker face. ]

You know, I think most parties for human one year olds are actually really more for the parents, but... [ pause. ] Well, what kinds of things does she like?

[glowsferatu]

That's one of the problems with socializing her, she's a fair bit more developed than a human her age. They're all just learning how to walk and speak, as I understand it, while she's been doing both soon after hatching. It just, you know, isn't in any language most people understand.

[ Kanaya does, at least for the most part, but she has a fair deal more experience with mother grubs than even most of her species would. She'd never expect a human to know what any of her clicks and chirps mean. ]

She likes the things most kids like, I should think. Television, dancing, climbing up where he's not meant to be, sugar, digging holes in the yard. I've gone wrong somewhere I think, because she seems to have developed the deepest affection for puppets.

But at least it isn't clowns.

[earnedmystripes]

...Caaaan she eat cake?

[#nailed it]

[glowsferatu]

I'm not sure, she never has before. I know she can handle ice cream well enough, but cake has a bit more to it.

[raw]

This isn't one of those horror movie tropes where the weird bugthing mind controls someone into believing they're it's parent is it?

[glowsferatu]

no this is one of those tragedy tropes where your adopted mother leaves you an egg when she dies and you raise it as your own daughter
or one of those horror tropes where the both of you are trapped living on an alien world and the native species is composed of small-minded brutes who think making jokes about your daughter being some sort of horror monster is an appropriate thing to do

what the fuck were you expecting me to say here

[resipiscent]

[There's someone he hasn't seen in a little while.]

She's getting big, huh?

[If Kanaya has no idea what to do for a one-year-old grub, though, Riku sure doesn't.]

As for suggestions... I guess gathering up all the people she likes is a start.

[glowsferatu]

[ The part she never anticipated going into it is how much of parenting is just making shit up as you go. This is one of those parts. ]

She likes a lot of people, honestly. Pretty much anyone who likes her.

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[dumbfound]

It's Ashiah's birthday tomorrow?

[ Saying that way too loud over video when Kanaya is trying to be secretive here. ]

Video

[glowsferatu]

[ Kanaya presses a finger to her lips, very enthusiastically shushing him. ]

Quiet! I'm trying to keep the whole thing a surprise!

video;

[hunksmash]

Wow. That's, uh.... [ That's a big ol' worm baby. ] Never mind.

My birthday's tomorrow, too, actually. I can double up on my cake recipe, if it makes your party burden a little lighter.

video;

[glowsferatu]

That's very kind of you! I'll still have to determine if she can even eat cake, but it should at least help with any guests.

So, how old will you be?

[butterflyforawhiteguy]

[ Sorry one of the only people who is not phased by this in the slightest is this disaster. ]

Jesus Christ, she's huge! She's a year old and she hasn't pupated yet?

[glowsferatu]

[ Hey, at least someone seems to get what she is, to some extent. She'll take the win. ]

Obviously she isn't going to grow at the same rate as anything Terran! They're only little things. She has a lot more growing to do before she gets to that point, and plenty of years until then.

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[alreadyhuman]

[ When you're already used to animal people and gargans you don't really care about giant larvae children honestly, he's heard weirder ]

Oh! I'd be interested! [ He sounds very excited. ] I can help cook and everything! Birthdays are fun!

[ He's never really celebrated his birthday but THAT DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL ]

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[glowsferatu]

[ That just means he'll need the practice! ]

Well, glad to hear someone's enthusiastic for it! A birthday is supposed to be an exciting occasion, right?

But it's probably best to handle formal introductions beforehand. I'm Kanaya. The squirmy subject of celebration is Ashiah.

[acclimatized]

Wow. It's been a year already?

I'll bring some balloons over.

[glowsferatu]

It was a bit of a long one, wasn't it? Not as much to deal with every time you turn your head, like the last few before it.

[ But maybe she's also forgetting the invasion wasn't the year before. 2015 just didn't let her go until the end of February. ]

( video )

[drizzle]

[After watching this video in its entirety, Nike was no less than shock by almost everything she had witnessed because...]

Wait!? You're a mom, Kanaya!?

[And her daughter was going to be one soon too!? Nike will leave that question out until she is absolutely certain the rather large baby grub is out of ear-shot. There was no need to ruin her first birthday.]

( video )

[glowsferatu]

And I've been one for a whole year, at that! [ She gives her a laugh. ] Possibly longer, depending on the way you interpret certain relationships I've had.

Motherhood's been a bit of my destiny since I hatched.

[unbreaker]

It goes without saying that I'm in, right?

[Josuke wouldn't miss it for the world.]

Maybe we can make her a cake with food she likes, or hire someone who can make balloon animals? Or it could be a costume birthday party and everyone could come dressed as characters from a kid's show! And Ashiah could dress up as her favorite character. Or whatever she wants since she's the birthday girl.

[He could probably spew ideas all day. Don't let him. Just...tell him to bring a nice present and promise to give the birthday girl a piggyback ride. That'll do, right?]

[glowsferatu]

Oh, I took your attendance for granted, Josuke! I probably couldn't bar you if I wanted to.

[ And hey, she's not exactly bad at barring people. ]

I think something a little more simple might be best to start with. Maybe we can go elaborate once she's more familiar with the concept already. Just bring yourself and something nice.

But, you know, if you really want to wear a costume, I won't stop you.

[ She might regret this. ]

video;

[notyourfathersosborn]

Wow, it's been a year already? I can't believe how big she's gotten.

As for parties... I can't say I know too much about babies [And even less about grub babies] so... what does she like normally?

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[glowsferatu]

It's funny how time goes on like that, isn't it? [ And, considering the events that immediately preceded it: ] I hope it's been a good year for you. With everything.

She likes, you know, the things small children like. Playing outside, eating dirt, watching television, not going to sleep when she should. That sort of thing.

VIDEO.

[aojona]

[ He peers curiously into the feed, then tilts his head mildly. ]

I think it's pretty normal not to have friends when you're one-year-old. And uh-- well, I have a younger brother and sister, so I remember a little about helping with their parties... a lot of exciting-looking decorations and fun things to do is usually a good start.

VIDEO.

[glowsferatu]

I suppose I just see a lot of things in which young mothers swarm together, pooling their children to create a social cluster. But I don't think I've really had that same opportunity, between running a business and being an alien and having some small modicum of celebrity that comes with being an imPort.

I'm never sure how they'll react to me, how their children will react to Ashiah, how she'll react to all of them. It's all a sort of gamble I just haven't felt like taking just yet.