[Video]

[bloodshots]

[ Tabris squints at the camera, moving it back and forth until she's sure that she can be clearly seen. Strange magic, but she's getting used to it. ]

Okay, so. This one is for all of the nonhumans of us out there. Sorry, shems.

[ She's not sorry. ]

Alright, so, I don't know about you guys, but having a couple hundred prisoners who don't like imPorts made it profoundly clear that I have a big glowy sign over my head that says 'imPort'. Or, I guess the sign is on the side of my head, because. Pointy ears.

From what I can tell, this world only cranks out humans. Which--Andraste's flaming ass, it's weird. Why do they only have humans running around? Do you think they went and, like. Killed off everyone else? I wouldn't put it past them.

[ She pauses for a moment. ]

If I'm actually full of shit and there are some organically grown all natural nonhumans from this world, please direct me to them and I'll send them a gift basket in apology.

Comments

[byblow]

I'm fairly sure she's dead. I'm also fairly sure I wouldn't have a say in her replacement, if I were there. Funny what people don't feel the need to ask my opinion on.

[ Like parking an army in Haven and then burying it in snow, or inviting Tevinter to Redcliffe, or occupying fortresses in Crestwood. He'd go hassle Lavellan, too, except what's a Lavellan?? And he's not paying attention. ]

If I make it back, I'll send Weisshaupt a firm letter. Just for you.

[bloodshots]

Dear Weisshaupt, I met a different Warden-Commander, not from this world, but a world where they let loud asshole elves run around making themselves Warden-Commanders. I know you're laughing, please stop. Anyway, this mysterious otherworldly (but also hilarious, witty, and stunningly attractive) Warden-Commander wanted to give you a message: 'Fuck you'.

[byblow]

All right, say that again, but slower. I'm writing it down.

[ And he is legitimately ducking out of the frame to look for something to write with. ]

[bloodshots]

Blah blah, Alistair's a loser, blah blah, stop putting Orlesians in charge. Blah blah, Tabris is the best.

[ She does, however, dutifully speak slowly. ]

[byblow]

Blah... blah... Tabris is the worst, [ Alistair mutters under his breath as he writes words that might be what she said or might be the lyrics to "Andraste's Mabari." When he looks up he smiles. ] This will definitely work. I'm also going to say you said I don't have to have dinner with anyone who wears more than five pieces of jewelry at a time.

[bloodshots]

Alistair, I can throw down with you at any time. [ She threatens, while trying very hard (and failing) not to look as amused as she is. At least she takes the time to think over his request. ]

...Yeah, sure, no one needs that much jewelry, anyway. This'll work just as well as any requests for aid Weissaupt has ever answered, I'm sure. But they're probably very busy ignoring the Inquisition's stupid magister darkspawn, so hopefully they'll be able to pencil in ignoring us somewhere in there.

[byblow]

[ He hits a snag here, because he doesn't actually know enough about Tabris to say whether or not she could beat him up. Mahariel certainly could not.

They'll have to find out sometime. For now he only hums skeptically and moves on. ]

Well, they are very busy with whatever it is they do up there. Counting coins and writing lists of demands. I never realized how annoying the Wardens could be until I wasn't one.