[Video]

[bloodshots]

[ Tabris squints at the camera, moving it back and forth until she's sure that she can be clearly seen. Strange magic, but she's getting used to it. ]

Okay, so. This one is for all of the nonhumans of us out there. Sorry, shems.

[ She's not sorry. ]

Alright, so, I don't know about you guys, but having a couple hundred prisoners who don't like imPorts made it profoundly clear that I have a big glowy sign over my head that says 'imPort'. Or, I guess the sign is on the side of my head, because. Pointy ears.

From what I can tell, this world only cranks out humans. Which--Andraste's flaming ass, it's weird. Why do they only have humans running around? Do you think they went and, like. Killed off everyone else? I wouldn't put it past them.

[ She pauses for a moment. ]

If I'm actually full of shit and there are some organically grown all natural nonhumans from this world, please direct me to them and I'll send them a gift basket in apology.

Comments

video

[dendarii]

Ah, you must be an elf. Welcome to this world.

[ Miles is a rather gaunt human, somewhat sunken-eyed but bright with energy. ]

I can point you to your fellow elven imPorts if you like. But alas, there seem to be no native nonhumans here. The same is true in my own world.

[video]

[bloodshots]

Yep. All natural alienage-raised elf, that's me. I wouldn't mind getting a list of some of the other elves wandering around. How many of us are there, anyway?

[ Pause. ]

No offense, [ Which means she's about to say something offensive. ] But what the fuck is wrong with your worlds?

video.

[indocile]

I haven't run into any. People seem to find elves as novel here as they do at home. Well;

( a tilt of her tattooed hand-- )


A little more, a little less. There are lots of novelties here.

[bloodshots]

I hope by 'novel' you don't mean 'only good for manual labor, on or off their backs' because I got done with that whole deal a long time ago and just started killing the shems that tried it.

video

[notsheepish]

Okay, don't quote me on this, because most of this part of the documentary flew over my head, but I'm pretty sure the last people in this world who weren't human as we know it died out or bred in about 50,000 years ago.

[bloodshots]

[ She mulls on this a bit. ]

...How does anyone know who was kicking around a million years ago? Like, did they leave inscribed stone tablets: 'These fucking humans are gonna kill us'.

video;

[oceanthief]

There were only humans on the planet five thousand years ago, so they'd have had to get rid of anyone else before that.

[and, judging from Lapis' tone of voice, she highly doubts that any human would be capable of even trying something like that five thousand years ago. it was a pretty embarrassing state of affairs back for them back then, tech-wise.]

[bloodshots]

Someone else told me there were other people around a while before that, but...I don't know how they'd pull it off. They don't even have blood magic here, and that's how humans attempted it in my world a couple thousand years ago.

video

[byblow]

The televisions say there are elves at the North Pole.

[ He's not actually this stupid. Not now, anyway. He asked someone if there were really elves at the North Pole already. But the No Shems Allowed sign on this post means that he definitely has to say something. ]

And in trees, making cookies.

[bloodshots]

I said this was no humans allowed so I'm just gonna assume you've actually been Thedas' tallest dwarf this whole time.

[ Beat. ]

The cookies are good, though.

video

[monge]

You haven't seen any of the animals yet, zura...?

[Those are pretty natural and nonhuman, right? ...right?]

That's too bad, I hope you can find someone to take you to a zoo someday, zura.

[bloodshots]

I've never heard of an animal in my entire life.

video;

[rideme]

Yeah that happens. Try being about two feet taller than all those assholes, with a handsome rack.

That'll piss 'em off even worse. I think they're jealous.

[bloodshots]

[ She squints at the screen. ]

Maker's brass balls, you're big. Even for a qunari. How do you get in doors? Shit, I'm jealous. I want to be two feet taller.

...My rack is pretty fantastic already, though.

[ Wink wink wink. ]

Permavid

[governorkang]

From what I've gathered, most versions of Earth are like this.

[bloodshots]

Okay, but why.

[ Video ]

[ghoulking]

It's difficult to see this as "not for humans" post when you mostly only talk about them. [ yes, yes, she made it very clear she didn't like humans, yes yes, good on her, yes yes, good luck with that. ]

This world's fauna is actually very vast. But I suppose you mean rational and sentient non-humans - and if so, you won't find any besides imPorts. [ which it IS weird, but most versions of earth are like that ] But no, they didn't kill them off - it was evolution mostly.

[bloodshots]

This may be a difficult concept to grasp, I understand. However, the fact is, that it's possible to want to talk about something without wanting to talk to that something.

Pretty amazing, huh.

[ She has no idea what this 'evolution' he's talking about is, but it seems like a bad idea to ask after being a shithead. ]

voice

[alreadyhuman]

[ Oh, this lady is...significantly less colourful than he's used to from nonhumans where he comes from, but she says she's one so he's inclined to take her word. ]

Um, I don't know! Maybe that's just not how this world was made, I guess? It's kind of strange seeing just humans around, but maybe that's not really polite to say...

[bloodshots]

[ In Tabris' defense, she would totally jump at the chance to have some crazy hue of skin color. Blue? Yellow? Maybe a rainbow. ]

It probably isn't that polite, [ Which has never stopped her. ] but it's worth consideration. What, in particular, made this world so different from so many others? Although--I guess this world is 'Earth', and all the various variations tend towards that?

I don't know. It's odd.

video;

[mischiefsmith]

Well if this is Earth then humans are the dominate life forms, but I can tell you of other realms where elves are the dominate life forms.

Light elves dominate Alfheim a realm that inhabits one of the highest regions on the world tree.

Dark elves are the main inhabitants of Svartalfheim, a lower region on the world tree.

[bloodshots]

[ Well, that catches her attention. She leans forward, chin in hand. ]

The world tree? Is that like--[ How to not sound like an idiot. ]--Some kind of tree that has...worlds hanging off it? Like apples? [ Nailed it. ]

I've never heard of light and dark elves before. What are they like?

Video

[ret2go]

[From the likewise-pointy ears and long purple hair, it's clear that the young woman on the other end of the video feed isn't human herself.] You know, that's a really good question. It's kind of weird that there's only "normal" humans here, right? No magical creatures, no genies, nothing like that.

Is it really that much of a problem though? Everyone's been pretty nice to me, except for the ones who tried to kill me, but they were criminals anyway.

[bloodshots]

While I don't generally consider people trying to kill me a problem, it does become an issue when this whole...imPort thing is so contentious.

...Also, it's just. Weird. Uh. Like you just said. I thought it was worth bringing up.

[Video]

[lapwing]

[ This djinni is finding the network to be just absolutely a blast. The cat form he's donning right now has a cheerfully smug look on their muzzle. ]

Nope, same old boring humans. You'd think they'd get some actual creativity going. A few horns, a few wings, an elegantly curling proboscis ... spice it up a bit.

[bloodshots]

[ She does kind of squint at the screen for a little bit. The last talking cat she had to deal with made her do puzzles. And tried to possess a little girl. But in the interest of not jumping to assumptions, she's going to presume this cat desires neither of those. ]

I would, personally, enthusiastically endorse more humans running around with some interesting modifications. They have the magic to pull people from other worlds and transport us around the world, surely they could handle slapping some horns on someone.

voice;

[whathawksdo]

[ And here is Miss Continuing To Find Video Quite Weird, to be increasingly unhelpful in the face of someone who is obviously from Thedas. So, just one Fereldan to another— ]

Oh, yes. There definitely are. I, for example, am a dragon from this very same world.

[ That's right. Dragon. Right here. Only not, at all. In retrospect, it's probably impolite to make light of this when there's an elf at the head of it, but who knows, maybe she'll get a free gift basket out of it. ]

Video

[dumbfound]

Yeah... maybe you are full of shit?

[ Wait, that sounds rude. ]

Uh... ok... so where I am from I thought there were mostly only humans? Well, I mean... humans, but also all the other animals. Uhhh...

Wait, hold on.

[ Getting quiet for a few seconds as he tries to organize his thoughts. ]

Ok! So, I thought there weren't nonhumans that looked mostly human at first, but also I was wrong? Because there were vampires they just didn't tell people they were vampires. So maybe there are ones here that are native? Or also other things that aren't vampires...

[ He tried hard. ]

video.

[glowsferatu]

Most, or probably all, nonhuman sapients come in the same way we did. Which means it's really just us. As far as I'm able to determine, humans are the only known species to ever have evolved to that level.

They say dolphins are close, but I can't say I've ever met a dolphin.