012 ★ Video (Filtered away from Kaneki)

Alright, I need a little help.

[Josuke is quick to the point when he addresses the network today. He may be at home, wrapped comfortably in a fuzzy blue throw blanket patterned with white stars and appearing for all the world like he's refusing to budge from his position on Heropa #004's couch, but he's nevertheless a man on a mission.]

See, I've got this friend...

[Ah, there it is. The reason for this Saturday afternoon interruption.

Josuke's even kind enough to include a picture! One he likely printed off his phone, but at least the face of one Ken Kaneki, blushing and embarrassed for some reason, is visible for all to see!]

...you probably all know him, so you know he's the kinda guy who worries more about other people than he does himself! And with Valentine's Day quickly approaching, it'd be a real shame if someone as smart, kind, and good-looking as Ken spent the day all by himself, right?

Which is where you guys come in!

[As he sits up, Josuke drops the TV remote off his lap and inevitably unmutes the television set in the room which...seems to be playing some kind of telenovela? Sure, why not. At least we know where he got this wild idea from.

After a moment of scrambling to mute that again, because Spanish expletives and jealous screaming is a little distracting, Josuke continues...]

I gotta find Ken a date!

[Because that's what good friends do.]

Or better yet, a bunch of dates! Because you can't find the one if you don't put yourself out there. So, which of you lucky people wants to sign up for an all-expenses-paid evening of fun with one of America's finest?

Come on, don't be shy!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nice and blonde.

But, like... Guys, right? At least mostly?

Oh! Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's more interested in guys! I don't know if that makes this easier or harder, though...

If my experience is anything to go by, it's probably easier.

Edited 2017-01-30 05:24 (UTC)

[Josuke's expression softens, the meaning behind that comment being one he's afraid he picked up on rather quickly.]

If I'm overstepping my bounds, just let me know, but uh...you're a really nice girl, Laurie. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend.

[He rubs his chin in thought and then adds cautiously...]

Maybe...would you like some help trying to find someone?

Oh, gosh, no. It's not... Mm. People have offered before. Or tried.

It was supposed to be more of a joke. I've definitely been out with a couple of guys who turned out be gay, or at least way more into other guys. One more and it's officially a running gag.

If you say so. Offer stands if you change your mind, though.

As for Ken...I think what he's gonna need is someone who won't rush things, but who'll still be able to take charge.

Thanks for the thought.

And, yeah. Um... I think another think to keep in mind is that it's probably got to be somebody who's really adaptable? If that's the right word. Or well-adjusted.

Ken, like... Has a lot of stuff going on, you know? I feel like it'd be a lot to deal with, if you felt like you had to take care of him. Unless I'm wrong and things have died down a bit.

[Josuke shakes his head. Things are still as chaotic as ever, whether Ken wants to admit it or not. He can say this much safely.]

You're right, someone well-adjusted would be best...who's open-minded and patient, too. They don't have to babysit Ken, that's not a relationship, but they should be willing to support him the same as any friend would. Ken can't be expected to lean on someone who's gonna run at the first sign of trouble. He deserves better than that...and needs better than that.

So... He needs Christ Himself with a bleach job and a left-of-biblical outlook?

I'll be on the lookout.

The right guy can't be that hard to find!

Oh, he can be. It is amazing how difficult this stuff is.

Of course, now I've reversed jinxed it. We'll find a guy now, no problem, just so the universe can prove that it's really just me. So, you know... It all works out in the end.

Uh...thanks?

[Wait, should he be thanking her after that kind of statement? He doesn't actually think she's the reason she hasn't found someone who can appreciate her, after all! And he doesn't want her to think he thinks that, either!]

I mean...I'm not really that superstitious, so I think we're both fine either way. It'll work out for Ken and for you!

Sure.

Maybe you could put a more specific add up somewhere? I'd suggest setting up a profile on a dating site or app, but those are probably going to be mostly world-native guys. I think Ken might require somebody adapted to powers and the jarring shit that comes with inter-dimensional kidnapping.

That's a great idea, the ad thing. And...I'm trying as much as possible to avoid world-native dates, not just because of powers, but because they're not as likely to understand everything else that comes with being an imPort. Like the port-outs and stuff.

[ Not to mention the cannibalism. ]

Yeah. That's probably for the best.

If you do it anonymously and make sure that the language isn't your usual style, he probably won't pick up on it. There's probably plenty of people cruising for Valentine's dates. What's one more, right?

[Look, he didn't wanna be the one to say it!]

Heh, I don't really mind Ken knowing I'm behind this, I just didn't want him to get wind of the idea at this stage. Was kinda hoping I'd have something to show him before that happened.

[Josuke laughs.]

I mean, I'm all for pranks, but letting someone else take the blame for something like this...that wouldn't be too cool, you know?

012 ★ Video (Filtered away from Kaneki)

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