video 🌟

[shittywizard]

[ A very fashionably dressed, green-skinned elf wearing a dapper, pointy hat over his long blond hair peers over the tops of some neon pink sunglasses to look into the camera. Surprisingly, he doesn't seem all that concerned with how this handheld technological wonder is able to broadcast him live, despite clearly being some sort of fantasy wizard. ]

So, this place is fucking bonkers, huh? One minute, I'm minding my own business, polishing the handle of my Umbra Staff and pretending to listen while some asshole tells me about his fish, and the next thing I know, I'm in some crazy bullshit world with floating battle wagons and way more elevators than could ever possibly be necessary.

On the bright side, I guess I'm a makeup artist now? Which sounds pretty sweet, I guess. Making people nicer to look at and not running all over the world to track down stupid-powerful weapons of mass destruction and almost getting killed every other Thursday? Sign me up! I needed a vacation, anyway.

But here's a really important question for all you listeners out there: who's gonna point Taako in the direction of the nearest day spa? Cha boy's had a hell of a day, and my pocket spa just ain't cutting it.

Comments

video;

[marriedmedium]

What city are you in, darling? I know several, but I'd hate to direct you to one out of your way.

[shittywizard]

Maurtia Falls, I guess? But if there's one that's worth travelling to, I'm all ears!

[marriedmedium]

Oh, excellent! Toddle on down to Gina's Deluxe Spa, darling, and tell them Sadie Doyle sent you. You'll get the best service.

video;

[snarkbot]

When you say "polishing your Umbra Staff" I hope that isn't a euphemism for something, sir. There's children on the Network.

[shittywizard]

Wow, okay, I guess someone had to go there, huh?

[ He reaches off screen and pulls back a very classy looking umbrella, shaking it at the camera. ]

[snarkbot]

My apologies, sir. I'm sure your umbrella must be very important to you if you polish it regularly.

[airshow]

Whaddya got against elevators, huh?

[shittywizard]

I had a bad experience.

[airshow]

Once bitten, twice shy? Did you get something caught in the door?

video;

[picksthenames]

Hold up. Stupid powerful weapons of mass destruction? You don't mean here, right?

[shittywizard]

...Huh, you could hear that part? Well, don't worry about it. Totally not here.

[picksthenames]

Okay good.

Why wouldn't I be able to hear that part of what you said?

video;

[shutterbugged]

...Okay, I have to ask about the pocket spa.

[shittywizard]

[ He pulls a cube out of his bag and holds it up for the camera. ]

Ask away, my dude.

[shutterbugged]

Are we talking about a conveniently travel-sized kit of items to help you relax, or-- [ he makes a vague box-shape with his hands ] --an actual "bigger on the inside" kind of thing?

[ This guy is clearly a wizard and Peter has hopes, okay ]

[heliophilic]

I dunno, I don't think there's such a thing as too many elevators.

[M's smirk betrays he's just being a dick. He can't help himself.]

[shittywizard]

We're going to have to agree to disagree on that one. Elevators are bullshit.

[heliophilic]

You'd rather walk up a flight of 40 stories?

video;

[wizzardly]

[that's a wizard's hat. On a green person.

With pointy ears.

Not only are wizards and elves completely incompatible on the Disc, but neither of them are ever green (magical mishaps, bad seafood dinners, or unexpected paint baths aside). So Taako's going to have to deal with a similarly pointy-hatted, skinny dude staring in utter bewilderment back at him.

Sorry, hold on. Am I correct in assuming that you're a wizard? You're.... a wizard?

[shittywizard]

[ Finally, someone who seems sensible in this place! ]

Yeah, what gave it away?

[wizzardly]

The hat, mostly.

Um.

...I couldn't help but also notice your ears.

video

[h2no]

I have so many questions but I think the most important is-- pocket spa??

[shittywizard]

Yep, that's what I said.

video

[missleadingquestions]

[oh well YOU sound like all that and a bag of Fun-Size chips]

A makeup artist, huh? Is that what you've got on now, or is the green au natural?

[shittywizard]

Nope, the green's all me.

[ He closes one eye, though, pointing to the lid where he's got darker green eyeshadow and winged liner so sharp it could kill a man. ]

This, on the other hand, takes skill.

[ ...Okay, so he magicked it on, but that's still a skill. Technically. ]