06 | video

[oceanthief]

[the feed is set to video, but Lapis seems only nominally interested in achieving a steady recording of her face. she's turned it on for another purpose, and the quality of everything else up until that point is really unimportant to her. at least gems don't have naturally shaky hands, even if the camera keeps trailing off into nothing now and then before she rights it, almost absent-mindedly.]

How long are you supposed to wait to be sure that someone's been ported out? I've seen people say stuff like 'a while', but humans and gems don't really seem to have the same idea of what a long time actually is.

I haven't seem someone who lives in this house with me for - [shit, fuck. Lapis' expression stutters into hesitance as she realizes that she has no idea how long she's been not seeing him, nor does she remember any useful earth calendar terms beyond month and year.] - I haven't really seen him lately. But he's kind of stupid and scared of me, so I don't know if that's on purpose or not.

[she gives a lopsided shrug, as if to say 'what can you do?' humans were a crazy weird little species, and she's given up trying to fix their misconceptions on a lot of things. if Hyunsoo wanted to think she was out to kill him, let him. he was the one looking dumb, not her.]

...I've got something else to ask, too.

[this is the reason that she'd switched the video on. Lapis' nose scrunches in a cross between disgust and bafflement before she swings the camera around to zero in on - the fridge?

without further ado, a little blue hand sneaks back into frame to swing the refrigerator door open. have you ever seen food left to its own devices for a little over a month, imPorts? if not, here's your prime chance to some front row seats because that is exactly what this fridge is full of.

clearly it's been a while since Hyunsoo was last here.]

Is food supposed to look like that?

Comments

[h2no]

Not eating?! But... everyone needs to eat! Are you okay?!

[oceanthief]

Of course I'm fine. Only organic things need outside energy sources.

[h2no]

[the tire screeching noise his brain is making is probably almost audiable.]

Are you not organic? You look it. Wait-- that's not offensive to call you organic, is it? Are you an alien? I'm really confused...

[oceanthief]

I'm a gem.

[an alien gem, but...again, details. Lapis ought to be better at this than she is for how many times she has this conversation.]

[h2no]

Is that why you're blue and don't eat? Because you're a rock?

...

Hey, try not to take that for granite !

[oceanthief]

I'm Lapis Lazuli.

[guess who also doesn't do puns alongside eating and normal skin tones? THIS GEMMMMM]

[h2no]

I'm glad the situation in your fridge didn't make you lose your apatite.

[he thinks he is SO CLEVER.]

Seriously, though, I guess that explains why you're blue... do you have any gold?

[oceanthief]

Lapis.

[normally Lapis would just let another human messing up her name go, because at this point it's not worth the struggle. but this guy seems to be under some sort of chronic misconception here - first it was granite, then apatite and fucking gold? this was just going to spin out of control if she didn't stop the flow of mistaken identities now.

and so she repeats herself, a little slower and a little louder, as if that would help pierce the thick organic matter encasing whatever organ allowed Archie to grapple with reality. surely this was a flawless plan.]

[h2no]

[LAPIS GOD DAMN IT]

I... yeah, I got that. It was a joke?

[oceanthief]

[Lapis considers this new revelation. rolls it around in her head a few times, thoughtfully, before arriving to her conclusion.]

There wasn't anything funny about that.

[SAVAGE]

[h2no]

Wow. Tough crowd!

[archie isn't bothered. he thought it was funny...]

Well, anyway. Do you know how to get rid of that sort of stuff?

[oceanthief]

[it's alright, Archie. someone will appreciate your dad jokes in this world some day.]

What, the things in the fridge? Of course I do.

[h2no]

Anti-bacterial stuff, too?

[oceanthief]

I'm going to wash it thoroughly.

[and boy does she mean thoroughly. nothing gets into cracks and crevices like finely manipulated water.]

[h2no]

Good job! We solved the mystery! Give it the bismuth!

[oceanthief]

...I'm going to use water.

[h2no]

Make sure it's warm! Give it some thawt!

[lapis just hang up]

[oceanthief]

[she's seriously considering it, but at the same time she's kind of worried for Archie's mental state.]

Did you hit your head when they Ported you in?

[h2no]

[oh god he's going to have to--]




They're puns, mate.

[oceanthief]

No, they're words you're not using right.

[h2no]

That's kind of the point! Do you not know what puns are?

[oceanthief]

Nonsense, apparently.

[h2no]

I'm letting this go for now, but not forever.

Good luck finding your friend, lass.

[oceanthief]

He's not my friend, he just lives here.

[somehow this is more important than the threat of having to slog through another conversation centered around wordplay. she'll come to regret that in the future, probably.]

[h2no]

Yeah, and the sky ain't blue. Whatever you say, Lapis.