o1 | VIDEO

[burlyboy]

[ Hello, Masks and Menaces! The guy who's looking right at you right now is, to be honest, sort of an eyesore of a man; he's huge, with absolutely enormous red sideburns, scarred, and wearing something that looks a little like a red spacesuit. At odds with the spacesuit is the fact that he has some pretty obviously medieval weapons strapped to his back (a crossbow and axe for the curious), mingling with (non-functional) robot arms that are also strapped to his back. ]

Hail and well met and all that junk, uh - not that I'm not into this whole hero thing, 'cause fuck yeah to all that, obviously, but I'm kind of in a hurry? I was in the middle of a... thing. A really, really important thing, actually.

[ The boy's got Rustic Hospitality coming out of his ears, but charisma isn't his strong suit.

Then, hurriedly, remembering his whole two manners, he rambles off - ] Oh yeah, I'm Magnus Burnsides, you can also call me The Hammer if you want, this is Steven, and he's great, - [ he holds up a perfect sphere filled with water and a goldfish who stares vacantly at the screen ] - annnnnnnnd thanks in advance for your help.

[ There! That was polite as fuck! Except then his attention snaps to the side as he sees something not even a man on a mission can ignore. ]

--holy shit, a dog.

[ And the screen goes black as the communicator is duly shoved into his pocket. It's not turned off, but nothing more interesting is said unless you're really into listening to dudes espouse about how much he loves this dog in particular. Once someone pipes up, he'll remember the communicator again. ]

Comments

video;

[catchacold]

Make sure that dog's not actually a naked pervert.

[He's just saying. And calling out

WILL GRAHAM

subtly.]

Re: video;

[burlyboy]

[ He looks deeply perplexed. ]

Technically, all dogs are naked. Except the collar but that doesn't count.

[ He has not been introduced to the majesty of Dog Clothes yet, and will be fucking delighted when he is. ]

There's also, like, a lot of ass sniffing, but that's just part of being a dog, sooooooooooo...

[shittywizard]

[ So Taako hasn't been here long, but he's definitely been here long enough to hear of how stupid this place is about continuity of timelines between people from the same world. So when he sees Magnus's null suit, he immediately says, out loud, before turning the feed on: "Are you fucking k i d d i n g me" and contemplates not letting the big idiot know he's here at all.

He spends five minutes staunchly ignoring his comm except to shoot it annoyed side glances before giving in and picking it up. ]

You know, you never get to give me shit about not rushing into things ever again if you're gonna show up this late.

[burlyboy]

Taako!

[ Even if Taako looks deeply unimpressed with him - which, par for the course - Magnus looks pretty delighted to see him. He'd been worried about being sent here alone, and he's pretty damn sure that he wouldn't be able to find his way back on his own. Which they have to, because like he said, he was in the middle of something pretty dang important. ]

There you are! What, what'd I miss?

permatext

[deadtective]

You voided the warranty by petting the dog. Sorry, you're stuck here forever now.

permavideo

[burlyboy]

[ Magnus looks down at the communicator for a moment - he hasn't figured out the text function - and then, upon realizing that someone else is talking to him through text, decides that he ain't typing right now. ]

Okay, at least I know that much isn't true. Who are you?

video;

[helpline]

Nice spacesuit.

[ because that's really what matters in this whole thing: complements. ]

[burlyboy]

Thank you!

What's a spacesuit?

[ sorry bro he's medieval as shit ]

text...

[snarkbot]

...Are those robot arms?

IM SORRY SKEETS

[burlyboy]

They sure are!

[ He's still on video. And looks pretty chuffed, honestly. He's very fond of his trophies. ]

[shittywizard]

Yeah, so, that guy I was telling you about? With the dismemberment fetish?

That's him.

voice;

[tacticianing]

You're still broadcasting.

[This has been a PSA.]

[burlyboy]

Oh. Good point.

I should've kept this thing out so all of you could've seen the dog too. In my defense, I needed both of my hands free.

video;

[maevelous]

Is 'The Hammer' a name you gave yourself? It sounds a bit like a man trying to compensate for something.

video;

[burlyboy]

I'm pretty sure that train of thought says more about you than it does me, lady. And no, I didn't give it to myself.

Still a pretty cool nickname, though.

VIDEO

[am_i_a_monster]

Hello. Hi to Stephen and the dog too. Sorry about your important thing. I take it you're new. What did you do to get the nickname hammer?

[burlyboy]

Steven says hi back.

[ Because that's the important part of this whole thing. ]

Yes, I'm new, annnnnnd... [ Wow, people generally don't take this much of an interest in his nickname. They just laugh it off. ] I hit a guy with a hammer. He started it, just for the record.

video

[h2no]

[SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE THERE IS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT HERE.]

A dog?! Did you find the dog park? It's amazing! There's so many dogs all the time!

video

[burlyboy]

[ WHAT MAJESTIC FACIAL HAIR

WHAT APPROPRIATE VOLUME OF VOICE

WHAT WONDERFUL PRIORITIES

HELLO NEW BEST FRIEND ]

There's a whole park full of dogs here?!

video

[aggressiveapathy]

Don't put the dog in the fish bowl. It never works.

video

[burlyboy]

You've actually tried that?

[darwinatrix]

[The woman on the other end of the feed doesn't have any visible ice powers, but her gaze seems to cool the room a few degrees.] Interesting nickname.

How'd you get it?

[burlyboy]

Hit a guy with a hammer, like, really hard.

[ Actual answer: was the ringleader of a rebellion who also hit people with a hammer, like, really hard. ]

[ Video ]

[ghoulking]

[ Magnus Burnsides.... who has enormous sideburns........ gosh, he loves it. ]

A lot of us were doing something important, before being taken. There isn't no way out besides waiting for the Porter to get bored of us, however.

[ Video ]

[burlyboy]

[ he lives up to his brand ]

...does boring it actually work? Because I can do that, I'm pretty sure.

video;

[picksthenames]

[ There's a lot about this to unpack. But first: ] How does your fish breathe? Or eat?

video;

[burlyboy]

Steven doesn't need to breathe! He's got all the water he needs already!

[ Fish don't breathe oxygen, Cisco, duh. ]

He also doesn't need to eat, 'cause he's a magic fish. He feeds off adventure. And love.

video;

[heliophilic]

Why would you want to leave when we have so many dogs for you to pet?

video;

[burlyboy]

While that is a very good point, and I'd usually agree with you, I was actually haggling to save some ghosts' lives from the grim reaper, so I need to get back. I don't think they'd be thrilled with me if I kept them waiting on account of needing to pet more dogs.