text; idk hi

[rekt]

[ exhibit A of why teenagers shouldn't be allowed to stash booze and live without supervision. here's john murphy, professional underaged human garbage. ]

heropians, super freaks, import nation, whatever the hell we're supposed to be calling ourselves. importkru? im not even drunk enough for that.

i need an advice column. i have dilemmas.

1 - what do u do when ur teen orgy roommates keep a man sized devil bird as a pet and ur pretty sure its gonna try 2 eat ur eyeballs some night? its name is henrietta, which makes it sounds like it should b wearing a frilly dress + a sun hat idk but its hideous

2 - what abt when the guy ur getting free money from needs a revenge boot up his ass but u need more popsicles?

3 - was ne1 else a lot more badass in nightmare soviet america than currently?

4 - whats the perfect gift that says 'thx 4 the free housing but ur virgin experimenting is awkward 2 b around'?


ps, hahaha i love the problems i have here, god bless america

Comments

[rekt]

w/e it was rhetorical, i kno u r, ur not subtle

were u boning b4 2?

was it like a freaky supernatural sex dreaming thing?

[admemoriam]

dude
wtf
no
not even a little

ghosts can't have sex

[rekt]

yea well ghosts couldnt exist 2 seconds ago 4 me so

just covering bases

[admemoriam]

yeah well time to read up murphs

and speaking of bases
we haven't gotten there yet
so stop spreading stuff on the network

[rekt]

[ there's a long moment in which murphy stares at this text from the living room floor, before there's some scrambling sounds, the clinking of a bottle, and john murphy leaning his face into noah's closet bedroom. ]

Seriously? All that wailing and you two didn't even get Peg A into Slot B? Do you guys need instructions? Should I get the hand puppets?

[admemoriam]

[Noah sits up from his blankets, hair floofing all which-a-way, and stage-whispers back to him.]

Shh. He's very shy about it. He's a virgin.

[rekt]

Still?

[ this was, in fact, one of the funnier things murphy realizes while ronan was mind melding with him. he'd assumed, through all the hickeys and groaning, he'd finally gotten some. apparently its his catholicism cockblocking rather than his lack of game. ]

[admemoriam]

[Okay, Noah isn't totally thrilled about the lack of sex, but he respects Ronan enough that it doesn't bother him. He makes a face.]

It's important to him. I'm not gonna push.

[rekt]

Good, you shouldn't.

[ there's a twinge of something in the back of murphy's brain when he says that, a dark room covered in furs and iron, the jangle of a chain, and murphy's voice saying "no". but it's another thought immediate replaced with something else - the swan bed, ronan's dumb hair, the kitchen in the meadows. mental white noise. ]

Just surprised he's held out that long. That's either iron will or he's only going through half the puberty most other teenage guys do.

[admemoriam]

[The memory slips through Noah's awareness for just a heartbeat, but he blinks it away before he sees too much. He's trying to be better about that.]

It's not like he can't do anything.

[rekt]

Yeah, apparently, from what I've been hearing through the walls.

[ idly he makes mental bets with himself on how long ronan's libido will hold out against his religious convictions. that one he doesn't make any attempt to cover up. he's settling on about a week. ]

[admemoriam]

Like you'd be any quieter.

[He narrows his eyes at that bet, and tries not to think about how slightly arousing the thought is.]

[rekt]

I spent puberty in prison. I've gotten really good at quietly doing things I'm not supposed to.

[ like screwing around with the other teenagers in space child prison. he supposes some of the guards probably had pity on them, but murphy wasn't one of those who got caught much. ]

[admemoriam]

And I spent it in private school, so same here.

[Not that anyone at Aglionby really cared if the rich populace liked to take party drugs and bring home local girls. There were a lot of blind eyes.]

[rekt]

Then you should know how to come quietly, shouldn't you?

[admemoriam]

I never said I couldn't. I just don't, 'cause it's been eight years since I've had sex, and 'cause my boyfriend could use the encouragement.