text; idk hi

[rekt]

[ exhibit A of why teenagers shouldn't be allowed to stash booze and live without supervision. here's john murphy, professional underaged human garbage. ]

heropians, super freaks, import nation, whatever the hell we're supposed to be calling ourselves. importkru? im not even drunk enough for that.

i need an advice column. i have dilemmas.

1 - what do u do when ur teen orgy roommates keep a man sized devil bird as a pet and ur pretty sure its gonna try 2 eat ur eyeballs some night? its name is henrietta, which makes it sounds like it should b wearing a frilly dress + a sun hat idk but its hideous

2 - what abt when the guy ur getting free money from needs a revenge boot up his ass but u need more popsicles?

3 - was ne1 else a lot more badass in nightmare soviet america than currently?

4 - whats the perfect gift that says 'thx 4 the free housing but ur virgin experimenting is awkward 2 b around'?


ps, hahaha i love the problems i have here, god bless america

Comments

[incogneto]

A brilliant observation. I made it myself at one of my grandson's birthday parties.

[rekt]

holy shit u have grandkids

[incogneto]

Yes, I do. That happens sometimes when you get old.

[rekt]

u dont rly have the grandpa vibe
more like the old lonely hermit guy who 4got how 2 socialize

[incogneto]

All that and you've only met me once.

[ AND he paid for your hospital visit. Ingrate millenials! ]

[rekt]

i have a v keen sense 4 character