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[couldbebeautiful]

[The feed opens onto a view of a kitchen in De Chima, and—a Roomba. The Roomba that's come with this particular household, in fact, whirring cheerfully away. It doesn't actually seem to be cleaning, however: in fact, it's just soaking up the sunlight by the window, like a cat.

This is already weird enough by itself, but clearly the person shooting this video has other plans. The camera turns, to reveal Veronica Sawyer.]

So I noticed this little—what was it called, a Roomba? It's started following me around lately, which is really weird but kinda cute. [She smiles a little.] I just came home and saw it like this.

[She turns the camera around again, to focus on said Roomba. It is now making an odd whirring noise that could easily be construed as a mechanical version of a purr. Then she turns the video back on herself.]

Anyone feel like helping me name a semi-sentient vacuum cleaner that thinks it's a cat? Personally I'm leaning towards Fluffy, but I'm open to suggestions.

Comments

[Video]

[pale_blue_arrow]

That's a Roomba, yeah. My mom used to have one until it broke down. I called it Zita after the patron saint of cleaning - not that 'm Catholic, just from a Catholic city.

Still, it zooms around. Zee might work. [He shrugs, lightly.] Or you could go all dramatic and name it after a movie character. Serial killer or superhero or something. Always a classic, there.

[Video]

[couldbebeautiful]

I'm putting that down right now.

[And so she does, scribbling the name down in her diary. It's leagues better than Fluffy, in any case.]

We don't have Roombas back home. We have vacuum cleaners, but they're not small and round and they don't start acting like cats, usually. [She huffs out a breath, thinking. Then:] What about Gizmo?

[Video]

[pale_blue_arrow]

Vacuum cleaners still exist back home, but Roombas are handier and people are lazy. [He shrugs lightly; he never got the love of cute things some people had, but hey, there's far worst things to like.]

Hmm. Gizmo's more of a guy's name. Are we thinking the Roomba's a boy or a girl? Call me racist but they all look the same to me.

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[picksthenames]

[ Someone needs help naming something? How could Cisco not respond? ]

Never named a roomba before. Even one that doesn't act like a roomba should.

[ And for once, he's coming up short. All roomba-related names ate just plain terrible, and any cat-centric names don't really apply. Time to resort to acronyms. ]

How about PIRR? Pet Imitating Robotic Roomba.

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[couldbebeautiful]

Oh? What do they usually act like?

[Roombas don't even exist in her time, as far as she knows, her currently nameless Roomba-cat is how Roombas usually work.]

If we're going with acronyms, what about CAT? Clean-Anything Thing? [The Roomba makes a whirring noise again, out of frame. Veronica glances away, shakes her head and snorts out a little laugh.] Or Clean Anything Tomorrow, it isn't even doing anything.

video;

[picksthenames]

They're usually more... [ He gestures, trying to find the right word. ] ...industrious.

CAT's a little on-the-nose, but hey, it's your pet roomba.

Video

[reexamined]

How about "in the trash"?

[Sorry did you want him to be happy about this.]

Video

[couldbebeautiful]

Okay, I'll just put you down for Kay-three, then. [Veronica, you little shit.]

[reexamined]

No.

[ Aghast, appalled, horrified. ]

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[h2no]

Roosie! Roomberta! Dustin... Dustbin!

[archie is still pleased he got a chance to name the pool cleaner at the high school, even if everyone thinks "relicanth" is a weird name.

look, it's old, okay.]

Basil?

video

[couldbebeautiful]

What's Basil doing on that list?

Re: video

[h2no]

...I like the name.

[video]

[glassfall]

I think Fluffy is a great name.

[Funny name to begin with, though. Why call it a Roomba?]

What's a vacuum cleaner, anyway?

[Sorry, Ronnie, she's been too busy researching how to make drinks for her new job. Also interviewing potential bartenders. Phew.]

[video]

[couldbebeautiful]

Oh, uh—

[The Roomba whirs again. It's maybe the closest approximation to an actual purr that it can make, and it gets a little smile out of Veronica.]

They're sort of like brooms? Only they suck up the dirt into a bag attached to them instead of you needing to sweep it into a duster. At least that's how they worked back home. [She turns the video back onto the Roomba, which is vibrating happily in the sunlight.] I have no idea how Roombas usually work, apparently, this is an anomaly.

[video]

[glassfall]

[A brief, shocked pause. Then:]

I think I'm going to like it here, after all.

[A chuckle. She hates cleaning.]

Just out of curiosity, where can I find one of these things?

video;

[fayzedandconfused]

Fluffy's pretty cliche, isn't it?

video;

[couldbebeautiful]

Yeah, but it's also ironic. [Veronica Sawyer: a hipster before the hipster was even a thing.] I don't think I'm going to name it Fluffy now, I just threw it out there so I could get the ball rolling on names.

Why, have you got any?

text; username dh4z3

[nastygram]

FINALLY someone is using the internet correctly

ok you have the obvious Mr. Roboto, LAME.

REAL SUGGESTIONS:
killbot
galaxina
t-800

protip: if anyone suggests Rosie or Robot or Roomba, i suggest you tell them to go and fuck themselves with their own lack of imagination

text

[couldbebeautiful]

and here I thought there was no wrong way to use the Internet, silly me.

I'm not going to call it Killbot, I'm on thin enough ice with my roommate. but I'm partial to T-800.

somebody already beat you to Rosie.

[dirtyredneck]

Anklebiter.

[couldbebeautiful]

[Veronica turns the video back on the Roomba. It is now moving away from the sunlight and bumping against a table leg. Clearly, it's trying to get up on the table.]

That's a better and more accurate name than Fluffy ever was.

video;

[lempereur]

Try Hygieia, after the Greek goddess.

video;

[couldbebeautiful]

[Veronica's a pretentious enough person without naming her Roomba after a Greek goddess, man, come on.]

That'll be a mouthful to yell. [But she's putting it down anyway.] I can't say I've heard of her, though.

video

[khajidont]

Now, if you're going for Fluffy, you're going to have to redecorate him a little so he lives up to his namesake. Maybe you could cover him in feathers.

[ A beat. ]

And you can never go wrong with some glitter.

[ Trust him, Veronica. He is an Artiste. ]

video

[couldbebeautiful]

I just threw that out to get the ball rolling on names, I'm starting to lean away from it now.

[But, hm. She grins a little at the thought that pops into her head.] What if I hid a pen under the feathers? A little ankle-stabbing won't hurt that much, and it'd be hilarious.