THE MAJORITY REPORT: JULY 20TH, 2017

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JULY 20TH, 2017ImPort versus imPort! Instances of death and violence have been reported, to the great mourning of some fans. De Chima welcomes a new Ambassador.

ANGEL OF REPOSE
As seen in Major News Websites: Human Interests Stories; imPort Speculation Boards:
As previously reported, on Mother's Day this year, a combined total of $2000 was donated to the Women's Shelters of the four imPort Cities. Last month, the donation came again. This month, it's been confirmed that a third donation of $500 to each of the Major Shelter networks in each of the four cities. This, combined with the return of another six children across the last two months, has cemented the idea that The Angel is here to stay and we couldn't be happier for it!

In related news, reports of Angel sightings have increased since the middle of last month. They've become more and more consistent in description and it's difficult to say if that's because The Angel has actually been seen or if people are merely jumping on the bandwagon in an attempt to claim a little fame for themselves. Previous 'sightings' have largely been dismissed, as descriptions from those he's helped have never been consistent beyond him being a man, sometimes flying them out of danger, and protecting them. However, more people are coming forward as witnesses to the aftermath of an Angel rescue. Many saying they've seen a person with colorful wings made of blue and orange light, but otherwise dressed in black, flying near or away from areas that are later reported to have been investigated by the Police after an Angel folder was left with a now-rescued victim.

Could the The Angel be officially joining the lines of costumed crime-fighters? We wouldn't be upset by that in the least!

THE JOY FUCK CLUB
As seen on local television channels and BlueTube via cellphone footage:
More imPort related mayhem this week as pop idol and Sumerian love goddess Inanna decided to take their beefs off the Network and into the pit. Their rash rampage of retribution tore thought Miami, Heropa, and even into downtown Nonah until it was brought to a bloody end by frequent gal pal Persephone.

With duplicates of several high profile imPorts allegedly causing their own brand of mischief, rumors have swirled as to what triggered the attack, or even if the attacker was indeed Inanna.

Representatives of Persephone declined to offer a statement, and she has not appeared publicly or on social media since the incident.

Failed DJ, Woden, who claims to know the goddess from his own world, was less reticent. "You know, even the best of us can snap. They came asking about things back home, so... I guess I'm not exactly the worst of us anymore. What a good feeling," the reporter noted, however, that immediately after, the god was caught trying to install a spy camera nearby.

OLD MAN AND THE SCREE
As heard online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs. Debate in related comment sections is somewhat fiercer this month, due to clone and imPort chaos, and some sites are no longer willing to share Dooku’s critical words:
This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths features the Count speaking solo without any guest stars for once, as he holds forth on recent events.

Dooku begins by congratulating new Ambassador Sam Merlotte on his election victory in De Chima. He also deplores the recent violence in the Porter cities while wishing for peace. Yet the Count soon turns to the offensive, claiming that a “vast and ruthless conspiracy” is clearly behind the chaos and is seeking to frame imPorts for pointless crimes. He condemns the anti-imPort protesters who attacked the July Swearing-In, and demands to know why local police failed to protect the event. He also questions why the government has been ineffective at providing security for its own citizens without imPort support. “This hatred and fear against us cannot be tolerated,” he intones in his deep voice. “ImPorts defend and heal the people of this nation, despite being abducted, spied upon, and targeted. We deserve far better.”

Dooku closes this episode as he always does, by encouraging concerned listeners to take action on these issues by speaking to their elected imPort Ambassadors. Yet this month, he also invites listeners to attend a SWEAR-OUT rally at next month’s Swearing-In ceremony, especially calling for imPorts and metahumans to add their support to the demonstration he is organizing. The Swear-Out will encourage new imPorts to be Unsettled just as the Swear-In calls for them to Register, and will offer a platform for all kinds of peaceful dissent. Free food and entertainment will be provided for all attendees. “If you have any grievances with the current state of affairs, come and voice them freely and without fear,” he says. “Together, our voices will be heard, and we will help create the change that is so deeply needed.”

A FAREWELL TO ALMS
As seen in local Nonah news:
Throughout the city of Nonah, little clay statues have been appearing in random places. They seem to take the image of the late Inanna, and each one is inscribed with the words "You feel my scars."

THE PORTRAIT OF A FARTIST AS A YOUNG MEME
As seen in De Chima tabloids, InstaSLAM, and Rumblr:
The imPort Riptide, renowned Meme King, has inspired a new trend simply by his existence. It's what kids ages 14 to 22 seem to be doing all the time now, they call it R.I.Ptiding. They're taking photographs of themselves posing like the Meme King himself -- next to gravestones. Of DEAD PEOPLE.

"It's very disturbing," said local fifty-nine year old man. "I don't like it. I don't like how things are different. Whatever happened to planking?"

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FELDGRAU to COQUELICOT.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

voice;

[pyrogue]

Okay, I know the advisory system is always weird, but anybody else notice you need a dictionary to get it now? The hell is "c-coquelicot"?

[picksthenames]

I think it's what a rooster says in French?

[pyrogue]

… Is – – is that a colour?

[airshow]

I'm not too proud to admit it: I miss the alliteration.

[pyrogue]

Are we gonna reminisce about code switches gone past now?

voice;

[drivesadesk]

Whatever it is, it's not something I'm going to try to pronounce.

But I'm guessing it's a shade of red. So I'm guessing that's bad?

[pyrogue]

The hotter the color, the worse it is, yeah. Things ain't so great right now.

voice;

[glowsferatu]

Personally, I miss Goddess Green.

[ Kanaya, that's just because it was probably for you. ]

[pyrogue]

It's got some nice alliteration. Green ain't my color, but considering warmer colours mean shit is bad, I'll take it.

[Text]

[sleight_of_hand]

It's a shade of red.
I thought that was kinda obvious from the color.

text

[pyrogue]

Yeah, but they could've just said red. Though I dunno if they've used a single normal color name since I got here.

text;

[dirtyredneck]

What the hell is planking?

text;

[snarkbot]

Planking was a type of game where someone would lay facedown with their arms at their side, usually in unusual or possibly even dangerous places.

[voice]

[hellrisen02]

[Robot friend, please. Anything but graveyards.]

[Wearily;] Define "posing like". Didn't know there was a signature pose.

Re: [voice]

[knaval]

It's whatever your spark believes is true at that moment. Most of them seem to be dabbing!

[voice]

[hellrisen02]

That's a pretty loose standard for a meme but, eh, I'll accept it.

Long as they're not disrespecting the graves.

Voice

[dun_moch]

A terrible shame about Inanna. They are one of our most talented entertainers and brightest representatives. I wonder if they, too, have been targeted by an imposter...

Voice

[exceptionalthief]

Is it usual, that a death would be marked by a distribution of little statuettes?

[Being in Nonah, he's seen more of them around than he cares to, with their slightly disconcerting message.]

This is Hans Gruber, by the way. We communicated on the network recently.

Voice

[dun_moch]

Hello again, Hans. It is not usual at all. But Inanna was greatly beloved, and this may be a particular form of mourning by their fans.

I predict Inanna will return, however. We imPorts can recover even from death, in this world.

video

[knaval]

Hahaha, disturbing? Who cares as long as they're not actually breaking the graves!

[which they're not, so riptide LOVES IT]

video

[flightforfreedom]

Had no idea you were so popular, buddy. [Poe's just grinning from ear to ear.] Hope you're not planning on causing a riot.

Re: video

[knaval]

I'm not, but that would be really cool if people started a riot out of love for me!!

[has he accidentally become a cult member? riptide is actually okay with that.]

[airshow]

Wait, planking was a thing? Crap, am I too old to keep up with memes?

[chulk]

If you have to ask that's a yes.

[airshow]

I thought I was so hip and with it!