maskormenace | [video]

[As the video comes on, Major's leaning in a bit close, trying to get his comm to stand on its end, but the thing keeps sliding over at varying speeds. He sighs, eventually picking the thing up and holding it out with his arm extended.

He offers a shrug as an explanation.]

I'm - never sure if I'm supposed to like, greet people when I start one of these? Well, to be on the safe side ... hey! How are you? I'm doing all right, thanks.

Okay, now that's out of the way, I have two questions for the folks here. .. They are completely unrelated, but of sort of equal importance. [He's walking under some trees that are out-of-shot, but the sunlight pouring through the canopies are sun-dappling Major's face as he moves.]

One: I'm a millenial so I'm pretty good with technology, but - these things sort of elude me a little bit. Is there a way for me to like .. go anon on this thing? Or change my name? Or just use a different one entirely? Or do I have to use my actual name on the network?

Two: Does anyone know if there's a copy of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark lying around? Could be a VHS, for all I care, so long as there's a VCR, too. But I'm not picky; could be anything, just as long as it's watchable!

If you're still listening, thanks! And if you have answers to my questions, I owe you a drink or something!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah ... it's A Story, all right. One probably best shared over mutual self-loathing and the alcohol to support it. [He laughs a bit.] If you're into that sort of thing.

Yes! See! Yes! That's exactly what I mean! I feel like there should be a list of required viewing for folks, like .. the staples, you know? Music and movies, mostly. But we could probably include some TV in there, too. Like, Indiana Jones; Star Wars; The Fifth Element; Die Hard; Run DMC; Sir Mix A Lot ...

[ Spooky winces in sympathy. ] That bad, huh.

[ He can't say he's into the drunken self-loathing scene himself. That particular rabbit hole is a little too dangerous for someone with his kind of baggage. But Spooky's always willing to lend an ear if someone wants to vent about something shitty that happened to them.

He's also just as happy to geek out over pop culture. ]

Dude, yeah! That's an awesome start. I'd probably throw in some 1940s film noir too. Like Casablanca? Classic. [ What can he say, he's a Humphrey Bogart fan. ]

Ah, yeah. I haven't told the whole story to anyone who wasn't already involved, but it's definitely one of those long-ass ones, that could possibly bleed over into the next morning kind of thing.

[He points to the camera.] Yes, exactly! I think I could do without a couple of them? Like On Walden Pond, but .. yeah, we could definitely throw in some of those classics.

Think you'll keep at the tabloid job, then? Or are you gonna switch to something a little less karmic?

[ Spooky rubs his chin with a thoughtful expression. ] And yeah, that's fair. I just wanna give our newbies a well-rounded education, you know? Like it's my civic duty to make sure they don't completely drown under all the pop culture references going over their heads.

Probably not? I've been thinking of opening up a gym/personal training place. Something that'll actually ... you know, benefit people, instead of just .. writing about someone's underwear showing or someone Laughing With Salad.

To be fair, we have a lot of pop culture. [He laughs a bit.] I am guilty for referencing Downton Abbey far too often, and then pop culture in general. I can't help it! It's something that unites us all. Something something world peace something something getting along something something a nation united .. blahblah. You know.

Dude, that's awesome! I'll bet people would really love an imPort-owned gym. Were you into the whole personal training scene back home too?

[That last bit earns a laugh from Spooky.] Excellent point! That reminds me, though, I fell pretty far behind on Downton Abbey and never got a chance to catch up. Is it as good as people say?

Thanks! I hope so. I want to try to find machines and equipment that can accommodate the range of powers people have here. Like, crazy souped-up treadmills for people who have super speed, that kind of thing. I was totally dreaming of that whole training sequence in the Hunger Games movies. [He laughs, nodding.] Yeah, I ended up as one. I originally worked for a homeless shelter for teens for a long time, but when that gig ended for a variety of reasons, I went into the personal training business. Figured I might as well make money off of something I do regularly and enjoy, anyway.

......

Dude.

I can't .. I can't even tell you. If it were about less wealthy people, it'd be totally trashy and stupid cause it's just like .. intrigue and forbidden romance and impropriety and "I'm afraid of technology like the telephone!" and all of that, but because it's about a stupidly wealthy family and their lives, and because it's a part of Masterpiece Theatre, you can't help but feel really refined and cultured for watching it. [He laughs then shrugs his shoulders.] If we can find it here, and you wanna watch it, I AM TOTES DOWN FOR AN ABBEY SESH.

[ Spooky's face lights up at that description. ] Aw man, a place like that would be super rad! It's great when you can make a living helping out other people, huh. Really cool thing to do at the teen shelter, by the way. [ Whatever that karma story was about, Major still sounds like a really great guy. ]

Well, I've got a lot more free time on my hands since this world doesn't seem to need an occult investigator. [ With a shrug and a dashing smile, he adds: ] Sure, I'd be totally be down for a Downton Abbey buddy.

[ SEE, pop culture brings the world together. ]

[Major's face, mirroring his new friend's, also lights up.] Yeah? Okay, cool. Sometimes, I feel like I get these ideas that I think are good, but you never know until you bounce them off of other people, you know? Like, all those people who go onto Shark Tank think they've got the Next Great Idea, but some of them are just awful. Like that friggin' .. Cougar Energy drink? An energy drink for middle-aged women? It's almost as the Bic Pens For Her.

[If Major's already lit-up face was like a light bulb, it would've exploded now.] I'm gonna come back to that "occult investigator" thing in a second, but YES. THIS IS AMAZING. We can make fun of Cricket together - which my bff back home didn't appreciate, being an Englishman and all. I'm so excited, I can't even begin to tell you, holy crap. Holy crap!!

I'm Major, by the way. Now feel free to wow me with tales of the occult.

Yeah, man, talk about cringe-worthy. [ Cougar Energy drink? Yikes. And god help anyone who ever buys Amanda Charleyboy a pack of Bic Pens For Her. ] But I'll bet plenty of imPorts would love to use a privately-owned facility to stay in shape. And if you've got any doubts, you can always ask the network for feedback, right?

[ Major's enthusiasm is nothing if not infectious, though, and Spooky's beaming now. ] Hell yeah, I'll make fun of Cricket with you! Just lemme know the place and time, and I'll totally be there! [ Nothing is too sacred in Spooky's eyes. ]

And nice to meet you, Major. My name's Spooky Jones. I pretty much fought monsters and crazy magic-users for a living before the Porter brought me here. Anything in particular you wanna know about?

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[video] (sorry for the wait!!)