maskormenace | [video]

[As the video comes on, Major's leaning in a bit close, trying to get his comm to stand on its end, but the thing keeps sliding over at varying speeds. He sighs, eventually picking the thing up and holding it out with his arm extended.

He offers a shrug as an explanation.]

I'm - never sure if I'm supposed to like, greet people when I start one of these? Well, to be on the safe side ... hey! How are you? I'm doing all right, thanks.

Okay, now that's out of the way, I have two questions for the folks here. .. They are completely unrelated, but of sort of equal importance. [He's walking under some trees that are out-of-shot, but the sunlight pouring through the canopies are sun-dappling Major's face as he moves.]

One: I'm a millenial so I'm pretty good with technology, but - these things sort of elude me a little bit. Is there a way for me to like .. go anon on this thing? Or change my name? Or just use a different one entirely? Or do I have to use my actual name on the network?

Two: Does anyone know if there's a copy of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark lying around? Could be a VHS, for all I care, so long as there's a VCR, too. But I'm not picky; could be anything, just as long as it's watchable!

If you're still listening, thanks! And if you have answers to my questions, I owe you a drink or something!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sometimes, it's only in small ways - but I figure that it's better small than none at all, right? Or the opposite.

I haven't gone down to visit Cali too often, but man, every time I was there, I was always terrified I'd be caught in some major cataclysmic earthquake. Even though Seattle's on its own fault line, we only really get tremors, and like .. once every ten years or something.

[Okay, so we're going for pastries. Awesome.] Surprise me with the drink, so long as it's got caffeine in it and doesn't taste like a butt, and a chocolate croissant.

Your fear isn't irrational - it is something to be concerned about. A sudden earthquake that you mightn't be prepared for. [She gets it.] Seattle isn't a city I've been to before. Travelling across the country was something that was on my list but I never got around to it.

[Too many bad and tragic things had happened in her life. Not to mention Laurel's focus on graduating from law school.]

Chocolate croissant, huh? A wise choice. They're very good here. [Laurel smiles.]

What else can you tell me about yourself?

Seattle born-and-bred. [He gestures towards himself.] Woo, Go Seahawks! I promise, that'll be the last thing I say about football unless you really wanna torture yourself and ask me questions about it, but I have learned enough to keep most of that to myself.

[He drums his fingers on the table, considering her for a few seconds.]

I once got a peanut lodged in my nostril and couldn't get it out for like, two hours. I thought I was going to have to go to the ER, but I finally got it to shoot out like a rocket after many attempts at plugging the other nostril and blowing as hard as I could. I blew a blood vessel in my eye, too. [A pause.] That's the sort of stuff women wanna hear about, right?

[Her mouth drops open in slight surprise at what he tells her, and Laurel has to take a moment to process it. Why did he have a peanut near his nose in the first place?]

I can't speak for all women...but I wasn't expecting that kind of story. It's not one I'm gonna forget anytime soon, Major. She can't tell if he was embarrassed by it or not - if he was, he hid it pretty well.] Part of me thinks it's kind of funny and another part feels awful for thinking that.

But I guess if we're being honest I can tell you I'm a terrible cook. Not quite on the same level as getting a peanut stuck in my nostril, but I've burned a lot of things.

[He was sorta being a facetious jerk with that story, so he's a little surprised at how she's taken it. It makes him laugh.] Nah, it was a huge story in my family and my group of friends 'til ... like, it still is. One of my friends started calling me Dumbo because of elephants and their trunks and peanuts and all. I was a stupid kid, and it was a dare. One of my friends was trying to tell me that you could get the peanut up into your brain if you pushed it through your nose, and he dared me .. you know, there's no way to justify it. I was an idiot.

Well, that works - I'm a fairly decent cook. I'm a simple sorta guy when it comes to food, generally, but I can make some decent dishes. And I've learned not to shove anything up my nose except the occasional tissue or allergy spray.

What's the worst you've ever burnt something?

Simple but decent dishes are a good thing. You'll have to give me some tips to prevent me from living on micro meals for the rest of my life.

[After a while they lost their taste. Laurel was getting tired of them.]

Let's see...the worst. [There's more than one.] Pot roast. I was trying to do the family a favour by cooking for them, you know? Had all of the vegetables prepared, chopped and so on. Got the pot roast ready in the dish, seasoned and perfect. Everything was fine up until the point I put the roast into the oven. Little did I know that I put it at the wrong temperature for a lot longer time than needed. A few hours in the smoke alarm in the kitchen went off and I came into a smoke filled room - the source being the oven. When I opened the oven and pulled the dish out, all there was left was a blackened husk of a roast. Nothing to salvage.

My family ended up ordering take out that night.

[The server came back with their orders and placed it on the table in front of them.]

I can make mac and cheese though. That I have just right.

I find the best way to cook is to cook with people. Make it a social thing. Then, if one of you forgets about something, hopefully the other remembers. Also, setting timers. That's probably the biggest tool, aside from measuring devices.

[He listens intently, brows raising with a quiet laugh.] Take out is kinda amazing, though, so at least you guys had the option. Meat dishes I'm pretty good at, so I'll have to help you reclaim your cooking honor with that at some point. Slow cookers are also am-ay-zing, and one of the best ways to cook roasts, I think. .. Huh. I wonder if this world has slow cookers?

[Major offers a quiet thank you to the server before sliding his drink towards him with curiosity. He gives it a bit of a sniff since he asked the server to surprise him, though he can't quite pinpoint what it might be.] Ugh, mac and cheese! One of the best dishes out there! You know I'm gonna have to ask you to make it at some point, for totally scientific purposes. And to make sure you aren't lying.

[Laurel can't help laughing along. It was pretty funny. But she was listening to him at the same time.]

Okay. So cook with company, invest in a slow cooker and use a timer. [Counting them off her fingers as she speaks.] That's some pretty solid advice - I'll need to see if this place does have slow cookers. I haven't come across any but given the technology here it doesn't seem much of a stretch.

[Hopefully the coffee surprise will be a good one. It all came down to the taste test.]

I'd be happy to make some of my mac and cheese for you to try. In exchange for you helping me with cooking a roast. Or other various meat dishes. [A smile.] Sound fair?

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