Cassian Andor (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
candor1) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenace2017-08-27 01:17 am
candor1) wrote in maskormenace2017-08-27 01:17 am
[video - should-not-be-drinking-alone o'clock in the morning]
[ooc: just keeps this open for the duration of threads]
[The camera has been set up to point at a blank wall. As the feed turns on, there's a heavy shuffling sound; and Cassian slumps into frame, thudding his back to the wall, and sliding to sit on the floor against it. He's… more or less still in frame. He looks an absolute mess. And there's a bottle grasped in his hand.
It had been difficult. Deciding who to tell. Last life, he would have told no one who didn't need to know. But a much narrower, more coldly calculated definition of 'need'. This life... he wouldn't withdraw entirely into that cold. Which made it harder.
Jyn knows. It wouldn't work if she didn't. Cassian would have told her regardless.
Kaytoo knows. It would work better if he didn't. But Cassian told him anyway.
He wasn't going to put them through more.
Poe knows too. If he didn't, he might ask such questions that would ruin this. Even though Cassian knows he would understand being misled after the fact—even if Cassian hated doing it. He also has a feeling Poe could lie if he needed to.
Veronica he goes back and forth on. Somewhere between Poe (could lie, would roll with it after) and Kay (worth the hurt and betrayal...?) He lets himself form the justification that the household would have gotten the live version and not need to continue on comms. And tells her too. Very different from last life.
He wants badly to tell Cosima, Lando, Han, Luke, how does he have even that many friends, and more… I'm sorry. Whoever it was might need the additional convincing of his interactions with friends. I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Amazing to reckon how long he'd managed to be here and this was his first return to lies.
He would have told Bodhi…
Cassian's searched, they've all searched; all over, including tailing Hux until he found out where the man lived and breaking in and searching all his belongings for any shred of evidence to back up his claim of having had something to do with it.[w. permission] There'd been nothing. The man lived so impersonally Cassian was inclined to suspect he had a real personal space elsewhere… though perhaps not. Cassian himself had lived as impersonal and light, usually out of a single duffle even when he'd had stable quarters.
Whatever. Cassian had rearranged all the books and turned every article of clothing inside out before folding it and putting it back exactly where he'd found it. The place looked perfect, just as it had when he'd first entered, but nothing would be where it was supposed to be. It was petty and could make things worse but it was that or yield to all their desires to kidnap and torture the man, so go with petty.
Anyway. There was nothing he could do for Bodhi in this moment. Only wait and hope.
But that stunk to kriffing hell. So in the meantime, tackle a problem he might be able to touch. Especially on the remote chance they could be related.
Apparently (impeccably) drunk, sloshing the bottle's contents onto himself just for good measure, Cassian tugged his free hand through his worse-than-usual hair and slurringly moaned into the camera.]
She kriffing left. Our friend's gone and she… She left me and says it's too much and she can't cope with both and I should know why and I don't. Says I said things… don't karking remember. Wouldn't I know better what I said than she…? I never would've… ruskakk-loving… Any of you remember me saying…? S'all bantha… one of us's gone felek and I don't know…
Tell me the truth—
[He leveled the bottle accusingly at the viewscreen, splashing again.]
Did I ever say… skragging… snogwash… what was it… "I got…" something… "…got what I wanted so I'm done"…? Does that even sound like me? But she… said… after hearing in my voice… she tried but… can't go back from… she… And he's… Això no passa…
[His mumbling devolved into a sob. He drew up one knee to wrap an arm around it and bury his face in that arm.
And I'll stay here sniffling until you bite you mimicking blasterpfassked sithspawn..]
[The camera has been set up to point at a blank wall. As the feed turns on, there's a heavy shuffling sound; and Cassian slumps into frame, thudding his back to the wall, and sliding to sit on the floor against it. He's… more or less still in frame. He looks an absolute mess. And there's a bottle grasped in his hand.
It had been difficult. Deciding who to tell. Last life, he would have told no one who didn't need to know. But a much narrower, more coldly calculated definition of 'need'. This life... he wouldn't withdraw entirely into that cold. Which made it harder.
Jyn knows. It wouldn't work if she didn't. Cassian would have told her regardless.
Kaytoo knows. It would work better if he didn't. But Cassian told him anyway.
He wasn't going to put them through more.
Poe knows too. If he didn't, he might ask such questions that would ruin this. Even though Cassian knows he would understand being misled after the fact—even if Cassian hated doing it. He also has a feeling Poe could lie if he needed to.
Veronica he goes back and forth on. Somewhere between Poe (could lie, would roll with it after) and Kay (worth the hurt and betrayal...?) He lets himself form the justification that the household would have gotten the live version and not need to continue on comms. And tells her too. Very different from last life.
He wants badly to tell Cosima, Lando, Han, Luke, how does he have even that many friends, and more… I'm sorry. Whoever it was might need the additional convincing of his interactions with friends. I'm sorry I'm sorry.
Amazing to reckon how long he'd managed to be here and this was his first return to lies.
He would have told Bodhi…
Cassian's searched, they've all searched; all over, including tailing Hux until he found out where the man lived and breaking in and searching all his belongings for any shred of evidence to back up his claim of having had something to do with it.[w. permission] There'd been nothing. The man lived so impersonally Cassian was inclined to suspect he had a real personal space elsewhere… though perhaps not. Cassian himself had lived as impersonal and light, usually out of a single duffle even when he'd had stable quarters.
Whatever. Cassian had rearranged all the books and turned every article of clothing inside out before folding it and putting it back exactly where he'd found it. The place looked perfect, just as it had when he'd first entered, but nothing would be where it was supposed to be. It was petty and could make things worse but it was that or yield to all their desires to kidnap and torture the man, so go with petty.
Anyway. There was nothing he could do for Bodhi in this moment. Only wait and hope.
But that stunk to kriffing hell. So in the meantime, tackle a problem he might be able to touch. Especially on the remote chance they could be related.
Apparently (impeccably) drunk, sloshing the bottle's contents onto himself just for good measure, Cassian tugged his free hand through his worse-than-usual hair and slurringly moaned into the camera.]
She kriffing left. Our friend's gone and she… She left me and says it's too much and she can't cope with both and I should know why and I don't. Says I said things… don't karking remember. Wouldn't I know better what I said than she…? I never would've… ruskakk-loving… Any of you remember me saying…? S'all bantha… one of us's gone felek and I don't know…
Tell me the truth—
[He leveled the bottle accusingly at the viewscreen, splashing again.]
Did I ever say… skragging… snogwash… what was it… "I got…" something… "…got what I wanted so I'm done"…? Does that even sound like me? But she… said… after hearing in my voice… she tried but… can't go back from… she… And he's… Això no passa…
[His mumbling devolved into a sob. He drew up one knee to wrap an arm around it and bury his face in that arm.
And I'll stay here sniffling until you bite you mimicking blasterpfassked sithspawn..]