maskormenace | 💣 011

[These days, when Alfie gets on the network to make a post - not just a comment, but a full post - it's generally because he's at least a little bit drunk. Today is no exception. He's also even more grumbly and mumbly than usual, and that combined with his thick accent means he's also probably even harder to understand than normal, so apologies for that, world.]

Twelve months I've been here, now; that's edging toward outlier status, isn't it? Mm, yeah. I've seen people come, I've seen people go, I've made a call to invite someone over for dinner during the holidays only to find out they've fucking vanished into thin air overnight.

[Pour one out for Dr. Eldarov. He grunts, irritably, and then abruptly changes the subject.]

Right - but I've decided to quit my job. Yeah, that's gonna be my gift to myself for my one-year anniversary, and for the new year; my people's new year. And as such, I'll be taking bets on how long it'll be before they notice.

[Because of course he's not just going to call up and let them know he's leaving. He's made a hobby out of being irritating at work, so why stop now?]

It was a weekly thing, my radio show, so I'll take guesses at one week, two weeks, three, and so on. Winner, I'll buy a drink; whatever you like. Unless you're a kid or something, I dunno; then I'll buy you a lolly. I'd suggest getting your bets in before Sir Robot makes headway on his surely-doomed plan to destroy the porter and fucks everything up for a bit. Shanah fucking Tovah.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

First one, mostly. Other reasons are it's free, we like the outdoors, and we don't have to be some burden on a friend.

Are you camping?

[Ew, gross.]

Yes? Is that not what "living in the woods" sort of implies?

You could have had a little cottage or cabin.

How much social mobility do you think homeless kids have, dude?

In a world that likes to throw money at us just for existing?

Do you really think I'd take that money? I'd rather beg. Or like, go to my job.

Not all of it's offered by the government.

[Granted, Alfie doesn't take even the non-governmental deal either.]

Maybe I don't like taking what's offered on a bogus premise. People should do good shit because it's right, not because they get crap for doing it.

Ah - a truly moral man.

[He doesn't sound sarcastic here.]

I don't know about that. I'm just me.

It doesn't all have to be so complicated. I'm a little antihero'd out.

So you're done with the labels, then? Is that it?

I'm a dead teenager, is that really surprising?

You got any use for them?

That depends on what the label is. I've got some I'll stick by proudly. But hero and villain, the way they're used here - no, fuck no. It's ridiculous.

Yeah, it is.

Which ones do you stick by proudly?

I'm British. I'm Jewish. I'm a Solomons. An Earthling too, but that only makes a difference here.

What's it mean to be a Solomons?

It means I've got family, a history, and no small amount of power that was hard fought for and sorely won.

I wouldn't have expected you to be a family man. But it makes sense. What do the Solomons stand for?

Oh, plenty of things. The family business is one.

What's the family business?

You really wanna know?

Let's just say I won't be as shocked as you think by what you're gonna say next, probably.

[he's not descended from the Norse god of wisdom or whatever, but he can put some stuff together]

Oh, shocked, no; I expect not. We dabble in all sorts of things, but it's mostly bookmaking and bookkeeping at the racetrack. That's the kind of job that many men look down on.

[Especially if they happen to know Alfie does it illegally.]

I'm not many men. [...] For the bookie crap, anyway. I'm not sure I'm that into horse racing. Or any-animal racing.

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