video. the hottest newest vlog

[shadowglitter]

What's up? This is Odin. Odin Dark! Haha. Today I learned about "vlogs", so I decided I'm going to start hosting a series of my own on the network. It's going to be great! I'll talk about EVERYTHING. I'll talk about the latest trends in fashion, and about how they're all wrong, because we live in a stupid society where people have yet to understand that mesh bodysuits free up your spiritual chakra and cause your emotional and magical energy to flow through your fleshy prison bodies unencumbered by human shame. I'll talk about sports! We have those, right? I don't watch sport, so I dunno yet. Food reviews! Book reviews! Every kind of review you can think of. Maybe I'll even delve into a little bit of sexy, sexy gossip about some hot, hot imPorts? I GUESS WE WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT THE CARRIER PIGEON BRINGS US. Carrier raven.

Well, anyway. Today I thought I'd cook you all some breakfast! If you want to be on my show in the future, let me know, and I'll interview you about your life or whatever. Otherwise, like, comment and subscribe for more!

[ And then Odin cooks you all some breakfast. that fire? that comes from his hands. he's using magic. what is control over destructive elemental magic for, if not for this.

content warning terrible food that is (hopefully not actually) eaten, content warning loud audio content warning screaming content warning really gross coughing content warning bad video bad post bad bad bad bad bad ]

Comments

video;

[lempereur]

There are people starving all over the world. What is wrong with you?

Re: video;

[shadowglitter]

Oh. Uh. I don't know. Sorry. Was that disrespectful? I-I didn't mean it to be. I was just trying to be, um. Funny? Well, no. That's not true. I thought it would work, at first, but then it-- but then it didn't, so I just, you know. Ran? With it? Sort of. To be funny.

I could make something for the hungry, too! Well, no. I couldn't. The inferno I would need to summon in order to successfully poach the amount of eggs I would need to successfully poach in order to feed the poor and the starving of the world would be all-encompassing and apocalyptic. The city would burn. My house would, at least.

video

[poreiavian]

Negative One out of Five Stars. Burn it better next time.

Re: video

[shadowglitter]

I'll burn you better next time, nerd! Nice face! Haha. Burn. Got you so bad.

No, but really, that's good advice. I'll take it on board. Do you have any ideas on what I could cook next? Like. What kind of food do you like? I'll totally ruin it for you.

video

[h2no]

...Are you still alive?

Re: video

[shadowglitter]

Pfft. Odin Dark will never die. Eternal and everlasting like a phoenix rising from the ashes, baby! But, like. A dark one. [ he coughs. it's just to cover how shittily he ended that sentence, at first, but it catches, and then he's coughing over and over again. THERE WAS SO MUCH SMOKE, ARCHIE ]

Re: video

[fehus]

I got it, I got it.

[who is the Lord and who is the Retainer???????????]

video;

[reek]

I would love to unsee what I've just seen.

Re: video;

[shadowglitter]

Whaaaat? Why?! I worked really hard on that!! Ugh. So this is what a troll is. I've been warned about people like you. If you think I, Odin Dark, am incapable of felling evil like you with naught but a devastating quip brewed in the unholy cauldron that hosts my Mind's Thoughts, you've clearly misunderstood your enemy.

[ghoulking]

[ oh my god ]

Please don't do that to your food.

[shadowglitter]

[ why is everyone so concerned about this? what he did was just very very cool and he would like recognition for that. ]

Have you ever even tried Egg Roasted Under The Reverse-Cascading Flames Of Hell, AKA Sunny-side Sun Fried Egg, AKA The Odin Special MK XIV? If not, you don't have the right to criticize! It was super duper good.

[restingstitchface]

[Ah. Oh well, that egg looked very nice... for all of three seconds.]

... Might I suggest posting warning signs on your trash bins?

[shadowglitter]

Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. I had to throw away the frying pan after I ate the egg, but there are, like, raccoons who will be drawn to the cool smell of my sweet lunch and try to get into my garbage, right? So you're warning me to put a sign up telling them to leave me alone. I gotcha. That's a smart move.

Can raccoons even read, though?

voice;

[thirdprogenitor]

Do you make anything with blood in it?

Re: voice;

[shadowglitter]

Woah, what a spooky voice. What a spooky voice that is! "Do you make anything with blood in it", asks the spooky, disembodied voice? Haha. So creepy. I love it.

Um, no. I could, though! That sounds like it would be a fun episode. I don't really know where to get my hands on some, like, fresh blood or whatever, but I'll find some for you and give you your very own special dedicated video if you want!

video

[am_i_a_monster]

That is not the way the way to cook breakfast. Watch.

[Abigail cracks an egg into a pan, by tossing it in the air and having it land on a spatula - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrugPmXtYV8

She then fries it.]

See? Sunny side up, fried on one side with opaque whites and a runny yolk. Not burned.

Re: video

[shadowglitter]

[ Okay, well, the end result here is totally stupid, because opaque whites and runny yolks are for cowards who are too afraid to eat charcoal to be funny on the internet. But Odin is LOSING HIS SHIT AT THE SPATULA TRICK. ]

H-How-- how! How did you do that?! I wanna do that! Teach me how to do that!

[video]

[14words]

[literally all you get is a sigh and this.]

Odin.

Re: [video]

[shadowglitter]

[ it's his buddy!! odin highfives the camera. ]

Pucci! Did you like my video?

voice

[siriusly]

Uh-- hello?

Are...you okay?

Re: voice

[shadowglitter]

[ Uaah, Odin's still not used to hearing voices without video. He looks around the room like an idiot as if trying to find the ghost that snuck through his window before he realizes it's coming from his communicator. ]

Oh. Haha. Yeah! What? Of course I am! Why would you think I wasn't anything less than completely, serenly perfect? It's like you didn't even watch what cool amazing thing I just did.

[ret2go]

Ohhhh... is that what it's for? I just thought you liked the look.

[shadowglitter]

Yup! [ nope! ] That's what it's for! [ he just likes the look. ]

I trust you're on the same side as me when it comes to opinions regarding fashion, right? Everyone wears so much! I don't know how they do it. Don't they get hot? AREN'T THEIR CHAKRAS SUFFOCATING THEM?

[video]

[carbonfrozen]

...you have no idea what you're going to talk about, do you.

[Han looks and sounds amused, the little shit, considering that he's apparently been hard at work painting his obnoxiously yellow taxi an even more obnoxious orange.]

Kriff, kid, you're bad at this.

Re: [video]

[shadowglitter]

Of course I do! I'm going to talk about everything. Hopes. Dreams. The past. The future. The Twelve Dark Gods That Dwell Within My Aching Spellhand (Sometimes Thirteen When On A Good Day). Me being the actual proper thirteenth dark god that doesn't dwell within my spellhand, as I have ascended this mortal body. Things like that.

Kriff, kid. [ did he imitate that right? he sure hoped he did. ]

video; i'm sorry

[pyrogue]

[ Mick knows he shouldn't be so transfixed but... it's the best thing he's seen on the network for months. ]

Do it again.

video; I LOVE IT

[shadowglitter]

Hahahahahhhh! I knew it. I knew I'd get fans!! Yesss. Another victory for the great Odin Dark, snatched from the voracious and ever-present jaws of crippling mediocrity! Okay, okay, hold on.

[ so Odin runs with his communicator outside to his backyard, tripping and falling and grazing his knee at least twice in his excitement to get out there. he sets his communicator down on a lawn chair and runs back inside, gets another egg, and lines it all up on the ground.

and then he just torches it. straight up. there's a brief moment of beautiful serenity when small golden spell circles form around his hands, but they're swept away once the intense screaming starts and he shoots all these fireballs from his fingertips at that dumb stupid egg until it's all black and messed up again. the fire isn't very isolated so it catches pretty quick and starts to get out of control, but odin just throws more eggs at it. just keeps throwing eggs into a big ol' backyard fire. ]

video.

[songwrite]

There's no way mesh bodysuits wouldn't snag on everything.

Re: video.

[shadowglitter]

No! Ugh. They're freeing and beautiful and majestic. They're like a second skin, only instead of being a second skin, they're itchy and uncomfortable. You clearly haven't tried one before. [ he does a twirl. the back of his mesh suit is clearly snagged on his cape, but he neither notices nor cares. ]

video

[knaval]

Is this going to be weekly? Because I want another one right now.

Re: video

[shadowglitter]

Well, I was thinking daily, but my stupid conscience thinks that daily posts to the network that consist of lighting things on fire or talking smack about people's clothes might be a horrible thing to inflict on the public. So.

I'm thinking weekly? Weekly sounds good. Maybe monthly. Maybe daily? Well. I already have plans for the next one. I'd give you a sneak peak, but if I DID, you probably wouldn't subscribe for more, and then I wouldn't get any attention, and then there's no point to any of this.

Text; UN: D33

[d33tached]

What in the world are you doing?

[shadowglitter]

[ Would it be polite to swap over to text? Haha, probably! ODIN JUST YELLS A LOT INSTEAD ]

SOMETHING REALLY COOL AND FASCINATING. I made an egg. And now I'm gonna... plan out my next episode. Well, not my next episode. My next episode I'm gonna make everyone come up with werewolf names and stuff. But my next next episode, I dunno what I'll do. Maybe cook something again? Fire is such an easy way to get attention, but I don't want to overuse it.

But... I do... because I like fire.

video

[fehus]

[predictable clapping, and laughing]

I'll heal your smoke damage when you're done fielding Vlog fans. That fireball was awesome.

Re: video

[fehus]

Constructive criticism? You need a sign-off catchphrase.