video; spooky halloween psa

[restingstitchface]

[Crane's staring into the camera with an intensity that doesn't dwell well under his skin. Though the clean suit he wears does a good job of hiding it well, nothing can conceal the irritation he feels under it. He clasps his hands together under the table then rests them imperiously on his desk.]

Why do you celebrate Halloween?

I'm just curious.

[He kicks back against his chair and plonks his feet on the wood. Whatever he was irritated by - rather, what he was disregarding - seems to have taken on better shape. He feels it draped over his face, coarse but warm and intimately familiar. It takes most of his energy to play a weak smile for the gallery.]

Don't worry about tainted candy, by the way. Razer bladed taffy apples? Lye-coated bubblegum? Cyanide-laced Pixy Stixs? They're just legends. Informal whisperings of unsubstantiated reports of contaminated sweets picked up in the course of trick-or-treating. Now, for clarification; I don't intend to claim poisonings never happen. A father laced his own son's candy with cyanide in order to reap the benefits of his life insurance, yes, but it certainly isn't a problem. As a matter of fact, the absence of personal stories highlights that clearly.

[He scratches under his chin.]

Here, of course, the bogeyman isn't even cyanide or toxic chocolate - though Hershey's deserves labelling as poison, honestly - but collective fear of a different sort.

[That's a topic he isn't acknowledging right now. He has every intention of discussing it with the class, but carries on.]

Has anyone here been poisoned by Halloween candy? I doubt it. And if you're scared of the possibility? Well, take it from an expert, October 31st is the most extraordinary day of the year you can be terrified of. You'll never experience another one like it till the next cycles round. So dare yourselves and do something special - be bold, knock on some doors when the day arrives. Eat some candy and-

[He tips his chin.]

Enjoy yourselves.

Comments

[deadtective]

I'm not gonna pat myself on the ass just because I'm not walking around with my eyes fucking shut. That's a liiittle self-important even for me.

[restingstitchface]

You're kidding!

[deadtective]

Maybe. Or maybe I'm just getting a head start on April Fools. Who knows?

[restingstitchface]

Julian?

[deadtective]

Close. Celtic, not Roman.

[restingstitchface]

Alas, I suppose he'd understand nothing, then.

[deadtective]

Mmm, I dunno about that. It depends on whether he went Irish or British.

[restingstitchface]

Really? The holiday's a little bit connected in both. It doesn't affect him too much. Other than theme, I suppose.

[deadtective]

I meant more about what the Romans were able to handle, honestly. Something about those blue fucks really freak them out, man.

[restingstitchface]

Well there's some Romans here. Or were. You can ask them why that's so.

[deadtective]

I'd rather just carve some turnip lanterns and see if they piss their pants, honestly.

[restingstitchface]

Turnips. The poor man's candy. I suppose they'd do what you described if that's all they could feast on.

[deadtective]

Can you imagine being so fucked you couldn't even get your hands on a goddamn beet? I'd think about crying, too.

[restingstitchface]

I'd think about killing myself, honestly.

[deadtective]

Not much of an option here though, is it? You'd be better off with self-mutilation.

[restingstitchface]

Oh, oh right, and that's not really my style.

How problematic.

[deadtective]

I mean, if you're that dedicated to the theming you could just keep doing it, but that'd be a pain in the ass after a while.

[restingstitchface]

Absolutely. Questioning people and helping them to understand why they do it is more my style.

[deadtective]

I guess you can always wiretap the suicide hotline for the rest of the month, then.

[restingstitchface]

What makes you think I haven't?

[deadtective]

Because you're still asking why people celebrate Halloween.

[restingstitchface]

Very good. There's hope for you yet.

[deadtective]

I see you haven't been paying all that much attention.

[restingstitchface]

Obviously. That would be why I'm texting.

[deadtective]

That excuse doesn't really work when we can all see the timestamps, man.