video: the most magical place on earth

[fuckalligators]

Alright, listen up, I've got two things to say.

[Here's Hermes, holding the phone a little too close to her face, helpfully holding up two fingers.]

First: if anyone sees a shitty, sketchy priest running around, especially if he's lurking around Cape Canaveral, tell me so I can beat the shit out of him. Actually, tell me if any sort of weird shit starts happening around there, I probably want to know about it. Don't fucking approach him or fall for his bullshit, just tell me where he went and I'll take it from there. [she ticks down her pointer finger instead of her middle finger, to really emphasize this point.] Also I don't want to hear some lecture about not beating the shit out of priests, just take my word for it, this one deserves it.

Second: what the fuck is Disney World doing in bumblefuck Alabama in this universe? What sort of shitty version of Florida doesn't even have Disney?

Oh, and third-- I lied, I have three things-- yo, Jolyne. [She pauses, weighs what she wants to say with the possibility that the priest was here, and ultimately decides not to give him the satisfaction. Instead, she just says] Kid? Hell, any of you guys, you here yet or what?

Comments

[video]

[14words]

[before he even fucking turns his communicator on to answer he has to do some prime counting and quell his annoyance. talk about the porter sending him a trial- fine, it wasn't jolyne or, potentially worse, weather but this was very up there on his list of 'Problems.'

fine, this was certainly a test he'd have to face head on. of course. communicator on time, have pucci's usual neutral, vaguely pleasant look.]

... Hermes Costello, if I'm not mistaken? One of the prisoners in the woman's ward. I don't believe we've ever met, personally.

[he wasn't lying!! at least!!]

[fuckalligators]

[the response is immediate, and more importantly, extremely loud.]

YO, HERMES! I FOUND THAT ASSHOLE YOU WERE LOOKING FOR, LET ME JUST SEND YOU A MAP OF WHERE HE IS OR SOME SORT OF USEFUL INFORMATION AND GET OUT OF YOUR WAY SO YOU CAN DO YOUR THING.

Listen up, everyone, that's an example of what I'm talking about. Just do that for me every time this dude speaks and we'll be good to go in no time.

[Voice]

[hellrisen02]

Uh

...You from Earth?

[Let's get the important qualifying factors out of the way.]

[fuckalligators]

What? Yeah, I'm from Earth. I'm from the good Florida, the one with Disney World.

video

[h2no]

I know him. He's alright, but he asked to see my [poké]balls. It was weird.

[is he taking the piss because he doesn't think pucci is a threat, despite knowing about the disc thing? yeah. he's stupid.]

i'm sorry i have to threadjack

[14words]

[have pucci just staring at the screen judgmentally at you for a moment.]

Archie, I believe you're deliberately misleading people with your very pointed word choice.

[fuckalligators]

Yeah, sounds like the sort of thing he'd do. Like I said, shady motherfucker all around. You should kick him in the balls next time.

text; username: warlock

[secondscythe]

a shitty sketchy priest, huh?
what'd he do?

[ hoo boy is he LAUGHING at this. ]

text; username: her name because she doesn't give a shit

[fuckalligators]

a lotta shit

tell u more if u no where he is!!!

text/private

[hellrisen02]

Not mine, I'm good

Text; UN: D33

[d33tached]

Might you think to be a little more specific about which priest in particular you are attempting to warn us of?

[He is up to his elbows in shitty, sketchy priests, Hermes.]

[fuckalligators]

damn if id known there were so many shitty priests doing sketchy shit around here id drawn a fuckin picture

his eyebrows look like a star is that specific enough

videoooooo

[shadowglitter]

You mean Pucci, right? He gave me makeup the other day. Made my lips and my eyes all gold and radical. And he's gonna stay at my house 'cause of a murderer that's around in my city. And he's got a friend that looks like yogurt who said creepy things to me but it turns out that was no big deal? [ whitesnake sure is weird, man ]

Are you, um. [ odin's eyes narrow, trying to figure out what kind of relationship hermes might have to him from her appearance alone. ] Are you his girlfriend? Is that why you're mad? Because of a private romance thing?

[fuckalligators]

Yeah, Pucci. Back the fuck up from that stupid shit, what were you saying about yogurt? What the fuck was that, tell me more about that!

[Like normally she'd take the time to vomit first, but she needs to hear about the yogurt friend instead.]

video

[damasks]

[Sigh. People from the future do so many swears. Like, people from her time did a lot of swears too, but they sort of felt bad about it sometimes.]

Aren't there priests everywhere? I don't know how to tell one from the other. [this one's glam rock lucy]

[fuckalligators]

Yeah, I already heard from another one. I get it already, I gotta be more specific. Like I told some other guy, this one's growing his eyebrows into a star. Don't fuck around with that one, just tell me where he is and get out of the way.

text

[tropism]

How come he deserves it? What did he do?

[fuckalligators]

man sure are a lotta u nosy guys not takin my word for it

hes trying to take over the world or some shit and he killed like 40 people in the past 5 days, hows that

permatext

[deadtective]

Wow, atheists are getting pretty militant these days.

[fuckalligators]

yea man u got me this is all a plot to stop shitty priests from murdering people and fucking up the whole world im the worst

[ Video ]

[ghoulking]

You can use the communicator to to find other people from your world. There is an imPort list.

[ AND ] Most people will tell you about not beating up anyone, regardless if they are priests or not.

[fuckalligators]

Thanks for that, that imPort list thing was actually fucking helpful.

Anything I said up there give you the impression that I'm gonna listen to most people?

private text because hes a paranoid fucker

[jojoceanman]

[ he really doesn't want to jump at any conclusions, even though "jolyne" isn't a very common name. if only she said the last name as well...hm... ]

There are a few people here with the name Jolyne in this world. Could you be more specific?

[ because lying surely gets you everywhere. ]

[fuckalligators]

[Meanwhile, on Hermes' end, a familiar name pops up (assuming he didn't change it) and she breathes a sigh of relief. Cool, so that's two of them.]

yo doc glad u made it

she here then? something fucking weird is going on with the priest, either of u figure this shit out yet?

video

[am_i_a_monster]

What did he do to deserve it?

[fuckalligators]

Man, why are all of you guys so bad at taking my word for it? How often does someone show up yelling about beating the shit out of a guy who doesn't deserve it, huh?