VIDEO --> AUDIO

[nihilisticnarration]

[ At first, imPorts are greeted to a nice, long look at the Narrator’s face. He is, by all means, the most non-descript imPort here: he is a bland looking white man wearing black rimmed glasses, and a brown tweed suit, with a square jaw and pronounced cheekbones. There is little unattractive about him, but little attractive about him either. He looks, curiously, like a stock photo of a British man, like a professor or a doctor in one, irrelevant scene in a movie, or in Hollywood, a Leading Man.

As soon as he realizes the video function is on, he switches to voice, and what comes out of him is a deep, urbane British accent, with the air about him that he’s laughing at some private joke that nobody else could possibly get.

Perhaps he’s laughing at you. ]

Well. This is a different sort of game I have found myself in, isn’t it? It’s shabby and poorly constructed in a few areas, but this, this story is workable. Less philosophical, but all that means is that I have my work cut out for me. I must admit, I wasn’t altogether pleased when I found myself here, but improvisation isn’t a lost art, not so long as I have something to say about it. Hmmm.

[ There’s a rustling of paper. ]

What it lacks in cohesiveness, a true beginning and end, it makes up for with its cast. You’re quite an interesting bunch, aren’t you? An ensemble cast, if you will. I must do some catching up, but I already see plenty of colour. Prodigious use of capslock - always a sign of an unstable mind, if you ask me - advertising for psychiatric help, which will never work on the truly deranged, unnecessary chatter about holidays meant only to provide some framework to the dull morass of days that makes up one life, and -- ass eating? Oh, my. That's going to up our ratings.

I'll make the best of it regardless. We're going to have an awful lot of fun together, you and I.

Comments

[Video]

[generalgrievous]

You are making it all sound very trivial.

[There's a very distinctly non-human face and figure on the screen.]

permavoice

[nihilisticnarration]

Oh, no, not at all! Heavens, no! I would hate for you to get that impression. I assure you, I'm taking this very seriously. Why else would I have investigated you all?

[Video forever]

[generalgrievous]

And what else have your investigations uncovered?

voice;

[slightlyoffchilt]

An ensemble cast. You're not William Walker's British cousin, are you?

[nihilisticnarration]

Oh! Are we playing a game? Let me play! Are you the American version of Hans Eysenck?

[slightlyoffchilt]

You really went for the most loaded one, didn't you?

[voice]

[14words]

What is it you'll make, exactly? I've heard some find the imPorts interesting enough for... cartoons.

[tio mando or whatever was still too funny]

[nihilisticnarration]

Oh, I quite agree with them! It's been so, so very long since I've encountered such an interesting assortment of people. The sheer agency of it all is quite intoxicating.

But I think you'll find that we're already in a story.

Video ID: Sparrow

[bestpirate]

Eh? I'm 'fraid I ain't signed up for any of this, mate.

[So says the very confused pirate staring into the video. Those wide brown eyes narrow in suspicion. It seems this creep here is an odd one.]

Arse...eating? Yuck?! Donkeys don't taste particularly good, mister.

permavoice!

[nihilisticnarration]

Whether or not any of us are here willingly is quite immaterial. That is very rarely how life works.

And ass-eating is also known as the art of anilingus. Which is to say, oral contact with an anus for sexual pleasure. Not my cuppa, I'm sure, and I don't forsee it having any place in what I intend to create.

1/??

[bestpirate]

[Wot?]

2/3

[bestpirate]

[...WHY IN POSEIDON'S TRIDENT ARE PEOPLE EATING ARSE?! WHAT IN THE FU--]

3/3

[bestpirate]

...That was a bit of over sharing, mate. This conversation has crossed so many lines and territories that I feel somewhat violated and halfway to Singapore.

[Voice]

[hellrisen02]

Aw hell.

[This sure is a whole lot of rambling, crazy-sounding self-awareness. There's a beat, and then an unsurely-asked question...]

...You being chased by a house?

[(I swear he means a different house.)]

[nihilisticnarration]

What an interesting idea! No, I can't say that I am. Are you?

[hellrisen02]

I hope to God I'm not, pal.

And for the record, I'm not wearing leather pants, either!!

[This made sense in another universe, I promise.]

Video;

[wizzardly]

...The advertisement was really more for the only mild to moderately deranged, actually.

Like the sorts of people who might make vaguely threatening statements concerning "ratings" and "fun". For example.

permavoice

[nihilisticnarration]

You've gotten entirely the wrong idea! Any interpretation of fun as threatening has much more to do with you than with me.

[wizzardly]

Sorry, I'm generally only told "we're going to have fun together" by smiling Grand Viziers before they have the guards drag me off to the dungeons or the scorpion pits or the sacrificial temple.

video

[knaval]

Hey, nice god complex.

[he's getting flashbacks to swerve's story about tyrest, only without the religion and the holes being drilled into heads.

...riptide really hopes this guy doesn't have a killswitch. he'd like to avoid that again.]

Do you lose power if we don't believe in you? 'Cause I don't.

permavoice

[nihilisticnarration]

And what power would that be, exactly? Enlighten me.

Re: permavoice

[knaval]

I don't know, but I can already tell the by-product of it is you bein' a whiny little bitch.

audio

[am_i_a_monster]

There are much bigger signs of unstable minds here than using capslock.

[nihilisticnarration]

Oh, good. And would I be correct to think that you'll elucidate the matter?

[am_i_a_monster]

Does it need explanation?

If you don't get sent back, I'm sue you'll see something crazier than a capital letter.