002 • text + some video

[cigarbribery]

[It's a nice autumn day, right, folks? Time to jump into a pile of leaves, have a pumpkin spice latte, pick out costumes for the spookiest time of year, and, apparently, egg someone's house.

That's Maurtia Falls #008 on your screens right now, folks. It's seen better days, clearly, judging from the overabundance of eggs decorating it right now. Behind the camera, someone exhales a long, tired sigh. Then it switches to text:]

I was expecting this to happen on Halloween, not three weeks earlier. I know we're all antsy for Halloween, but could we please save the eggs for when we actually have candy to hand out?

Also, who thought it would be a good idea to decorate the place with eggs, anyway?

[This is absolutely Theon's fault.]

Comments

text;

[reek]

[ ....Okay, yeah, it's his fault. He should learn not to critique art when he doesn't understand it. ]

A fool.

[cigarbribery]

Specifically? I need to talk to them.

[Yes, really. In calm, mild, pleasant tones. He honestly expected to get egged at some point, just—not right now.]

Text; UN: D33

[d33tached]

Is that egg?

[Unbeknownst to D33, he was very nearly a victim of this same fate. Good thing he'd left Theon to take on Premium Douche Status while he (mostly) kept his mouth shut.

[Also, yes. He can read his mun apparently cannot, but that doesn't make this any less confusing.]

Why ever would someone throw eggs at someone else's house?

[cigarbribery]

Lots of reasons! The most common for this season is "they didn't give us candy", but it's a little early in the month for that. We don't even have candy yet.

[For a guy whose house just got egged, Foggy's remarkably chill about this. Maybe it's because, hey, it could be so much worse.]

anonymous

[poreiavian]

The eggs were not directed toward you. Please do not take great offense.

-Egger #2

[cigarbribery]

Maybe not, but it affects me and the other two people living here anyway, so I think I've got the right to be a little bit offended on our behalf.

You couldn't have just talked?

anonymous

[shadowglitter]

I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY
I CAST A SPELL, AND PRAY TO TWELVE GREAT DIVINES IN THE HEAVENS ABOVE THAT IT WILL SUCCEED BEYOND EVEN THE GREATEST SORCERER'S GREATEST SPELL'S GREATEST SUCCESS:
APOLOGETIC CASCADE

That's a cascade of apologies. Because I have so many of them and they're all falling down around us like rain! Or like eggs. Eggs on your house. Fuck!
I'm sorry.

~ THE GREAT, THE DARK, EGGER #1

[cigarbribery]

It's fine!

Well, it's not fine, I'm going to lose a weekend trying to clean my house up and I'm angry about that. But still.

Listen, if you really are sorry, just tell me who you are so we can talk about this, and maybe help me out with cleaning the place. A cascade of apologies isn't going to cut it here.

anonymous and oops tagged the wrong comment

[poreiavian]

DON'T RAT US OUT GODDAMMIT HE'LL GET US ARRESTED!!!

(this is egger #2 btw)

[text]

[14words]

[he literally cannot sigh more after seeing who is clearly anonymous egger 1. foggy your poor life]

and here i thought these pranks had a date. mischief night, isn't it? i can't remember now.

do you need help with the clean up? i'd be happy to lend my services. i'm sure whoever did this will think long and hard about these choices and perhaps spend some time at church in repentance.

[that wasn't pointed....]

[text]

[cigarbribery]

Halloween.

Please help with the clean-up. Less so with the people who did this, I'm trying to talk them around right now.

TEXT.

[accelerate]

You could say they did an eggcellent job.

[ before you ask, yes, that's the only reason why he replied. ]

[cigarbribery]

Just for that pun, I'm going to make you help me clean up this mess.

text;

[lightinside]

Yeesh. Sorry you had to deal with something like that.

Has someone got it out for you?

text;

[cigarbribery]

Close, but no dice. They had it out for my roommate, I just got caught up in the crossfire.

text;

[baetiful]

Perhaps you could consider this a sign of good fortune. Since your fortune was clearly so poor now, it can only get better from here, can it not?

text;

[cigarbribery]

You say that now, but my fortune tends to find a way to dig deeper.

Anyway, I just want to get all this egg cleaned up before it starts to smell.

[storyseeker]

Were they at least fresh eggs?

[cigarbribery]

They're going to stink up the place in a while anyway, unless I can clean them off quick. And between you and me, I am really not looking forward to the clean-up. I didn't even want to be a part of this mess.

[perfectible]

[ after some of the convos she's had with some people here, she doesn't know if he knows this but--]

Throwing eggs at people's houses is considered a prank in some places.

[cigarbribery]

And New York's one of those places. I'm just glad they didn't also TP the place.

Wait, no, I'm also still angry they egged my house to target one roommate. Don't they know there's other people living here too?

[wouldificould]

This must be one of those things I "missed out on" growing up in apartments.

[cigarbribery]

You didn't miss out on much, trust me. At least they didn't throw anything through the window.

But now this place is going to start smelling really funky.

text;

[notyourfathersosborn]

[Normie stares at the name. Then he stares some more. Finally:]

Never underestimate other people's maturity. Or in this case, lack thereof.

Has anyone offered to help clean it yet?

text;

[cigarbribery]

[Foggy, meanwhile, is blissfully unaware of Normie's internal crisis. There's other things to worry about, after all.]

That'll teach me to believe in the best of humanity, right?

There's a line of people wanting to help if you want to join in. Plus the vandals came out of the woodwork, so at least the day's not a complete wash.

text

[am_i_a_monster]

That's such a waste of food.

You don't think it was the vandals again, do you?

text

[cigarbribery]

Somebody went around egging places before I got here? Because if so, then no, it's just two kids with a grudge against my roommate.