statement 1, voice

[statementends]

[this is the voice of a man who sounds like he's very frustrated and trying to not sound too frustrated. and failing.]

I'll cut to the chase, is there anyone here familiar with learning to control these... abilities. More so for people who never had such nonsense in their lives.

With how utterly ridiculous it I'm half assuming there's a pamphlet or something of the like.

[if anyone is interested in (Import)Ant Gossip there are three articles written by the same guy whose name is attached to this post, jonathan sims.]



Latest news! Blue Oak's still at it, Adachi's Bad Hair Day and concern for Mr. Mick Rory!

People are being sent to space, for a reality television show no less, but I am told we must cover the more "important" things rather than how horrifying lavish and useless that project is. No, we must focus on barely verified "eye witness" accounts.

I will at least try to spare you from the truly absurd ones.

So let's begin this ridiculous and wasteful endeavor with a Mr. Blue Oak. Most of the reports - and I use the term 'report' generously - claim the man is, and I quote, "a pigheaded jerk." To be fair that's one of the terms most fit for print, at least. When pressed for details I could find a long line of claims against the man, ranging from overt rudeness to those he interacts with to noise complaints about a strange music that he drags around with him.

Several of these reports end with Mr. Oak calling that he would 'smell them later,' which if true is reminiscent of a schoolyard bully. Having not met the admittedly strange seeming man myself I'll reserve judgment, though I will say I do not envy his roommates in any way.

Next on our list is Mr. Tohru Adachi, who I frankly don't know where to begin with. All the information I've been handed for this piece is varied from the state of his hair to the state of his love life, neither of which I care even remotely to address. Since I would rather swallow broken glass than learn anything about this man's love life more than I've already read, let's stick to his hair.

[insert candid gossip pic of adachi with a killer bedhead here]

I'm not sure what I even need to say here. Clearly the man doesn't own a comb and apparently that is newsworthy to some.

Lastly, and I would say the most bizarre of these reports, is Mr. Mick Rory. He comes with a blessedly short report that has nothing to do with romance, thank whatever Lord this place believes in.

Mr. Rory was allegedly seen stopped on the sidewalk, staring intently at a television display. Not overtly strange, of course, if what was on the screen wasn't just a loop of a lit fireplace. More so Mr. Rory was said by multiple witnesses to have spent nearly forty minutes in a daze, watching this loop.

Again, I fail to see why the general public would care but perhaps his circle of friends should consider getting him some sort of help for... whatever it is that ails him. Best of luck, Mr. Rory.

Comments

[dreadinquisitor]

I'd say first would be determining the sort of 'ability' in question, and then if there's anyone else with similar and if they have any tips.

Otherwise, I imagine it's all fairly general and not specifically helpful.

[statementends]

A fair point. I imagine learning how to fly is different from learning how not to burn the world around you.

Retrocognition, that's my 'ability.' I got into some sort of trance and narrate a past event from the view of someone experiencing it. [a sigh] Rather irritating and embarrassing when you're in public, I'm sure that much is obvious.

[ voice ]

[ghoulking]

There is no pamphlet. Some imPorts with similar powers might help you, but each power is personal and in the end, you've to be the one to learn how to use and control it.

[ voice ]

[statementends]

So I feared... what an absolute headache. I don't even know where to start, our world doesn't have 'powers.'

Well, not ones that are well documented or accepted by the public at large.

audio :

[deosil]

[ Chise can sympathise with being none too thrilled at having powers. ]

I'm a student without a teacher so pretty useless, but I might be able to help. What sort of power?

audio :

[statementends]

Retrocognition, I go into some sort of trance and narrate past events. I haven't been able to control it well, other than being able to trigger it if I try hard enough.

And yes, that would be difficult, depending on what you are a student of. Is there no teacher here suitable to replace yours?

video

[knaval]

I love gossip columns! Write something about me!!!

[with no introduction or indication as to whomst the fuck he is.]

video

[statementends]

[literally just. the face in his icon.

he's talking to a robot. jesus.]

I am not-

Ugh, fine. May as well get another blurb down. What's your name?

video;

[pyrogue]

Oh my god. It's not that weird.

video; I'm sorry

[picksthenames]

It's a little weird.

video;

[statementends]

Oh, are you Mr. Rory?

My apologies for the column but I am afraid yes, it's quite strange.

[exceptionalthief]

Inflict you with something that has the potential to be embarrassing as hell, did they?

[statementends]

I narrate past events from the point of view of one of the people experiencing the event. I stood in the middle of the park and narrated a seven year old girl's excitement for teaching her dog how to fetch properly.

So yes. Embarrassing.

text

[brobecue]

Regarding powers, the advice I keep stumbling upon seems to boil down to "practice".
Which I understand, on a theoretical level, but if your powers are anything like mine, it'll be... more complicated than that.
Also, um, your gossip column,




What.

text

[statementends]

What makes your powers complicated? If I may ask.



I didn't think they would be unprofessional enough to actually post the damn thing! I wrote it up to get my 'boss,' and I use that term as loosely as possible, off my back, hoping she would waste time sending it back again and again for editing and instead she tells me it's funny.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

[Video]

[halloflamer]

[Look.............. out of everything written here, Blue only has one problem with it:]


Who the Furret are you?

[Video]

[statementends]

... what on Earth is a furret?

I'm Jonathan Sims, head- ugh. Content creator for a dreadful rag.

[Video]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ Oh hi, it's the guy who's hair you just made fun of. Well, sort of. ]

H-hey, my love life isn't that bad!

[ Adachi, you've made bad life choices with a buff boy vampire twice, while pining for a Russian figure skater. It is so that bad. ]

And I do own a comb!

[Video]

[statementends]

Mr. Adachi is it? Frankly I would love to believe even half of what I read about your love life wasn't true.

[jon be nice.]

Then you should really consider using it.

[jon]

video;

[baetiful]

There is a training facility in Nonah. It's geared toward helping imPorts work out their powers from my understanding. I've never gone, but I do know it was built to be indestructible. Though if your powers aren't quite so volatile, my suggestion is to work through them within your own room or a quiet area. Often it simply takes concentration.

video;

[statementends]

They aren't dangerous, thankfully, simply... disruptive, to put it simply. I can hardly get high concentration activities done if I keep going into bloody trances.

I would rather take care of this myself so might as well give it the old college try, I suppose. Thank you for the information.

[airshow]

Oh, come on, all kinds of people watch those dumb fireplace videos when it gets cold out!

[statementends]

For forty minutes? On the street?

[audio]

[corkscrewed]

Jon!

[ martin is trying SO HARD to sound scandalized here. instead, he just sounds - really goddamn amused. ]

I didn't know you had that sort of thing in you.

[audio]

[statementends]

Oh don't you start. I didn't think they'd actually print the damn thing, it's clearly unprofessional and antagonistic. She told me it was funny.

[so offended at being called funny.] We've died and gone to hell, Martin. I don't know what you did to get here but I assume Elias's constant harping about being 'too prickly' did me in.

[Video]

[versusseeker]

[Video. Angry Protagonist. Big frown.]

Don't call him that.

[Video]

[statementends]

[jon cannot appreciate this momentous occasion and just raises an eyebrow]

You'll need to be more specific, I have about three people upset over... media coverage.