video;

[belegurth]

Alright, so how do you sweep someone off their feet here?

[There has been someone in his thoughts lately and he misses a particular Elf. At least, he misses tormenting Thranduil and he's bored.]

There is someone here from my world and he doesn't like me but I want to show him how much he means to me. The problem is every time he sees me he likes to throw stuff at me and tell me to stop lighting fires or freezing things.

[He can't believe Thranduil doesn't like fires. Who doesn't like fires?]

I need help showing him how I really feel. He likes shiny things and being boring so I have to sweep him off his feet in a way that's dramatic and exciting. I think he has it in him to appreciate what I have to offer.

So what do you say, everyone? Help me sweep my favorite Elf off of his feet!

Comments

[pummelgranite]

Step one, wait until he is barefoot and picking flowers
Step two, throw him over your shoulder and haul him off screaming and crying to your eternally dark and shitty cave kingdom
Step three, cursed fruit
Step four, true love
If he's not in true love yet, you need more cursed fruit

hope this helps, please like and subscribe

[belegurth]

Alright, good start. But say I don't have a dark and shitty kingdom or cursed fruit- can I substitute my room with the shades drawn and some stuff I found in the fridge?

[pummelgranite]

if you cant curse your own fruit store bought is fine
they call them "wine coolers" now

[pummelgranite]

you should come practice on me i can give you constructive criticism

[belegurth]

That's a good idea! I haven't had to seduce someone in a millennium or so. I'm a bit out of practice.

[pummelgranite]

Yeah? That's the sort of thing you oughta refresh every century at least, imo.
When's a good time for you?
I can get barefoot and head out somewhere remote and vulnerable.

[ Persephone isn't quite sure if this is Actually Happening, but also has never once backed down from a bad idea in her entire life. Probably in all her lives, tbh. ]

Video

[bindsthedead]

Get a broom. [Sabriel's tone is deadpan.]

Video

[belegurth]

Why? I'm not cleaning anything up.

Video

[bindsthedead]

To sweep the ground in front of him, of course. [She's doing a good job of keeping her voice sincere as she starts spinning total nonsense.]

Re: Video

[belegurth]

Is that a custom where you come from?

You could give me back my jewels and I could shower him with those.

[youresovein]

My, what a familiar predicament. But what kind of shiny things? Specificity is so important when it comes to these things.

[belegurth]

[Melkor pulled part of his robe down to show three brilliantly shining jewels hanging from a necklace. The Silmarils have a light like nothing in the mortal realm, they are holy jewels even Melkor can barely touch.]

Elves love jewels like these. These are his favorite, of course.

[youresovein]

[ Vampires are easily drawn toward shiny objects (or at least this vampire is), and those are SUPERNATURALLY shiny. 👀 ]

Those specifically, those dazzling things you have there? Well, it's no wonder — and accordingly, I'm assuming that those are, as they say, "off limits."

[Video]

[prophesiedone]

Why don't you give up on him and focus on me? [Help him not lose his mind? Or lose it more? Either way...]

[Video]

[belegurth]

I can do that. [Sorry Thran, you've been ditched.] Where should I meet you?

[Video]

[prophesiedone]

I can come and pick you up. [Cars are fun like that.] It has been a hell of a week.

[Video]

[belegurth]

Sounds good. We'll have fun!

[Anakin is always lots of fun and never disappoints.]

[vanto]

Okay but you can just pick him up. You're tall and strong.

[belegurth]

I could! I bet he's just waiting to be literally swept off of his feet.

[vanto]

I mean it was fun when you did it.

[belegurth]

He seemed to have fun when we played the strip poker game so there is promise.

Text

[notayoungman]

He sounds reasonable. Try keeping your distance for a while.

[ His one and only meeting with the man who was to be his roommate is something he won't be forgetting any time soon. ]

[belegurth]

That's just boring. And he's irresistible, I just want to bask in his glow.

Literally. He glows.

[notayoungman]

Respecting his boundaries will make you more attractive to him.

[belegurth]

Or I could give him something shiny. Elves love shiny things and shiny things are less boring.