maskormenace | THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2018

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2018General atmosphere has chilled down, as the bubbling discontent against imPorts takes a backseat to the illustrious lunar activities and bright political ambitions of imPorts. Yes, it's the -- wait for it! -- official inauguration of the imPort moon colony! What a spectacular thing! Already imPorts are stirring new fandoms and potential intellectual properties with this great leap for humankind. And the native population of Maurtia Falls celebrates their new ambassador Padme Amidala as a bold and fresh imPort voice. Thank goodness they have her, too, just in time for some bizarre flora incidents.

SIM-BOLISM
As seen in tech blogs and cutting edge news media:
Earlier this week, tech giant StarkTech announced that with every new piece of educational technology, they would now also be including a new line of "Fidget Simmers" with every product. The tag line is "learn to simmer down with new techniques you can learn every day!"

A StarkTech spokesperson was quoted saying: "Here at StarkTech, we thought the idea of the Fidget Spinner was useful, but that we could do it better. Instead of just giving a child something mindless to do with their hands, the new Fidget Simmers allow children to also use what we call 'residual brain power' to engage parts of the mind that normally don't receive active stimulation."

Later, they explained that while this is helpful to keep children "simmered down", it also engages their minds, and will lead to children learning even more, and becoming more mindful, as they grow older.

GAPES IN TOYLAND
As seen virally online and in interest pieces of local papers:
Delighted children and overworked retail workers in three different toy stores across Heroa, De Chima and Nonah have alleged that the products have come to life.

According to one eyewitness, "the whole store just... came to life! A teddy bear tried crawling up my leg, my son was cornered by toy soldiers. I've never seen anything like it!"

Despite accounts, store footage during the time only shows brief moments of the alleged incidents, as something about the occurrences appears to block out the cameras. One employee of Play, Eat, Love claimed she saw toy pterodactyls covering the cameras.

While store owners complain that the mess caused by the chaos may take "[expletive redacted] days to clean up!", as the incidents appear otherwise harmless they are not being investigated at this time.

SINGING STARS
As seen on Bwitter, BlueTube, Buzzfad, and TMI:
This year seems to be off to a promising start when Hajime Shino, voice of Rebecca Galaxy's 'Alex', hosted a public performance earlier this week. However, fans of the voice actor and singer found themselves befuddled when Shino froze onstage before his first song.

But all was not lost! A friend of Shino's ran out to belt out the words beside him, and the two performed an impromptu duet onstage, ending their performance with a heartwarming hug. #Aww... Maybe we should add 'being a better friend' to our resolutions?

Following the performance, Shino tweeted his apologies and identified said friend as the new imPort arrival Freyja Wion. Sources say Wion, like Shino, can heal others through song! Could we maybe see the two perform together in future events?

Follow below the cut to see the two teens in action!

DOWN FOR THE COUNT
As heard in online, on all the best podcast-supporting websites, and discussed in metahuman-related conspiracy blogs:
This month’s episode of Count Dooku’s political podcast Counting Truths is the first of the New Year, and features the Count speaking solo for once on the topic of imPort militarization. Holding forth in his deep, elegant voice, Dooku observes that imPorts have always had an uncomfortably close relationship to the government’s armed forces, as it is the military which controls the Porters, manages imPort files, and injects the nanites. While the Count admits that the military has never coerced imPorts into missions, he emphasizes that they have been asked to fight for their hosts time and again both at home and overseas, and risk being dragged into the politics of a world that is not their own.

“ImPorts are not tools of the government, nor anyone else,” Dooku pronounces in stirring tones at the end of the episode. “We dwell in dangerous times, and we should always be prepared to fight. But please, let us all be certain that we only fight for what we believe in, whatever that may be.”

Native listeners of Counting Truths can be seen expressing confusion in the comments, as they are unaware of any reason why Dooku would suddenly have imPorts and the military on his mind. Some fans even note that the Count’s voice sounds a little more strained than usual, and speculate regarding his health and any stress he may be under.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from DISAPPOINTMENT GRAY to MOONSHINE SILVER to celebrate the recent Swearing-In.

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THE MAJORITY REPORT: JANUARY 20TH, 2018

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