maskormenace | (no subject)

[ What is it about all of this that sends the anger deeper into the very marrow of her bones— is it the fact that he'd killed Han for nothing? Or that he was baiting her to drive him away from her and kill him?

Ben, no, Kylo Ren— he steps forward and all Leia can see is Tarkin, Vader, Imperials of different ranks. They'd all risen against her, each and every one of them had taken something from her; her planet, her family, her people. And now this man would be the one to take away from her the father of her child, her husband, the man she loved.

Leia's arm begins to pull back. She's more than ready, all it would take is a swift lunge forward. She would pierce through his sternum without anything to stand in her way, cut through his heart.

The blade disappears back into the handle. The blood pounds in her ears now that there's no more hum of the lightsaber. Killing him would make her no better. And maybe, just maybe, he deserves to suffer. She won't be the one to end his suffering. ]

If you wish to be free of me that badly then you can do it yourself.

[ Obi-Wan and Luke might be proud of her, she'd managed to pull herself back before she could be completely consumed. ]

[ He doesn't say anything for a long moment, watching her face.
She hates him.
He can feel it- the moment she kills her son. The moment it isn't Ben Solo she sees, but Kylo Ren.

But it doesn't burn through him like the touch of his father's hand had done.
With the door closed, he no longer feels the need to keep knocking. ]

I already told you what I wanted.

[ It feels like a lifetime ago. Like a dream. Perhaps it's simply the haze of shock, but he feels no pain.
He knows what he is. Ben Solo is dead.
And while she will always be his mother, Kylo Ren is not her son. ]

Thank you. For taking it from me.

[ There's no awkwardness now, no hesitation, no uncertainty. He drinks in one last look at her face and turns to leave. ]

You said you wanted to be my son. [ She speaks up when he begins to turn away. ] You still are.

Family make mistakes all the time. Nothing changes that fact. I'm not perfect either, far from it. Just as Anakin Skywalker is my father, you, Ben, are still my son. I will always be with you, you said so yourself.

[ But right now, she needs to shut herself away from the Force and process still what their future holds. It brings a whole new meaning to 'exist here'. ]

Edited 2018-02-10 17:19 (UTC)

[ He freezes in place- she still has that power over him, at least.
Briefly, he wonders what Luke might have said following his attempt on his life- if he'd had a chance to try and explain himself. Would it have mattered? Could anything have put it right? ]

That isn't my name. Not any more.

[ He doesn't turn. His voice lacks the unnaturally steady conviction from just moments before, though it isn't doubt that has taken its place- he believes every word. He sounds exhausted. ]

Ben Solo died. Along with his father. I can't bring him back any more than I can raise either of you from the dead.

My name is Kylo Ren. And I am a murderer.

[ There's a heavy finality to his tone. But he turns back to her, his heart pounding violently. ]

I don't know what else I am. But I know I can be... more. Here.
I told you I wanted to be your son.
I didn't lie to you. That is what I want.

You can't be both. You're either Ben Solo or you're Kylo Ren. I don't know Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren is not my son. But you want to be. I can't make this decision for you.

[ When he turns back to face her, Leia takes a step forward. The lightsaber is heavy in her grip. ]

We are all murderers. One way or another, we've all killed. That will stay with us for as long as we live.

There is still Light in you. That Light is my son. That Light is part of who Ben Solo is, do you understand? It can never die as long as I'm still alive. Here, now.

If you truly believe he's dead then-

[ Leia takes another step forward and holds out her lightsaber to him, eyes lifted and locked on his face. ]

You don't know me?

[ He takes it. There's no hesitation, he takes it. It's so light in his hand, for an object with so much weight. ]

Look at me. You've never met Ben Solo.

I told you I had no desire to hurt you. I came to you, when you were overwhelmed by the Dark Side. I shielded you from it. As best I could. I stood alongside my grandfather and pulled him back from the the Dark. I have held the peace when I could just as easily have rained down destruction. I made those choices.
Everything I have done here belongs to me. No-one else.
Not despite being Kylo Ren. Because I am Kylo Ren.

You're wrong. I have met Ben Solo. It was real. You were a baby. I also saw you as a child. Not the time I chased away your nightmares, but there have been other memories I've experienced. And I hold on to those memories.

[ Her hand feels empty without the silver handle, without its weight. Leia knows he won't do anything to her with it, she believes him. Doesn't need to hear him say it, she just knows. ]

Then what, you're a murderer and a protector?

[ She reaches out to cover his hand, wrapping hers over top of it and her lightsaber. ]

[ He isn't intimidated by that weighted question. He simply turns it back, his tone unabashedly blunt. ]

Aren't you?

[ He doesn't pull away from her hand- in fact, he offers the weapon back to her with no further comment. ]

I protect the people I love. I offer protection for those unable to fend for themselves. I've killed before, yes, when it was necessary, and I've sent soldiers to their deaths.

I won't make excuses, I'm not perfect. But when I murder, I don't need to take up a separate identity. I continue to go by Leia Organa. Or would you rather I go by Leia Skywalker?

[ The lightsaber is back in her hand and she lets it hang at her side. ]

It doesn't please me to say it, that I'm the daughter of Darth Vader. I'm sure I could come up with a name befitting the relation, if I wished for that.

Edited (eff lady Vader) 2018-02-10 21:48 (UTC)

You are deliberately missing the point, now. Making false assumptions. This isn't about you or your preferences, and I didn't become Kylo Ren because I murdered somebody.

I would call you by whatever name you asked me to and I am asking you to do the same for me.
It's a simple request.

I've already told you that Kylo Ren is not my son. But if that's what you prefer to be called...

[ She can't stop him from wanting that. If he feels that he's Kylo Ren and no longer Ben Solo, she's done arguing. This is what it has come to.

He should've never left.

Leia moves to go past him for the door. ]

Then I won't impose on you any longer.

[ So be it. If that is her decision, that is her decision. His jaw tightens. He might want a relationship with his mother, but he won't pretend to be something he is not. He hasn't been Ben Solo since Luke Skywalker crept into his bedroom with his lightsaber to kill him, and as far as he's concerned, when she followed that path, she made the answer to his question very clear.

He waits to be shown the door, pausing on his way out into the cold. ]

But don't pretend this is my choice. You made your decision when you drew that lightsaber.

[ He almost says goodbye, but- no. He can't. He walks out and keeps on going. ]

[ He may be done pretending but this entire time he'd led her to believe that the person she'd had with her really had been Ben Solo. Kylo had not once corrected her. No matter how many times she'd spoken the name Ben, he'd let her.

Leia wants to send a retort after him, remind him that the decision was already made for them when he'd decided it would be such a good idea to kill his father. Instead she shuts the door without watching him stalk off down the front path. Whatever connection she has to him, she cuts it off, silences it; it takes a moment of concentration but once it's done, she's turning to lean into the door and slide down.

The lightsaber drops heavily at her side and she brings her hands to cover her face, knees drawn up. The sob that cuts through the deafening silence is broken, muffled into her palms.

It was time now to bring back up the walls she'd let down; what a mistake it had been to let anyone in. ]