03 ▸ VIDEO.

[bragnificent]

[ The scene: sunny(-ish) Heropa, Florida. The subject: Reggie Mantle, sporting his Riverdale High letterman jacket rather than the leather one he's usually been wearing here and sitting on the hood of his stylish new(-ish) car, his back against the windshield and one leg folded over the other. The car radio is playing, Riley Mae Vyrus's hit "Breaking Walls" audible through the glass even from where he's sitting. ]

Yo, what the hell gives? Here we are a whole week into February and hardly any of you've brought up Valentine's Day yet. Did everyone just finally figure out how to look up human Earth holidays on Google, or are you all that afraid of sounding desperate?

Either way, I guess it's a good thing I'm here, cuz this is probably a conversation worth having, y'know? After all it is a brave new world out there, and since we're all stuck here with each other 'til god only knows when, eventually we'll all end up banging somebody. Or... I dunno-- [ With an exaggerated eyeroll and air-quotes: ] "Catching feelings." Whatever.

[ Such as the case may be with children, prudes, virgins... robots?... that's about where Reggie's mental list of exceptions stops. By now the first song's ended and the classic favorite "Not What It Looked Like, I Swear" has begun playing. Radio or a playlist? Who knows. ]

So hey, then why not get some kinda dialogue going, right? Like, hooking up on Valentine's Day: better or worse than hooking up the night before Valentine's Day? Don't forget to show your work. Or how about this one: would you rather try and find love in this hopeless place, or just wait out your time here since we all know it's temporary anyway? Would you rather do it with someone you knew already from home, or someone you didn't from a different universe? What about if someone you're with back home shows up-- you think you'd wanna still be together, or maybe try something new as long as you're here? C'mon, make some noise. Floor's open!

Hell, non-hypothetically, who all here still bothers using condoms? Cuz like, do we even need to...? [ He glances at his wrist to indicate the nanites. ] I mean come to think of it, I don't think I've ever actually heard of anyone here getting knocked up... what's up with that?

[ Reggie's brows knit slightly in thought as he considers that last one, but then he smirks and inclines his shoulders in a casual, careless shrug before swiveling his communicator so that the camera offers a better view of his car. ]

Most importantly, what's everyone think of my car? Pretty hot, right? I call her "Stacy's Mom."

Comments

[quickfingers]

Before anyone else gets to say it: Stacy's Mom? She's got it goin' on.

[bragnificent]

nice one dude u earned that win🥇💫🏆
I know it might be wrong but I think I am actually in love with Stacy's mom

[ video ]

[nightmarist]

So... Am I gonna have to be the guy who teaches you about AIDS, or..?

[ video ]

[perfectible]

Better you than me.

Also, we had sex ed at Riverdale so... I don't know what Reggie is thinking.

[ video ]

[bragnificent]

[ He rolls his eyes, sighing heavily and dramatically. ]

Look, if the little nano-whatevers in our bodies can bring us back from the dead, why wouldn't they be able to do something about-- [ A beat. ] I'm not gonna get AIDS, what the hell!

Re: [ video ]

[fehus]

I literally can't believe at least five or six people have tried to educate me on con-damns when people like Mantle exist in obvious need?

Thanks for the public service.

[slightlyoffchilt]

So is Stacy one of those "Transformers"? Or no? If this is her mother, of whom you are riding.

[bragnificent]

Ew, what? No-- that'd be gross, doc, she's not alive. She's just a normal car!

[video]

[carbonfrozen]

Mine's better.

[Han, your taxi has an unidentifiable stain in the backseat and breaks down half the time. It is not better.]

Anyway, last Valentine's Day I spent here, a tent exploded at the Swear-In. So long as that doesn't happen again, I'll call it better than last year. [And it already is because Leia Is Here.]

[video]

[bragnificent]

Prove it.

[ Pics or it didn't happen, old man. ]

A tent? ... Like for camping? How the hell would that even happen?

[ Video ]

[ghoulking]

I think at some point most just give up on trying to keep up with earth holidays. [ there is one every month ]

But I don't think nanites made us sterile. Perhaps we are all just very careful. I would hope.

[ Video ]

[bragnificent]

I dunno. I mean, I'm no expert on statistics or anything, but out of the, like... 200 or so of us, what are the freaking odds? Accidents happen all the time in the real world.

[ Video ]

[battysitter]

Hard pass on everything you said apart from the car.

Why "Stacy's Mom", tho? [ yes, because you ride her, he gets the dirty implication, but Steve wasn't born when that amazing musical hit was created ]

[ Video ]

[bragnificent]

Why? They're just questions, dude-- most of 'em aren't even really that personal, either.

[ Reggie has frequently resigned himself to being in the company of probable prudes already, though, so for now he doesn't push the issue. ]

I just decided, why not name her after a classic? And, y'know. MILFs.

[Video]

[itcanwait]

I only learned about Valentine's Day a few weeks ago. It doesn't sound like anything I'd do here though, if we had it back home I'd try it though!

I wouldn't try to find someone here, almost everyone is organic and human, even if I was stuck here, people would be gone really fast. Besides, there's someone back home that I want to try and...be with? If he wants to. Now that I know he's not dead. If he showed up here I'd tell him.

[He pauses a moment and tilts his head.]

I've seen better.

[Video]

[bragnificent]

So if he never shows up, what then? You're chill just taking the whole "all or nothing" approach for however long you're stuck here?

But I mean, hey-- if that's what works for you, that's what works for you.

[ Then, frowning: ]

Why d'you think I'd care about if you think you've seen better?

video

[fehus]

[ignores most of this video because it hurts his brain;]

I'm kind of surprised you're into Valentines Day? -- You and Archie doing anything?

[he almost requests the PG-13 answer but then thinks Reggie will continue considering him a prude, instead of just a guy who doesn't wanna hear about his close friend's sex life, so,,,]

video

[bragnificent]

I am not "into" Valentine's Day. [ He does the one-handed air quotes. ] I'm just curious to know if being here's changed the way anyone thinks about this sort of thing or not-- cuz it does totally change the playing field. There's a lot of interesting possibilities to consider, if someone really wanted to.

[ Then... um... uh. ]

What the hell kind of question's that?

video »

[eloquentness]

[ where does Iris even begin with this mess . . .

Probably with the part that makes her poor brain hurt the most: ] Reggie. If you get an STD, that's entirely on you.

video »

[bragnificent]

[ JUST... SCREAMING INTERNALLY AT THIS POINT... ]

Oh my god, why does everyone keep missing the point of why I was even asking?!

text; network ID is just a moon emoji 🌙︎

[dragony]

[ oh he's cute. ]

Worse. Trying to find someone the day before is premeditated desperation. At least if it's only the holiday itself, you can always fault the mood in the air. Easier to get untangled, that way.

Aside from that... well, I suppose it depends on the selection, doesn't it? Is there anyone 'back home' worth pursuing? Is anyone *here* ? In the end, the real answer is, how awful is your loneliness without it?

Oh, and yes to condoms. Do you think anybody wants to be the *first* one to get knocked up, or become the host to some weird super-infection? No thank you.

text

[bragnificent]

see, I also figured worse!
u don't really owe anyone shit if its already the 14th when ur hooking up, everyone knows what to expect from that
but if its the night before then ur pretty much either stuck with the date u have or suddenly ur the bad guy? way lame

well yeah obviously it depends
most ppl will probably still have some kinda preference tho right
I wanted to hear whatever #hottakes they might have

and speaking of which
I'm pretty sure ur the only person who actually got the point of my condom question
congrats on that!

video

[specialise]

[ a judgemental arch of her brow. honey, you're hot ... let's leave it at that. ]

... Was the point of this for you to get permission to have sex with your car?

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[bragnificent]

Uh.

[ Yet, this is still a less offensive #hottake to him than everyone assuming he has STDs. The bar's been lowered. ]

Well, if I really wanted to fuck my car, then no-- why would I ask permission?

Video

[articulations]

Maybe Valentine's Day is just another day of the week and isn't as important.

You asked so many questions, how about you answer them first yourself.

Video

[bragnificent]

Isn't as important as...? [ A beat. ] I mean don't get me wrong, Valentine's Day is so not my thing either, but that doesn't mean a ton of other people don't still take it weirdly seriously, y'know? People can actually go pretty nuts over all this love crap, so it's hard not to be sorta curious about what it means for everyone's general investment in that kind of thing.

Especially in a place like this-- I mean, that's gotta have some kind of impact.

[ But then, with a shrug: ]

Maybe I'm working on it. Why else would I ask?