001. video

[calloused]

[ Amidst candidacy announcements for Ambassadorship and thought-provoking questions aimed at the viewer comes this garbage.

The video opens deep in the woods outside of Nonah, and there stands a particularly grumpy dude, staring down at the camera like he's three or four seconds away from breaking his comm in half. There are children around him. So many children. A dozen boys, aged six to nine, all of them in scout uniforms, screaming at the top of their lungs, hitting each other with sticks, throwing dirt at each other, generally causing havoc. One of them throws a milkshake at another boy, who screams and cries. Where did he get a milkshake? Who cares. It's the other kid's now. Seeing as he's wearing it.

The angry dude is pointedly ignoring all of them. ]

I don't want these. I don't--

[ A kid runs past and he grabs it by the collar. It giggles, and the dude holds the little shit up to the camera. ]

I'm giving these away. I don't want them. Who wants these? There are twelve.

[ this is how you be a scout leader ]

Comments

[calloused]

My magic tricks might traumatize them.

[ or at least send them running into the woods screaming, which, you know. helpful, but. not. ]

I can't believe you're sitting there criticizing me and your advice still manages to be garbage.

[plasticbow]

Just because I don’t condone abandoning children in the woods doesn’t mean I know what to do with them.

Have you tried treating them like people instead of complaining and ignoring them?

[calloused]

[ he pulls a face at his comm. this guy's the worst ]

I asked a kid if he wanted anything to eat and he made fart noises with his mouth and said that was what I sounded like.

These things aren't people.

[plasticbow]

Do you sound like a fart noise?

[Okay, now he might be fucking with you just a little bit.]

I don't like kids either, but you can't just leave them alone in the woods.

Maybe you should get a job that you're actually good at.

[Says the mute "spokesperson".]