001. video

[calloused]

[ Amidst candidacy announcements for Ambassadorship and thought-provoking questions aimed at the viewer comes this garbage.

The video opens deep in the woods outside of Nonah, and there stands a particularly grumpy dude, staring down at the camera like he's three or four seconds away from breaking his comm in half. There are children around him. So many children. A dozen boys, aged six to nine, all of them in scout uniforms, screaming at the top of their lungs, hitting each other with sticks, throwing dirt at each other, generally causing havoc. One of them throws a milkshake at another boy, who screams and cries. Where did he get a milkshake? Who cares. It's the other kid's now. Seeing as he's wearing it.

The angry dude is pointedly ignoring all of them. ]

I don't want these. I don't--

[ A kid runs past and he grabs it by the collar. It giggles, and the dude holds the little shit up to the camera. ]

I'm giving these away. I don't want them. Who wants these? There are twelve.

[ this is how you be a scout leader ]

Comments

[curiosityvoyage]

[This guy has never met Mrs. Byers.]

I'm living with three of my friends from home, our baby-sitter, and one of my friends' sister already. I don't need a little brother. [Anyway, whoever he's going to offer is definitely not going to be Lucas, so there.]

I brought my pet in! His name's Dart, short for D'artagnan, and he's a whole new species. [This is not totally a lie.] He's at the reptile sanctuary right now, though, a couple of my friends are allergic. [This last bit is absolutely a lie.] And I can interrupt people's radio shows, if I've got my own radio with me.

[calloused]

Okay, okay. No little brothers. [ pause. ] Good you've got family here.

[ Dustin's making him like kids again. The scouts in the background are starting to chill out a bit, finally getting tired, and Derek's starting to find himself somewhat less ready to kill everyone. Good.

he imagines Dart to be, like, a weird gecko, rather than. you know. flower meat dog in training. ]

Dart sounds cool. Radio thing sounds kind of dumb, though. I'd complain, if I were you.

[curiosityvoyage]

Yeah, it's been pretty great. It's not everyone, [without Lucas around the Party doesn't quite feel complete] but I'm glad they're around.

What about you? You got any family here? [This is absolutely the wrong question to ask, but it's not like Dustin knows anything about Derek's life. As far as he knows, this is just a weird guy who doesn't like kids.]

Dart's awesome. I can send pictures over if you want. [And even if Derek doesn't he's going to anyway, because he loves his useless little baby monster.] And—uh, no, it's not. Just because radio's not as popular now as it used to be in 1984 doesn't mean there aren't still some people using it, and it's come in really useful a few times.

[calloused]

[ Derek's glad for the kid, too. He briefly looks away when Dustin asks if he's got family here, and he considers just straight up saying "nah, my entire family burned to death except for the girl who got cut in half and the dude whose throat I ripped out", but he decides that maybe he shouldn't say that. Maybe he shouldn't say that? Maybe he shouldn't say that. To a thirteen year old. Maybe. ... Unless-- no, no. No. He doesn't say it. ]

Just me. [ He shrugs. He goes through the photos that come his way and his eyebrow slowly, slowly arches up. This is not a weird gecko? This is a sad, evil shrimp. The kind of thing you have to kill before it grows up and kills you first. ]

What... does it... eat? [ People, he's assuming. Dustin's talking about the radio and 1984 and Derek just. He just. No longer cares. ] You, uh. You sure this is a pet? Not something you want me to kill for you before it sprouts wings or incubates eggs in your brain?

[curiosityvoyage]

[This particular thirteen-year-old has seen some shit in his life, so. He wouldn't quite appreciate that answer.]

You could get them one day! The Porter does that, sometimes—bring people in from one universe in batches. [As far as he's heard, anyway.] Though it's not picky about when they come from. Three of my friends here are from further into the future than I am.

[Stop giving the man hope, Dustin.]

Uh, yes, he's a pet. [Dustin is just honestly offended by this very suggestion. Okay, yes, fine, Dart may be a baby demogorgon, but he's on a meat-free diet! Nothing is going to happen that involves bloodshed and death! Dustin is making sure of it!] He likes nougat, but I'm feeding him vegetables and fruit on top of his regular candy bar. And he's not gonna incubate eggs in anyone's brain if I can help it.

...sprouting wings would be pretty cool, though.