Video, open 🍸

[pickledturncoat]

[The man in the video is sitting at a bar and he has three bottles in front of him; from what can be seen of the labels, they contain whiskey, gin and vodka respectively, all popular brands. None of them are full, with the missing contents presumably inside the man, who isn't exactly sloshed, more pickled or brined, he would call it; inebriated to a chatty degree—which will become more than apparent when he opens his mouth. For the record, his accent sounds English (or Imperial, depending upon your galaxy of origin); upper class and a bit snobbish.]

I am assured by the local barkeep—who also happens to be a fine example of a human male, by the way— [the video screen is angled briefly towards the man in question, currently looking too embarrassed for words] —that these intoxicants are typical of this planet and to be quite honest, I've never imbibed anything more boring in my life. I never thought I'd actually yearn for the sap of a Plooey tree, which is a lovely thick gummy liquor that glows green like industrial slime-waste and tastes like you're licking the underside of a leaky droid, or Knockback Nectar, which is basically made from lichen that's been scraped off rocks and pickled in fuel barrels, giving it that distinctive motor oil aftertaste, and yet... here we are.

Proper liquor should make you cough so hard your eyes water and instantly make your gums go numb and your teeth buzz. I want something strong enough to melt an astromech's circuits and instead I get dishwater.

[He waves an expressive hand towards the bottles, accompanied by a histrionic sigh. His life is so hard, truly. Help him imPort network; you're his only hope.]

Comments

[vanto]

You're at the wrong bar.

[grin] Also, you look old.

[Hi Sinjir, this asshole knows your face.]

[pickledturncoat]

I—what?

[He breaks off whatever he was going to say to squint at the little screen. Yes, he knows that face too, only it's quite a few years younger than it should be, what the—]

Vanto??

[Guess who didn't notice any names attached to text messages oops.]

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[cleptes]

Try absinthe. It's green and very potent.

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[pickledturncoat]

Absinthe. [He repeats the word for the bartender's benefit and the man can be heard mumbling something.] Not available here, he's afraid. [A beat.] Do you have any?

[canonized_demon]

Damn son, you can hold your booze...although it sounds like you like rust-plant runoff water more than actual booze.

Try bad Sake, it's like Pinesol and Turpentine.

[pickledturncoat]

Pfft, no. [He waves a dismissive hand.] I would never touch anything that actually has water in it. Perish the thought.

[He takes a moment to ask the barkeep about sake, then snorts at the answer.]

Low alcohol rice wine, excuse me? Did you miss the high octane part?

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[littlemissfutility]

[There's a teenage girl holding back a laugh, her scarred face crinkling into a smile.]

You need moonshine.

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[pickledturncoat]

Moonshine.

[–he repeats, the word rolling off his tongue as if its alcoholic potential could be gauged by name choice alone.]

Perhaps I do. The million credit question being, where can I get some?

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[therewillbeorder]

[He would have assumed the accent was what the locals called 'English' but given the references, he knows it's proper Imperial accent.

But he couldn't think of any Imperial officer who would be getting drunk in public like this. He didn't recognize the name either but that wasn't a surprise, he was a child when the Empire fell.]

There are many things this world is lacking. The alcohol is the least of the concerns.

[pickledturncoat]

[Speaking of proper Imperial accents—hello, that sounds fairly close to one as well. And then there's the friendly personable attitude; an Imperial trademark, truly.]

Ah, the big picture, yes. As I'm given to understand there isn't a whole lot you can do to alter that, I would posit, on the contrary, alcohol is essential in enabling one to not give a Psadan's patoot about it all.

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[onlydoubts]

So basically, you want to drink engine cleaner, not alcohol.

[ He's not sure there is anything as strong as some of the stuff back home, honestly. ]

[pickledturncoat]

I would be hard-pressed to disagree that some alcoholic concoctions are very comparable to industrial solvents, yes.

[vanto]

Do not give him ideas.

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[phoenixleader]

You're the type of person who drinks Pamarthen Port-in-a-Storm for fun, aren't you?

[ Aka the alcohol not even some of the riskiest pilots she knows would dare to drink without at least 100 credits on the table for completing a glass ]

I use that stuff to clean my hyperdrive.

[pickledturncoat]

I might if I actually drank to have fun. What you see here is a very serious undertaking with a multitude of underlying motivations.

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[reexamined]

[Ah. An Imperial.]

I'll keep a note to save my changed oil for you to consume, next time.

[pickledturncoat]

[Ugh. A droid.]

As appealing as that sounds, you understand taste is not the only factor. Are you radioactive, by any chance?

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[bookkeeper]

I think you lost me at "Plooey tree".

[ Air quotations and everything. ]

[pickledturncoat]

It's a very apt name when you think about it.

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[marriedmedium]

Oh darling, I'm so sorry! Someone has led you terribly astray. Which barkeep was it? I know them all, and I'll be certain to have a little talk with him.

Regardless, if what you need is a trustworthy recommendation, you've found the right person! Let Sadie assist you.

[pickledturncoat]

[Sinjir arches an inquiring eyebrow at the man behind the bar, who subsequently waves his hands and shakes his head in a silent but vehement NOOOOOOO.]

I'm afraid he's taking a lunch break and I have no idea what his name is, sorry? But by all means, recommend away.

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[fettering]

my template could turn water into wine
maybe the same trick used on alcohol makes stronger alcohol??

[pickledturncoat]

Your template? Is that another word for porter power?

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[gentrify]

That's 'cause bars half water down liquor to save on cost and keep from having to call cabs for the drunks. Welcome to America. [ but if you want to drink straight up gasoline, no one'll stop you... probably. ] You want good booze, go buy your own bottle.

[pickledturncoat]

'Good' is not necessarily an apt descriptor of what I'm looking for. More like 'potent to a nearly toxic degree.'