Video | Assways Into a Jam Jar Full of Bees

[thehawksnest]

[The video post begins with utter darkness, with faint mumbling in the background. Then, everything brightens as Clint takes his thumb off of the camera and turns it to face him.]

Hey, uh, everyone...out there. I have a question about some weird ass shit, to put it simply. So, I know a lot of you folks have enhanced abilities, or 'superpowers', 'gifts', 'cool shit', whatever you call it, and I'm hoping someone can tell me what the hell I'm doing here?

[He makes reaching gestures with his hands as he describes exactly what's happened to himself.]

So, earlier I was trying to figure out how to work the damn tv here, and I dropped the remote beside my chair. I was reaching around for it when I felt...ok, it...it felt like reaching assways into a jam full of bees. You know, like a sock filled with dice and nail clippings? Man, I dunno, it felt weird. But, even weirder is what I came back with, and it wasn't even the damn remote!

[Clint reaches down and picks up a strange looking glove, waving it in front of the camera.]

Look! It's a goddamn archery glove! And it perfectly fits! What the hell was this doing next to my chair? This is weird, right? This can't just be me thinking it's strange.

[He sighs, and shrugs to the camera.}

Or, maybe it is just me, and I'm getting too old for this. I knew I shoulda retired when they even mentioned a helicarrier...

Comments

Video; User name Link

[breaks_pots]

Link doesn't speak when the camera comes on to show him. But he waves hello first. Then he reaches behind him - there's nothing on his back right now - and pulls out a sword. A child-sized sword, to be sure, but a sword none the less.

See? He can do the same thing as Clint: Pull useful stuff out of seeming no where!

So, you know, not alone.]

[thehawksnest]

[Clint waves back as he watches, first confused, then surprised as Link reveals his weapon.]

Oh! So, you can, like, summon a sword from nowhere, huh? Are you saying that I can, what, just whip out a glove whenever I need it?

[Internally, Clint pictures himself as some kind of archery-based Michael Jackson, what with the one glove and all. But he keeps that to himself.]

[breaks_pots]

[Link didn't know how this guy's power worked exactly, but he knew that it sure seemed similar to Link's own ability to get what he needed when he needed it.

So Link shrugged and set the sword on the ground in front of him. Then he reached behind him again and took out a small wooden shield. He held it up to make sure the guy could see it before setting it down, too. Then he continued with two small sacks - one with a gem embroidered on it, the other with a nut of some sort - a slingshot, seven sticks as long as he was tall, a pile of papers that revealed themselves to be city maps when put down, and a small pinkish ocarina. Way more than he could possibly have been hiding behind him.

He looked down at it all, then up at the camera, and jerked his chin up in a 'now you' manner.]

[thehawksnest]

Dude...how much fits into that sock hat?

[And then it clicks.]

Oh! You're thinking I can do the same thing, like, there's some random shit I could whip out. I mean, it possible, but I don't even know how I did it the first time. Unless you have more bee jam lying around, it wasn't exactly something I did on purpose, like what you just did.

UN: MadMax

[beyourzoomer]

Wait. You reached for the remote and came up with an archery glove? Were you thinking about archery or gloves when you reached down?

Because holy shit. That's cool. Try it again. Maybe that's your super power.

[thehawksnest]

[Clint shrugs. He holds up the glove, both to inspect it, and to keep it in frame for the camera.]

Well, I wasn't exactly thinking about archery. Shit, I've hardly had any time to think about that since getting my ass dumped here. This is definitely the kind of glove I use, when I'm on duty. But I also definitely didn't have it in the room with me at the time.

[He pauses, weighing the implications of her second point.]

I'm kinda known for not having anything close to superpowers. You really think something might have changed?

[beyourzoomer]

On duty for what?

[Her eyes light up a little and she nods.]

Yeah, definitely. I didn't have superpowers before I got here either. Everyone gets something when they show up here. Maybe yours is pulling stuff outta thin air. That's kind of awesome.

And useful.

video.

[micycle]

You think thats a weird power?

[The lanky kid on the other end of the video feed backs up a bit, and claps his hands twice. Above him, the ceiling lights flicker off. Two more claps, and they come back on. He makes a face as if to say, "See?!".]

At least an archery glove's useful.

[thehawksnest]

[He smiles in a cringing sort of way, sorry to burst the poor kids bubble.]

I, uh, I dunno how to break it to you, kid, but I'm pretty sure that's just built into the lights. I'm pretty sure I remember there being some kind of product on TV a few years back that did exactly that. Had a, *ahem* damn annoying catchy jingle that went with it and every thing.

[Being a father of 3, Clint has trained himself to tame his cuss words around smaller people. It's basically a reflex now.]

[micycle]

[Mike's eye roll is practically audible.]

It was in my file, asshole.

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[curiosityvoyage]

It's not weird, it's great. Can you pull anything else out of nowhere? That would be even better.

[thehawksnest]

Well, first off, points of enthusiasm and positivity. Secondly, I have no clue. This happened like, 3 minutes ago. Thirdly, I don't even know where this came from.

[He pauses briefly to look at the mystery glove.]

You really think I did this? Like, some kind of paranormal shit? Because, buddy, I don't have superpowers.

[curiosityvoyage]

Neither did I before I got here, and now I can interrupt someone's playlist if I really need to talk to them. [The declaration of not having superpowers doesn't faze his cheer in the least.] Even if you didn't have superpowers before you got here, the Porter gives you some.

So maybe your superpower's making things appear out of thin air. Could you try it again?

[canonized_demon]

Man, you got the shit end of the stick for super powers here. I take it that doesn't happen at home?

[thehawksnest]

Well, yeah, because I don't have superpowers. I'm a wicked shot and am banned from a few dart tournaments, but nothing, like, supernatural. Why do you think this is superpowers?

[canonized_demon]

Did they not give you the rundown when you got here omae? Everyone gets -something- when they get here, some kind of special power.

[Video ]

[battysitter]

Superpowers, dude. Just go along with it.

[thehawksnest]

[Clint looks down at the glove in his hand, then back to the video call.]

[Then back at the chair he was sitting on, then back to the camera.]

You mean...

[One more glance at the chair for good measure.]

Oh wow, my chair has superpowers?!

[battysitter]

..........

Yeah, sure man. So carry it around.

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[khajidont]

Try it again and see what else you come up with! Only way of testing out a new superpower, yeah?

[thehawksnest]

Wait, new superpowers? I mean, I didn't have any to begin with, why would I suddenly be able to summon Some Random Glove. Is it those nanites those spooks were talking about? Because they were shift as fuck when I tried to ask about who's in charge of S.H.I.E.L.D. here.

[khajidont]

'Cause we get superpowers once we get here - if we didn't already have them when we arrived. Have you looked at your file yet? They should at least have a name in there for whatever it is they gave you.

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[flambeauyant]

[A clean cut looking gent is going to just raise a brow at all this. Come on man...]

I'm not sure I want to know why reaching around for a remote felt like... and i quote "reaching assways into a jam full of bees" or even "sock filled with dice and nail clippings". I want to assume you mean it felt weird.

Because those are... queer to say the least. You wouldn't be the only one dealing with new weird ... 'things' however.

[thehawksnest]

Weird, how? Like, mango pudding with beef jerky toppings weird? Or Steampunk beaver dam kind of weird?

And yeah, I just wanted the remote back. I couldn't feel it, so I had to stretch out and reach for it. And then I got this damn glove.

[He raises the glove into the frame of the video call for emphasis.]

not here

[divaricate]

[Clint, what the fuck.]