Video

[discountstarscream]

So, I've been here long enough to pick up a thing or two. Little things mostly, like how to cook and bake, which I personally find a whole lot of fun, and how to drive a car, though that was a really strange and unsettling experience that I won't really get into.

[Getaway laughs, as if sharing some sort of little in-joke.]

I keep meaning to ask about the ways you humans show romantic affection for one-another. I have someone very special that I would love to show my adoration to and I think it'd be fun to do it according to your cultural values. "When in Rome" as you humans say, yes?

And also a shout-out to my good friend Riptide for representing us Cybertronians in the public eye. Be nice to me and maybe I can hook you up with your favorite robot of love! He's a nice guy, I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

[He's unable to hold back a snicker at the last part, as it is, frankly, the funniest goddamn thing he's ever seen, and he once saw Rodimus try to be a responsible and competent leader.]

Comments

video

[knaval]

[time for the hardest thing riptide has ever done.]

Heeeeey, best friend! Thanks for the shout out! [off screen: riptide clenching a large boulder so hard it cracks.] I'm glad you kept up with the baking. You're so good at it when there's no unfortunate accidents!

[god he wants to die. or getaway to die.]

Who's the... lucky person? Did you meet a human you fell for?

Re: video

[discountstarscream]

Oh, haven't you heard?

Tailgate and I are officially a thing.

[He says with a bright smile in his voice.]

Honestly, I couldn't be happier. He likes these humans a lot, so I figured I should charm him with their romantic customs. He'd like that, wouldn't he?

Re: video

[knaval]

Oh, that's... great!

[he's both disgusted and... jealous? it takes all his willpower to not snap back with "he'd like it if you died".]

Aren't you worried about Cyclonus being ported in? I think that's a great idea, though.

Re: video

[discountstarscream]

Nah.

[He says, genuinely not too terribly concerned. He'd deal with that if the time ever came. For now, he's pretty much where he wants to be.]

I think I have more to offer Tailgate than he does.

Besides, Cyclonus is a bad influence on him, anyone can see that.

privATE, text

[flightforfreedom]

wait

what the fuck?

riptide



what the fuck?? tailgate??

anonymous text

[queenofseers]

[ Someone who knows Riptide? Well. Cassandra supposes she'd have to run into another one of these guys at some point.

But- oh. Oh, it's this guy. Riptide's told her some things about this guy.

This might be a bad idea, but...she turns on anonymous. ]

Why the interest in human romance? That's a bit of a strange thing for an alien to look into. And it seems like you want to rope everyone in. [ Including Riptide. Hmm. Hmmm?? ]

Re: anonymous text

[discountstarscream]

Is it really so strange to be interested in cultures besides my own?

If so then your world view must be really small :(

Besides, it's just in good fun. I'd hope your species has room for that every now and then.

anonymous text

[queenofseers]

[ Ohhh that sad face. That just makes her first impression of this guy go negative even more. ]

Sure we do. Too much room, half the time.

What about your friend? You think he's interested in this type of fun?

Re: anonymous text

[discountstarscream]

It's a Cybertronian thing. You wouldn't understand.

Buuut, if you responded to me anonymously, that means you have some sort of interest, yes?

Come now, don't be shy.

Video

[drivesadesk]

Well...things I've done that seemed to work out pretty well with humans included:

- Ripping my face off to show what was underneath.

- Opening up about my past, and admitting to having abducted them repeatedly for experiments.

- Engaging in suspicious activities to get them to really dig in to my shady past.

Humans are pretty weird, but try something along these lines and you'll do great!

...only slightly different, because our circumstances might not be the same.

Re: Video

[discountstarscream]

WELL, don't you sound like an interesting person.

[All of that sounds absolutely hilarious, but Getaway is savvy enough to know better than to take the advice seriously.]

All of that sounds pretty swell, but I'm afraid I can't take off my face. This, you see.

[He gestures to his yellow faceplate. Or, rather, to his complete lack of any sort of feature.]

Is my actual face. I wasn't lucky enough to get one.

I wasn't under the impression that humans can take off their skin and still live. How did that work for you?

Video

[drivesadesk]

Yeah, I'm not human.

But...I mean...even if that's your real face, does that really stop you? If losing an arm doesn't hurt a cybertronian....

Re: Video

[discountstarscream]

It's impolite.

[He says lightly, not really wanting to go into all the complicated little things that made up Cybertronian society.]

Losing an arm hurts quite a bit, actually, just like losing your head. But we can recover from those things just fine. Our ability to withstand a punishing amount of damage is one of our strengths, but also a weakness.

During our war, the Decepticons used to build bombs made out of the bodies of a still-living Cybertronians. These bombs were fully sentient and had their brains wired so that they would explode if they got too scared or upset. Defusing those bombs was a nasty business because they were aware enough to beg you to save them.

Pretty interesting, hm?

video;

[fireandhoney]

Usually giving jewelry works as a way to show affection. Even better if it's enchanted. Then again, I haven't seen any enchanting stations since I got here. If they don't like jewelry, then I say buy them artwork.

Re: video;

[discountstarscream]

[Oh hey it's his roommate.]

Giving gifts to show affection is universal than, good to know.

You know, I've visited a few art galleries since I showed up and human artwork is unlike anything I've ever seen. If nothing else, they sure do have an eye for colours and strange concepts.

[fireandhoney]

I do a bit of art myself, mostly drawing and painting.

[discountstarscream]

You should give me lessons sometime. I don't know if I'd be any good, but it's always good to expand your horizons and learn new things, yes?

[burlyboy]

There's no one way to show love for another person! It's not like all humans are the same either, y'know. We all got different stuff going on.

Buuuuuut there's, like, all the physical stuff? Hugging, kissing, holding hands. [ He shrugs. ] Boning down.

[ Classy. ]

But it's generally just thinking about 'em, giving them gifts they like even when you have no reason to give them a gift, making sure that everything in their life's going smoothly, telling 'em that you love them. That kind of thing!

[discountstarscream]

I'm beginning to think that there isn't that much difference between humans and cybertronians when it comes to romance. Isn't that a comforting thought? That love can be universal?

[He laughs.]

A long time ago, before I was born, it was heavily frowned upon to be, ah...

[What was the human word for it?]

Married in public. Not illegal, necessarily, but it was something shameful that should be kept in secret. It's nice that we've come such a long way since then.

[burlyboy]

Shit, really? Why? I've never heard of anything like that.

Video

[izanyagi]

Congratulations!

And honestly even humans have different ways of showing affection. It depends how much of an impact you want to do I guess...

What can you cook?

[Important questions according to Yu Narukami.]

Re: Video

[discountstarscream]

[Getaway focuses on that last question because frankly he likes talking about it.]

I've tried my hand at a number of things, with varying levels of success. I've discovered that I really like making apple pie, and that I like how curry tastes.

Any cooking tips you can offer a first-timer?

text;

[itssacrifice]

Holding hands is usually a good place to start.
Maybe even a romantic gesture: giving them a gift, maybe.
It doesn't have to be anything fancy.
If you like cooking, making a meal for that special someone can be considered a sign of affection.

[I mean. He's not going to assume that his special someone is a machine and totally disregard the possibly that they might enjoy a home-cooked meal.]

Re: text;

[discountstarscream]

Ah, holding hands is extremely important in our culture. It's kind of nice that that's something we share.

Oh!
I know.
I will make him pancakes. He seems like the kind of person who would enjoy them.
lets just hope I don't leave the pan a smoking, unsalvageable crater this time.

text;

[itssacrifice]

Really? That is nice. You should definitely go for it then.
Pancakes are a good choice.
Who doesn't love pancakes?

[UM. This is concerning.]

Keep an eye on the pan the whole time and make sure to flip them regularly.
You should be fine.

[Hopefully.]