004 🌙 VIDEO | FT. 🖕 ANDY

[heliophilic]

[ Andy and M are sitting beside each other on M’s sofa with Dragprawn, M’s bright red robotic shrimp draped across M’s shoulders. Andy is, unsurprisingly, puffing away on an already dwindling cigarette. For his part, M is staring into the camera looking serious, but incredibly smug. ]

To our dear, dear friends who have told us, on more than one occasion, that we should “get a hobby”: Andy and I would like you to know that we’ve heard you, and to make you stop “suggesting” it to us, we want you all to know that we’ve started a little club.

[ With a dramatic flourish that would make Vanna White proud, M holds up a pair of knitting needles. ]

Specifically, a knitting club. We sat down and had a whole big heart-to-heart, and for a while there we debated between knitting or the lost art of whittling chicken bones into tiny shivs, but we figured the latter defeated the purpose of “relaxing” and so sadly knitting won.

[ Is he serious? Is he kidding? The world may never know, because M’s face betrays nothing. Andy is only slightly less subtle — the corner of her mouth quirks up. She lifts up two bundles of yarn: One is rainbow, the other is metallic gold. ]

“Knitting club” also sounds a lot less shady than “shiv-making club.” [ Her voice goes wry: ] We’re accepting applications from anybody who knows their ass-end from a knitting needle. Fair warning: No guarantee that the needles don’t end up getting used as shivs anyway.

[ M finally grins. ]

Because we have to have our fun too.

Comments

[grandtheftequine]

Y'know, I was just telling my friend Billy he should take up knitting. I'm not sure he meets the requirements, but he's always claimed to be a quick learner.

[killtime]

I think we could probably survive your friend Billy, despite the possibility that he might not be able to tell the difference between his own ass and a sharp object.

[heliophilic]

What my dear friend Andy failed to mention is that no one will be turned away for knitting club. We only learn through doing, after all.

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[burlyboy]

Oh, hell yeah! I love knitting! M, you never told me that you know how to knit.

[killtime]

I wouldn't consider him a traditional knitter.

[heliophilic]

Why am I not even remotely surprised?

[Because of course Magnus knits.]

I've dabbled, but I decided that I should get more serious in my pursuit of hobbies.

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[ct_7567]

Oh, I don't know about that. Whittling's supposed to be a relaxing enough hobby, no matter the outcome.

[killtime]

Don't be a bad influence on me, Rex.

[heliophilic]

True, but then you have to hear the constant chatter of "M, why do you have so many sharp chicken bones" and "M, that's cruel to the chickens." Like I personally murdered all of them to take their bones.

[People should know by now that he's 100% cruelty free.

To animals.]

[neverdied]

I can knit.

[Have one of the most bored looking men on the planet.]

... And makes shivs.

[heliophilic]

Well then, welcome to the knitting club, stranger.

[M sends a text attachment of the following picture:

]

We could actually use a member who knows how to knit.

I'm M, this is Andy. And you are...?

[fauxmarth]

[why is she not surprised to find these two souls in cahoots?

she's smiling, but also...squinting. what are you two up to.]

I must be honest: I would've never pegged either of you as the sort to gravitate toward knitting. If that's how this venture is to truly go, that is.

[heliophilic]

Now what makes you go and say a thing like that?

[They're the picture of innocence, Lucina!]

[video]

[topmeup]

Boy this takes me back. Haven't touched a pair of needles in years. What's the first project gonna be?

[killtime]

I'm open to suggestions.

[heliophilic]

First project will be determined by the first member who knows what they're doing.

Is that going to be you?

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[lesterzeppelin]

[ oh sweet Zeus, this is pretty much his worst nightmare rolled up into... a couple of knitting needles? ]

Uh.

[ where does he even begin... ]

What made you even decide on knitting in the first place?

[killtime]

[ Wryly: ]

What, you don't think it's an appropriate hobby for an old lady like me?

[ Might be an inside joke. Lester is one of the few people that have a real sense of how old she actually is. ]

[heliophilic]

[Come knit with them, Lester.]

For your information, I've been knitting for years.

Hasn't anyone ever taught you not to judge a book by its cover?

voice;

[aberrant_type]

M... what a wonderful idea! Knitting is such a productive hobby!

[heliophilic]

[Oh Hange. So sweet. So innocent.]

That's what we thought too. I take it you're also a knitter?

["Also." Like he actually knits.]

text;

[guerrilla_morph]

Is this a group for a bunch of prison inmates?

[heliophilic]

Depends. Are you currently incarcerated?

[killtime]

not too far off

[larped]

[ oh no, now he's obligated. ]

This sounds wholesome.

[killtime]

[ With a decidedly nonreassuring hint of wryness: ]

Wholesome is absolutely a word I would use to describe myself and my colleague.