THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 20TH, 2018

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: MAY 20TH, 2018Local witnesses have noted strange things behaviors from well-known imPorts in Maurtia Falls, digitally speaking. If you find an imPort behaving OUT OF CHARACTER, view them with caution! Given the supernatural nature of imPort maladies, leading medical minds cannot yet tell if this is something highly contagious or if it will only infect interdimensional eyeballs.

VIDEO KILLED THE IMPORTED STAR
As seen in The Maurtia Falls Times:

Strange times ahead! Local witnesses claim a viral video on BlueTube showcased Deddit hero Count Dooku as someone far, far more tamed. At first, the immediate media reaction was to find WHAT exactly these three imPorts featured were selling, but soon it became clear that NO PRODUCT COULD BE DETECTED. This is a new, bizarre occurrence. Local Maurtians are advised to voice digital media altogether and pursue only the printed word as the singular safe alternative to a potential deadly digital virus, at least until leading medical minds can figure out what has happened and the extent of damage.

IMPORTED INTO YOUR EARS
As heard online:
A new imPort-themed podcast had hit the scene! In the wake of a new wave of imPortmania (the kind that always tends to pool around the summer), a fresh podcast built entirely on BACKSTORY GUESSING and LORE BUILDING called MYTHOS AND LEGIONS PODCAST has ascended into trending popularity. Each Wednesday there's a new theme with a selection of imPorts who are discussed in detail by a HIP YET ACADEMIC panel. This last Wednesday showcased the theme of INNER BEAUTY and featured discussion about MERLE HIGHCHURCH, CARL GALLAGHER, GALLA, and HAN SOLO.

Please be sure to rate it on PineApple podcasts!

LIQUID PRO QUO
As seen in local Maurtia Falls police blotter:
No new leads regarding the vandalism cases of 235118 Tite Ave W, 5208 Anne St, and 5152015 Ionic Way. If you know something, or think you can help, please reach out to the MFPD.

DARE TO BAPHOMEET HIM
As seen at the De Chima Downtown Library:

Witnesses were shocked when a LIBRARY LION outside of the De Chima Downtown Library came to life. BlueTube video shows the lion stood up, stretched, and TRANSFORMED into a marbled goat of equal size. This goat then yells out "BAPHOMET GREETS YOU ON JUNE 21ST!" three times before shuddering back into its lion form and laying back down. It did not move again.

The whole event lasted no more than a minute.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from PALE ROSE to BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH thanks to this new digital concern.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

text

[fehus]

honestly? kind of a weirdly polite miracle that still resulted in a lot of scared pigeon shit around my library? 6/10.

text

[sanguinespell]

my client is good at that kind of thing

Re: text

[fehus]

covering areas of learning in pigeon shit?

[sanguinespell]

not what i meant. but probably also that specifically yeah

Text

[lastofthebog]

Regarding the vandalism: if you would prefer not to speak to the police, I am quite interested in any additional information people may have on the matter.

[video]

[carbonfrozen]

Seems like whoever's running that podcast just pulled a bunch of names and a topic out of a hat for their discussion. What's "inner beauty" got to do with anything I'm doing here?

[video]

[faithfulson]

I think even more people are figuring out your tough loner smuggler act.

[ He's just teasing. A little. ]

[video]

[carbonfrozen]

[Rolling his eyes, so rude!]

I'm tough! That ain't an act. Stopped being a loner a while ago, and I haven't done a lot of smuggling lately. [he says, you know, like a liar.] What you see's what you get, with me. [why the fuck you lyin]

[video]

[faithfulson]

[ Luke can't help but smile. ]

Han, either I'm getting better with the Force, or you've become a terrible liar. I'm not sure which it is.

[lastofthebog]

I also wonder about that. I've no complaints about being appreciated, but I have more concrete things to offer than...whatever "inner beauty" is.

[carbonfrozen]

[With a straight face betraying no hint of the sheer bullshit that's about to come out of his mouth:] They wanna know how pretty your insides are, I guess. Might be you've got weirdly shiny intestines or something.

[lastofthebog]

[ The only real sign that she's affected is a tiny quirk of her lips; almost a smile. ]

If they want to know that, then all they have to do is ask.

text;

[extremeteenbible]

WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS IS A PODCAST?

[shittywizard]

👆
underrated bweet

[extremeteenbible]

WHAT'S A BWEET?!

TEXT.

[thirdstrike]

wut
who tf sed that ill beat therr ass

not here

[slightlyoffchilt]

[The transcript to this podcast is already pinned to the bulletin board in the staff lounge at the Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital for Abnormal Conditions.]

not here

[thirdstrike]

[ ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH,, ]

not here

[slightlyoffchilt]

[Chilton will definitely order fancy muffins for the staff come Monday, so EVERYONE sees this fantastic thing that Carl achieved.]

Re: TEXT.

[fehus]

your intestines are beautiful.

TEXT.

[thirdstrike]

die

TEXT.

[thirdstrike]

again

text;

[sanguinespell]

baphomet! midsummer! see the noonday sun on the longest day of the year! as above so below and shit like that!

private!

[baphlement]

Nico you are literally THE COOLEST.

[sanguinespell]

yeah, well. that's what you pay me for