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[ Poe is sitting in his own living room, for the first time in two months, not that many people watching this would know that. On his lap is Beth's dog Polly, and he's petting her head as he sets up the video. ]

So, I'll tell you straight up that the beaches are better on the west coast. They don't even compare. And there's nothing more hilarious than watching people's faces when you go from surfing to flying before they can compute what's happening.

[ His tone is light, but the smile isn't reaching his eyes. He rubs Polly's head a little more vigourously. ]

Anyway, two things for a head's up. One - uh - I don't usually do this, but I don't know all her friends, so - Beth's gone. She came out to Cali with me, and just - yeah. Ported out. Usually I'd let people know in person, but. [ That was kind of impossible, when he didn't know everyone she knew. ]

I'm gonna try to keep all her affairs in order until she comes back, so let me know if you need anything that way. [ Not an if she comes back. When. Even though part of him was already assuming she was gone for good, he was at least trying to pretend to keep his head up about it.]

Number two -

Something weird is stirring up. I follow a lot of the imPort chatter on the Native internet, and heard a couple rumblings from my squad - just be careful out there when you're dealing with Natives, I guess. Sounds like they're getting on edge again.

Remember that if they get put down, they don't get up like we do. They've got a lot of reason to be afraid of us - don't add to it, however annoyed you might be when they give you grief for being here at all. We're on their turf, and we owe them, not the other way around.

[ It's weird, saying this. He would have said the opposite, a year ago. Raged about being kidnapped. But. Well. It's been a long year. He clears his throat. ]

Alright, Dameron out. [ The feed winks off. ]

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[ there's a tap on the doorframe to alert poe that someone's there, and cassian slips in, crossing to the couch poe's seated on and sliding onto it on the side that's less full of dog. he leans his side into the back-rest, pulling his legs up onto the cushions as his brows lift, expression questioning. ]

You might have to be more specific when you tell people that something 'weird' is starting. Quite a lot around here is strange, after all.

[ yes, of course he was listening. there's not a lot around here, or in general, that slips past cassian. it's a habit he's been trying to break, but well..

probably somewhat surprisingly, he looks a little less stressed and exhausted than he usually does, the typical tense line of his shoulders softened almost welcomingly. ] Are you alright?

[ The door is unlocked, and Poe doesn't even get up, at the knock. Anyone knocking, here, knows they can just come in. Even if he hasn't actually been in here since Finn left.

But he was done with sulking. Finn wasn't coming back. He was just going to have to learn to move on.

He looked up when he saw Cassian, Polly letting out a quiet bark in his arms, and he hushed her quietly, before letting her lean in and sniff at Cassian as he joined them on the couch.

Poe, on the other hand, doesn't look any less tense than when he left. If anything, he just looks more tired.]

It's just a gut feeling, Cass. Not a lot I can give people on it. But you know when you can feel a storm coming? It's like that.

[ He shrugs. ]

Yeah. I'm fine. [ He's not fine, but he's tired of not being fine. ]

You guys been holding up the fort, okay?

[ cassian folds an arm over the backrest, leaning his cheek on his fist as dark eyes watch the older man, inscrutable as always. at last, hesitant, his free hand lifts, callused fingers curling briefly over poe's forearm in a squeeze before withdrawing once more. ]

I'll keep an eye out. [ you can take the spy out of the war, but you can't take the war out of the spy. he still information-gathers; given the observational and memory capabilities he has these days, there's no turning it off. there's just.. no real purpose for it any longer.

still, if there's something big on the horizon, well.. maybe he can discover more about it. ]

Mm. [ the answer gets a disbelieving glance, but he lets it go. it's not as if cassian's any more inclined toward admitting when he's not okay, after all. they all have to deal with things their own way-- and cassian's luckier than most in that he has kay, who for some reason still puts his health and welfare above even his own. cassian knows he doesn't deserve it, but.. it makes him want to be better, do better. ] .. Well enough, [ he finally adds, glance sliding away briefly in something that looks very much like embarrassment. ] I tried marijuana while you were gone. Kay thought it might help. [ it had, actually, in a way. for a little while, at least. ]

[ Both of Poe's eyebrows raised, and Polly shifted in his lap, the chocolate lab slipping to the floor and trotting off while humans had boring conversations. ]

You what? Really? Wait - Kay did?

[ Not what he was expecting. ]

Huh.

... Did it?

Kay worries. [ the comment is almost defensive for a half-second, but then he snorts, mouth twitching up briefly. ] .. Yes, a little. [ he shifts, bare toes brushing the outside of poe's thigh, a soft, musing noise in his throat. ] I felt.. mellow, I guess.. I slept well.

[ he's not sure how often he wants to use it, since anything mood-altering makes him nervous, and since he doesn't want kay to feel as if he has to babysit him, but it might be nice to try again on a really bad day. ]

Huh. [ He says it again, not really noticing how his hand automatically shifts when Cassian's toes nudge him, massaging the other man's foot both fondly and aimlessly. ]

I admit I've never tried it. Not exactly something they're keen on us doing, at work, and I piss off command often enough. Sounds tempting, though. Even if I think the hit to my reflexes would drive me nuts.

[ A pause, a sigh, as he ran a hand through his hair, the other still rubbing Cassian's toes. ]

I'd give a lot for a decent night's sleep, though.

[ ah. his glance drops briefly to the hand on his foot, then lifts again to poe's face as he lets his foot flex in the older man's hold. ] Mm, I don't recommend it for you, no. It.. slows everything down. [ he never would have used it at home. he wouldn't have used it without kay there, either.

of course, that leaves poe's options rather limited, doesn't it? drugs in general, even the type that come prescribed by doctors, would be difficult to adjust to, and would probably ground poe while he was trying. which would make him miserable.

his glance dips back thoughtfully down to the other man's hand. .. he likes contact. he seems to crave it, in fact. and this is probably a bad idea to suggest, too, but-- ]

Sex would help, maybe. With.. [ his glance lifts, holds poe's. ] .. someone you trust. [ as long as poe doesn't want.. more, then he wouldn't mind. ]

[ Without missing a beat, and like he's already thought about it before: ]

Yeah, I can't do that to Bodhi, though. [ As if he just assumed Cassian wasn't talking about himself. Poe's list of people he loved wasn't short, but trust was different, and so were the number of people who's lives he could ruin. He'd thought that had been something Bodhi had wanted and had been proven very wrong. ]

There aren't a lot of options for no-strings-attached that don't already have strings attached, if you know what I mean.

[ despite himself, his eyes crinkle a little at the corners in amusement, brows lifting. ]

Yes, I'd rather you not do that to Bodhi. I think.. he deserves romance. Pretty sure that's what he wants, too.

[ and in some ways, bodhi is fragile. he's been hurt enough, and he's not.. like cassian. also, cassian is pretty sure he'd murder anyone that wounded bodhi, which could make things awkward.

he shifts, pushing the foot in poe's hand harder into the press of his fingers. ] So.. what, you don't trust me, then?

Yeah. He deserves a lot better. [ Better than him and better than a night to blow off steam.

He glanced up at the question, an honest sort of surprise on his face. ]

What? I mean, yeah, of course I do, but -- I figured you-- uh--

So that wasn't a hypothetical. [ Sorry, Cassian, he's dim. ]

Sex is just sex, Poe. As long as you don't expect more than that, and as long as you don't want me to spend the night with you, I don't mind if we go to bed.

[ that's the tricky part with people that know him, though, isn't it? keeping sentiment out of it, keeping the two things separate. people have a funny way of getting attached once the clothes come off. and though he knows poe already considers him a friend, he just-- doesn't want to make it more complicated than that.

maybe it'll help, actually. it'll get poe his restful night, at least. ]

[ Huh.

His head turns, a slight furrow to his brow as he considers it. He wasn't sure if the strangely detached was Cassian discussed it made the idea better or worse. On one hand, it would be a lot easier than going out and picking someone random up in a bar, and probably a lot more satisfying. On the other-- ]

There's a pretty big difference between something you don't mind and something you actually want to do, Cassian. [ He looked back at the other man and rubbed his toes again. ] Though it means a lot, that you'd offer.

[ well, if poe is going to massage his foot, he may as well make himself useful with the other one, too. it's kind of.. intimate for what cassian usually allows from people, but he's trying, suns, so hard to find some level of normalcy. and despite their apparent history, it's easier with poe than it is with most. so it's with that thought in mind that he pushes the other one into the older man's lap, too, expression taking on a slightly imperious hint. ]

I didn't have a particularly active sex life at home outside of what I did for missions, but I.. enjoy sex, [ he clarifies after a moment, carefully, as if admitting a dirty secret. ] So don't think that this is some selfless sacrifice on my part. I intend to get something out of it, too.

[ He looks a little surprised when there are suddenly two feet in his lap, but an amused smile flickers across his face, and he shifts so that he can massage them properly, one hand for each foot. There. Better? ]

Long as you get that I don't want if, if you're not getting anything out of it. [ He probably shouldn't even be considering this, but. It was Cassian's idea. And honestly, it was a relief. ]

But I can promise you pretty easily that I'm not in for anything more than that. Learned my lesson on that one.

[ better. on good days, he thinks he can maybe get used to something like this. on good days, after all--like today--cassian feels almost well-adjusted, able to touch and be touched without a mask between himself and others, without anxiety and nausea crawling through his veins. he's honestly not sure what the real cassian looks like these days, but on days like today, he can almost glimpse him.

he might not be worth much, after all, but kay wants him and needs him around, and poe and bodhi seem to care for some reason, too. so. that's enough for him.

he tilts his cheek against his fist, eyes going half-lidded as he watches the other man. ]

You'll know when I don't want it. I'll tell you, and I expect you to do the same.

Good.

[ His tone is about the same as it would be as if they had just agreed on what to have for dinner, but there's a thread of nerves under his skin, now, an awareness he didn't have before, as he works his thumbs in deep circles against the balls of Cassian's feet. ]

Trust me, I'm not all that shy about what I do and do not want. [ He turns his head to meet Cassian's eyes, and though Poe is normally extremely easy to read, it's hard to tell what he's feeling in that moment. Maybe because he doesn't know. He hasn't decided. Or maybe because it's conflicting. ]

You just tell me when and where.

[ his toes curl a little as poe digs his thumb into muscle he didn't even know was tight, the corner of his mouth twitching up faintly. ]

You're not shy about much, I've discovered. [ fighter pilots rarely are; it takes a certain breed of bold. the kind of people that like to live fast, and don't necessarily mind dying young if they go out doing something they love. ]

Tonight, if you want. [ if he doesn't have others plans for his first night back. ] I'd prefer your bed, if you're comfortable with that.

[ His bed. Technically, it was his and Finn's - which is why he hadn't slept in it, for the last three months.

But Finn wasn't coming back, and Poe needed to get over it. Somehow. ]

Yeah, that's fine. I'm taking Lando to Zozzled for a bit but I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that within an hour he will have found his night's entertainment, if he's - if he's anything like himself. [ Cassian wasn't the only one who had come back, and forgotten him. ]

He certainly doesn't seem to be all that different from his older self.

[ there's a moment of hesitation, two, then he reaches with his free hand, fingertips alighting on poe's jaw briefly. they linger there for the space of several heartbeats, then drop away once more. ]

.. He's not like me. He's not-- It won't take him so long. [ so long to warm up, so long to find some kind of balance, so long to be to poe what he was before. ] If you come back later, you can message me. I might still be up.

[ Only Lando had lost more than his memories of Poe. He'd lost his memories of his parents - and Lando had been the closest conduit that Poe had, to them. But he didn't say that. Instead he flashed an amused smile to his lips, pushing away the dark. There was just no use thinking about it, anymore.]

Booty call, huh? Just don't give Kay the idea that he needs to plant me into the ground with a fist or two.

[ his nose wrinkles at the bridge, but the faint amusement is still lurking in his expression. ] This planet has some extremely stupid expressions, but yes.

[ he sobers, though, at the mention of kay, the tilt of his mouth thoughtful. ] I don't think he'd protest. You're less dangerous than Imperial governors, anyway.

You have to admit they're inventive, though.

[ He gives a rueful look. ]

Well that's a rubric I'm glad to know I'm being assessed on. [ Wryly. ] Somehow don't think that's the comparison he'd make here, though.

Edited 2018-06-20 21:19 (UTC)

[ cassian shrugs. ] Imperials and criminals are basically the only thing he has to compare you to in this case. [ in the time kay's been with him, those are the only few partners he's really had, and that usually briefly and for the sake of gathering intel.

he pushes his foot into poe's palm, head tilting gently. ] If Kay asks, I won't lie to him, but I doubt it'll even occur to him that I'm sleeping with anyone. [ a pause, looking faintly puzzled for a moment. ] I can't imagine why he'd have a problem, anyway.

Well at least I know now that I don't have a lot of decent competition. [ He arches an amused eyebrow, a lopside smile pulling at his lips.

It fades, slightly.

He knows exactly why Kaytoo might have a problem, and knows exactly why it won't be as much of a problem as it could have been, once. Compressed files. He let out a breath. Didn't mean that Kaytoo would be happy about it, though.

But.

He also couldn't say any of this to Cassian, so.

He'd go with the part of the truth that he could say. ]

Don't think it would be as much about you as me. He just witnessed me set a lot of things on fire, that's all. [ He gave a slightly sheepish look. ] But, learned my lesson there.

[ hm. cassian stares for several long moments at poe, accustomed to reading between the lines of what people say, but-- while poe seems troubled, he's not sure what exactly it's about, other than that he's pretty sure kay won't like it for some reason. ]

It'll be fine. I've been taking care of myself since I was six, and Kay knows that. [ and honestly, at this point, what could poe or anyone do to cassian that hasn't already been done before? at least poe doesn't actually mean any harm, which is a step up from some of the people he's been with over the years.

he hums out a small noise, narrow shoulder lifting in a shrug. ] Besides, he cares about you, too, so if we're thinking about it in those terms, he has just as much reason to be angry with me about this.

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flightforfreedom - 2018-07-10 12:07 (UTC) - Expand

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